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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 9th 2012 new

What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike the resonse that I used to get when talking to people about this sort of thing, it can only get better. In reality I still am unable to look a women in the eye, I just look at the floor or above her or over the shoulder. So if that is what I am doing now at 25 years old, you would think that talking to them in a normal well adjusted way would take quite awhile long past 30, if at all. To respond to some other posts, I am the most comfortable by myself. When I am by myself I can't get hurt, which makes it a great feeling. With that now being said, my mind loves the feeling of not being hurt, but my heart wants to put itself out there without thinking. I prefer my rational mind to my heart, and am just looking for some make my heart follow my mind. As my mind is right, I don't want or need the type of emotions my heart is offering.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike th...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike the resonse that I used to get when talking to people about this sort of thing, it can only get better. In reality I still am unable to look a women in the eye, I just look at the floor or above her or over the shoulder. So if that is what I am doing now at 25 years old, you would think that talking to them in a normal well adjusted way would take quite awhile long past 30, if at all. To respond to some other posts, I am the most comfortable by myself. When I am by myself I can't get hurt, which makes it a great feeling. With that now being said, my mind loves the feeling of not being hurt, but my heart wants to put itself out there without thinking. I prefer my rational mind to my heart, and am just looking for some make my heart follow my mind. As my mind is right, I don't want or need the type of emotions my heart is offering.

--hide--


Hi Steven,


Are you wanting permission to isolate yourself or to not expand your community beyond family? None is needed, except by what I am reading, you are not happy with this.


It does get better. I have my own experience as proof... which I understand may not seem valid for you. Have you considered talking to a counselor about it? They might be able to help you sort out the conflict between heart and mind and help you to feel comfortable being your true self, whatever that may be- introverted or extroverted or a balance of both.


Also, though I now am comfortable in large groups, speaking with both men and women, I have only a very tight circle of friends who truly "know" me... and most in that circle are family members. There is nothing wring with this! Being quieter and more of a homebody type is no sin! All of our differences makes us more united!


Praying hug

Dec 9th 2012 new

Honestly I am just looking for advice on how to accept what I have chosen not isolating myself, but rather not dating or having a relationship. Even for my age I have beeen through mroe than most.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike th...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike the resonse that I used to get when talking to people about this sort of thing, it can only get better. In reality I still am unable to look a women in the eye, I just look at the floor or above her or over the shoulder. So if that is what I am doing now at 25 years old, you would think that talking to them in a normal well adjusted way would take quite awhile long past 30, if at all. To respond to some other posts, I am the most comfortable by myself. When I am by myself I can't get hurt, which makes it a great feeling. With that now being said, my mind loves the feeling of not being hurt, but my heart wants to put itself out there without thinking. I prefer my rational mind to my heart, and am just looking for some make my heart follow my mind. As my mind is right, I don't want or need the type of emotions my heart is offering.

--hide--


As to talking to women... do you have sisters or female cousins to practice with??? Aunts, grandma, etc? Close female family friends? Women are women... and are human, too! laughing Yes, it is true that we express ourselves differently, and I think that there is even research that we think in different ways, but we all desire that same thing in the end.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Honestly I am just looking for advice on how to accept what I have chosen not isolating myself, ...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Honestly I am just looking for advice on how to accept what I have chosen not isolating myself, but rather not dating or having a relationship. Even for my age I have beeen through mroe than most.

--hide--


Hi, again!


You know yourself best! Perhaps rather than completely closing the door to a relationship, you just take a break from actively pursuing marriage as a possible vocation (dating, or thinking about dating, etc.) and spend time exploring your interests, hobbies, and reflecting on what is most important in your life.

I will stop bothering you now!
Hugs and prayers! Praying hug

Dec 9th 2012 new

Yes, I have seen a counselor, to answer that half of the post, didn't really see it there. This is my first time doing any posting in the Forums so I am still a little new to it. Yes I have many cousins and a few aunts. While I can talk to them without any trouble I cannot when it is a social situation with a non family member. Even when I do so it is very dry topic like school ro something scientifically related. I purposely choose to avoid any sort of topic and could send the conversation into a social dating sort of scenario. I prefer to look at them as colleagues. Like I said have given up on a lot of it. I believe that knowing history can help guide the future, my history says everytime you have undertaken to have some sort of dating/relationship or even thought about it, it goes horribly wrong.


Sadly even if I wanted once again put myself out there the risks would far outweigh any reward. To use a story of my past, I met this women when I was at college out of state, she was over all the time, we were always doing things, making dinner iceskating, going to mass. It turns out she was interested in my roommate, they eventually got married. Anyway back to the point when they eventually started going out it hit me so hard I failed every final exam for that semester (they started going out one week before finals), and but for the grace of God I would have been academically suspended for the rest of the year. Needless to say it was my heart that got me in that mess to begin with. So I have to say why would I want to put myself in a position to do the same thing again, because I know for certain I wouldn't be so lucky next time. And unfortunatley one way or another school is the one thing that I have that is going well for me, so why would I want to risk it?

Dec 9th 2012 new
Hi Steven, so don't date. What is your passion? What do you like to do? The subject that you're most comfortable with can connect you to people. The forums will be a great place to venture outside of yourself and connect with others. You enjoy us older folks? Come hang out with us anywhere. It always makes my day when someone your age takes a nonromantic interest in me. Take the Eucharist to shut ins and visit with them. I have no doubt you have many gifts that GOd wants you to use in His service. And don't feel bad about the no date thing. I am very extroverted and have not had a real CM date yet. Guess I scare people off.
Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Patrick-235584 said: hey Carl,.. out of curiousity, how tall are you?
(Quote) Patrick-235584 said: hey Carl,.. out of curiousity, how tall are you?
--hide--
oh good grief here we go with the height issue again - God does not make junk You get a Gold Star!

Dec 9th 2012 new

Hi Steven, I know school is a routine subject.

I love learning and contemporary culture thinks its dull (you know, its not the NFL). Can you imagine how many football conversations go on, and how really useful that time is spent.

I really appreciate your education and interests in Neuroscience, Microbiology or Chemistry.... My Mom has Alzheimer's and I so wish I wasn't so old so I could go back to graduate school for one of those subjects above. Time is really running out before all the baby boomers hit old age. So, if you are willing to study - please do so. It means a GREAT DEAL!

I expect I'll see many football players interviewed on camera before I get to see you recognized as the real star.

Tell your heart - it can convert/redirect all the passion it has into creative energy for your brain.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: So guess my question to all of you out there is how can I get my heart to agree wit...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:


So guess my question to all of you out there is how can I get my heart to agree with my mind? As I believe in doing so it will make me a much happier person. Thank you all, sorry if this is so long.

--hide--
Prayer, prayer and more prayer.... continually, so that your heart and mind may be more and more like Jesus.


"I sleep, but my heart is awake" Song of Solomon 5:2


I too, believe you will know greater joy!!!

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