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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

12/09/2012 new

I'm a quiet at first person too, so I totally understand where you are coming from..I say that God created your personality and how you form relationships with it so the fact that you, and me, are introverted people is not a bad thing. There are a lot times when I wish I was more outgoing. My best friend took her life last Epiphany, and she was my closest friend, obviously, and without her around, I realize how much time I spent with her and now I'm by myself a lot of the time...I mention that because it's forced me to open up and meet new people which as a quiet person is a task. Yesterday was her birthday and as I was sitting at the movie theater alone wishing that we were with me, I found out across town, my married friend and her husband were watching the same movie together. Why this bothered me, I'm trying to figure out. It's hard to be single especially this year, but I have to believe that God allowed my best friend to go away for a reason: I am stronger than I think I am. Just because we aren't extroverts doesnt make us alone forever. I've been trying to spend more time in Adoration and Mass and work on the relationship I have with Jesus. It's hard, I know...I know how it feels, trust me lol Just keep hope. I asked God to send me more single, Catholic friends since all my Catholic friends are married with the second and third child on the way...and they ask "aren't you happy for me?" which of course, I am, but at the same time it's hard when four year olds start asking why you don't have kids and your distant friends assume you dont want kids because you're 35 and still single. My mom's neighbor was telling me that she thought her forty year old daughter was way too old to have a baby and insinuated she should have an abortion...my mom was 41 when she had me...I kept my mouth shut...anyway, my point is, we have to keep the hope alive that someone is out there...our way of interacting with others isnt terrible just different. If everyone was an extrovert it would be a boring world. :)

12/09/2012 new

I was never bullied when I was younger, but have always been shy, timid, and introverted all my life. I don't remember my parents encouraging me to go out and do things. I was afraid that I would be in trouble so I hardly ever did anything social. Only a few years ago is when I began to go out more and socialize with others around my age. Even though I am still somewhat shy and introverted, I am making effort to make friends and experiencing more of what life has to offer.

A word that may help: be assertive. The thing is how to be assertive. That is something I have been working on continually this past year and little by little, but gradual, I try to make things happen instead of waiting on someone to take the lead. God will give us the confidence and courage to get out of our shell and help us to be what He wants us to be. Praying

12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have bee...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have been tossing around this idea in the back of my head for quite awhile, at first I just thought it was just me being me when I was in a bad mood. However, lately I have started to realize that it seems to be there quite a bit more. The idea is that I am just so introverted, that I cannot have a real relationship and that I should just stop looking and trying. Now before you all say hey whats with the pitty party just hear me out. I was bullied all the way up to high school this left without the ability to be able to socialize very well, especially amongst my peers. My parents liked to take me to their parties and such, so it is very easy to talk with people my parents age. Anyway back to what I was talking about, this has lead me to feel much more comforable when I am by myself, not out with others and especially when I am in a social/dating scenario. This has left me with the belief that dating and relationships are not for me, however, this is the conumdrum. My mind is saying this is better option. My heart, atlhough, feels this is not the case and continues to want me to try these types of things. Now to it's credit I have tried I have put myself out there many many times, I have definitely felt butterflies before, however, my introvertedness and social awkwardness has just messed it up. So much so that if I am lucky enough to go on a date or meet someone face to face, I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a date two.


So guess my question to all of you out there is how can I get my heart to agree with my mind? As I believe in doing so it will make me a much happier person. Thank you all, sorry if this is so long.

--hide--
You are not as alone as you may think. I cannot get up in front of people to speak. Might I suggest to you that there are plenty of women who are in the same boat and lamenting the fact that no one will ask them out.

Can't recall where I got this from, possibly here on CM?

"It's impossible," said Pride.
"It's risky," said Experience.
"It's pointless," said Reason.
"Give it a try," whispered the Heart.



12/09/2012 new

Hi Steven,

I’m not sure if this will help or not, but it is intended to be helpful. So you are asking how to get your heart to agree with your mind, if I understand correctly, or in other words, you would like for your emotions to shut down so that what you have decided in your mind will rule your future.

As an introvert myself, I often do not feel like trying to be social sometimes either. Rejection, negative experiences and bullying can reinforce tendencies towards isolation. There are things that occupy one’s time that do not cause the pain that people do: reading, watching a movie, writing, learning new things, mastering a skill, activity, hobby, sport or game. And the isolation reinforces itself in a cycle.

That’s what the bully wants. The bully wants to scare you away from the opportunities so that the bully can have all the opportunities for himself or at the very least, ensure that the person being bullied does not try. It is like that in the workplace, and it is like that in social settings.

I would recommend reading some books on introverted personalities and shyness. You may see yourself in some of the descriptions, but read things with a grain of salt. Not every self-help book (especially about dating) is written from a Catholic perspective. A couple of books to try are The Shy Single by Bonnie Jacobson, and Stop Pushing Me Around by Ilise Benun. After doing some reading on the subject, you can decide whether your heart needs to be convinced by your mind, or if you want to listen to both your heart and your mind in equal proportions.

God bless.

12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: You are not as alone as you may think. I cannot get up in front of people to speak. Might I sugge...
(Quote) Peter-449116 said:

You are not as alone as you may think. I cannot get up in front of people to speak. Might I suggest to you that there are plenty of women who are in the same boat and lamenting the fact that no one will ask them out.

Can't recall where I got this from, possibly here on CM?

"It's impossible," said Pride.
"It's risky," said Experience.
"It's pointless," said Reason.
"Give it a try," whispered the Heart.



--hide--

Awwww.... This is beautiful Peter! clap

Going to memorise & frame it... biggrin

12/09/2012 new

Okay so we might be off on a tangent - but books came up. You know how us introverts really like books. Here is one I really liked:

"Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?" by John Powell S. J. and Loretta Brady. It has a 1985 copyright, but it is still a very good book.

(But its not going talk about cell phones or computers :)

12/09/2012 new

I too have been a die hard introvert my entire life... easily bullied both as a child & within my marriage. But God said it's not good for man to live alone... Don't give up listening to your heart Steve. Maybe not necessarily to be married right now, but involved & interacting with fellow souls in new & enjoyable ways pursuing your talents.

There is a lot of good advice in this thread, much of what I have learned to do myself. But the person who said to pray, pray, & pray some more has the key. God really does have the means to heal what ever is conflicted & hurting inside. He wants to heal us & WILL do so if we let him. It was only by making a commitment to spend structured time in prayer with Him every day that the layers of the onion, the lies, the guilt, the misconceptions I'd adopted about myself began to peel away.

Also, after steeping myself in prayer & the sacraments I slowly learned to trust who & what Our Lord brought into my life. I could write a book about the blessings & the real joy I now possess after so many years in the desert. Trust that He loves you & wants you happy & fulfilled, even more than you desire this for yourself.... rose rose rose

12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: Hi Steven, so don't date. What is your passion? What do you like to do? The subject that you're...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: Hi Steven, so don't date. What is your passion? What do you like to do? The subject that you're most comfortable with can connect you to people. The forums will be a great place to venture outside of yourself and connect with others. You enjoy us older folks? Come hang out with us anywhere. It always makes my day when someone your age takes a nonromantic interest in me. Take the Eucharist to shut ins and visit with them. I have no doubt you have many gifts that GOd wants you to use in His service. And don't feel bad about the no date thing. I am very extroverted and have not had a real CM date yet. Guess I scare people off.
--hide--
wave Hey there Joanna; read your last sentence; (over) and you don't scare me off! (SERIOUSLY) wink Mike "peace"!!

12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Hmm I think I made a mistake in what I was asking, I wasn't so much looking for how to get o...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Hmm I think I made a mistake in what I was asking, I wasn't so much looking for how to get over the feeling. I was more so looking at how to embrace the feeling, and basically come to terms that I just shouldn't date. You make interesting points, but perhaps I should elaborate further in that I don't really socialize anywhere except aat church or school. Even when I do socialize it is not with people my own age (at church), and at school I only speak on school related subject material. I don't really venture outside of that area. Quite honestly other than that I do not really socialize with anyone else other than my family. My life is basically school, work, church repeat. Now, before you say I should get out more, I used to go out and do stuff like that but was always uncomfortable, and quite frankly it never really helped.

--hide--
Steve, not everyone is cut out for relationship on this leve. It is something that only you can discern. Perhaps you should consider talking to your priest of spiritual director. There are worst things in life than spending solitary time with God. People who love God in quiet solitude still receive graces and gifts from God. Their lives can be full of prayer and service when and if they are called to it. Pray about it. Perhaps a novena will help you discern which direction yould be best in bringing your heart mind and soul closer to God. That is really what this life is all about. Our lives are all about HIM! May Christs peace fill your heart in all the ways that no human ever can. God bless you as you find your way

12/09/2012 new
(Quote) Debbie-514749 said: I too have been a die hard introvert my entire life... easily bullied both as a child & within my marriage...
(Quote) Debbie-514749 said:

I too have been a die hard introvert my entire life... easily bullied both as a child & within my marriage. But God said it's not good for man to live alone... Don't give up listening to your heart Steve. Maybe not necessarily to be married right now, but involved & interacting with fellow souls in new & enjoyable ways pursuing your talents.



There is a lot of good advice in this thread, much of what I have learned to do myself. But the person who said to pray, pray, & pray some more has the key. God really does have the means to heal what ever is conflicted & hurting inside. He wants to heal us & WILL do so if we let him. It was only by making a commitment to spend structured time in prayer with Him every day that the layers of the onion, the lies, the guilt, the misconceptions I'd adopted about myself began to peel away.



Also, after steeping myself in prayer & the sacraments I slowly learned to trust who & what Our Lord brought into my life. I could write a book about the blessings & the real joy I now possess after so many years in the desert. Trust that He loves you & wants you happy & fulfilled, even more than you desire this for yourself....

--hide--


Hello! If you are looking for an idea for prayer, here are two:

1. Adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

2. Mary, Undoer of Knots novena www.theholyrosary.org

Pax et bonum fellow introvert!
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