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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

12/11/2012 new

I browsed that article; I see the common thread being fame and money. And note that a number of them are now divorced.

12/11/2012 new

Wow; THAT HURTS.

12/11/2012 new

I love that quote.

12/11/2012 new

(Quote) Rae-242317 said: (Quote) Debbie-514749 said: I too have been a die hard introvert my entire life... ...
(Quote) Rae-242317 said:
Quote:
Debbie-514749 said:

I too have been a die hard introvert my entire life... easily bullied both as a child & within my marriage. But God said it's not good for man to live alone... Don't give up listening to your heart Steve. Maybe not necessarily to be married right now, but involved & interacting with fellow souls in new & enjoyable ways pursuing your talents.



There is a lot of good advice in this thread, much of what I have learned to do myself. But the person who said to pray, pray, & pray some more has the key. God really does have the means to heal what ever is conflicted & hurting inside. He wants to heal us & WILL do so if we let him. It was only by making a commitment to spend structured time in prayer with Him every day that the layers of the onion, the lies, the guilt, the misconceptions I'd adopted about myself began to peel away.



Also, after steeping myself in prayer & the sacraments I slowly learned to trust who & what Our Lord brought into my life. I could write a book about the blessings & the real joy I now possess after so many years in the desert. Trust that He loves you & wants you happy & fulfilled, even more than you desire this for yourself....




Hello! If you are looking for an idea for prayer, here are two:

1. Adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

2. Mary, Undoer of Knots novena www.theholyrosary.org

Pax et bonum fellow introvert!
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Rae, THANK YOU for posting the novena you mention a lot here. I will definitely study the page and that Novena!! THANK YOU!

12/11/2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike th...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike the resonse that I used to get when talking to people about this sort of thing, it can only get better. In reality I still am unable to look a women in the eye, I just look at the floor or above her or over the shoulder. So if that is what I am doing now at 25 years old, you would think that talking to them in a normal well adjusted way would take quite awhile long past 30, if at all. To respond to some other posts, I am the most comfortable by myself. When I am by myself I can't get hurt, which makes it a great feeling. With that now being said, my mind loves the feeling of not being hurt, but my heart wants to put itself out there without thinking. I prefer my rational mind to my heart, and am just looking for some make my heart follow my mind. As my mind is right, I don't want or need the type of emotions my heart is offering.

--hide--


Steven,
Thank for posting these details. It does help to read them in trying to understand where you are coming from. Still, It is possible it can get better later in life. MOST ANYONE feels more comfortable as we age. I feel so much more comfortable than I did as a younger woman of your age. The journey you are on is something you can ask God to help with and I am confident that you will, at least I hope so. I will read this thread through and see if anything else comes up in my mind for you to consider. I would spend lots of time in front of the Blessed sacrament praying for healing but just loving God- It could help!! theheart It can't hurt!

The main problem I see you involved in right now is that you have already decided the outcome of your potential for success in this area, based on a combination of unrelated information and some related information(your past behavior). The problem with this conclusion you have created, is that it is just that- YOU created it. It does not make it true or a true measure of anything.

WE NEVER KNOW the process and outcome of anything unless we TRY it.

EACH TRY with each different person in each situation would be a completely different TRY. THE OUTCOME would most likely be different each time you try something and change it a little as you go. You are confessing to us that you want to stop because based on what you have already noted-"statistically" you believe you will fail.

I want to challenge you AND tell you your conclusion is NOT based in fact.

When it comes to human relationships and outcomes------Fact cannot happen until it has been processed and run it's course.

Therefore I am still adamant that you are wrong. I hope you will see the fallacy in your thinking soon and that you will be able to love and be loved SOON or later...on...as you see fit...


If you had a way you could tweak your approaches on dates or meetings a little at a time until you felt better and liked the results- only then would you have given it enough shots. At this point I am certain that you have not tried enough. You may be exhausted from trying- but if you are still yearning for a partner- you owe it to yourself and to God, to keep working on this in some fashion.


Your conclusions have shown me why my last attempt at going out with a very awkwardly anxious and shy man over a year ago did not pan out. He finally gave in to his anxiety. That is what you are talking about doing. Now I will never know him I still see him in a small group. You may want to consider joining a small grpoup which could give you chances to practice social skills but not force closeness that is frightening.

The main thing he did nto do for me was tell me the truth or any reason as to why we stopped dating. HE WAS FRIGHTENED about all of the unknowns. I agree he is more at peace when he does nto date. More power to him- Dove he is 62 years old. YOU are too young to give up!

Please read this because it took me considerable time and effort to write this...

I think being on this site is a great thing for you for now... Lots of people learn and grow here. Anyone can gain a friend just from reaching out a bit..
marian

You might try asking me what he needed top do in order to make it work between us- either here or off in emails...

human interactions are fluid, mutable and changeable. They are not constant and not predictable . For this reason I challenge your erroneous thinking. The only one you know is you and you are giving no credit to the woman you may meet. :craying: I feel sad for you but it is your choice.

12/11/2012 new

(Quote) Carl-98335 said: Wow; THAT HURTS.
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

Wow; THAT HURTS.

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hey Carl,. who is this in answer to?

12/11/2012 new

Steven

12/12/2012 new

(Quote) Angela-374523 said: (Quote) Nancy-632072 said: (Quote) Patrick-235584 said: h...
(Quote) Angela-374523 said:

Quote:
Nancy-632072 said:

Quote:
Patrick-235584 said: hey Carl,.. out of curiousity, how tall are you?

oh good grief here we go with the height issue again - God does not make junk





I rarely (read: never) look to celebrities as role models for relationships, but this height issue in the forums is a bit tiring. Am I the only one surfing the web who finds entertainment news like this? www.huffingtonpost.com


--hide--


Angela This is a great article...or set of photos! It does say something!

12/12/2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have bee...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have been tossing around this idea in the back of my head for quite awhile, at first I just thought it was just me being me when I was in a bad mood. However, lately I have started to realize that it seems to be there quite a bit more. The idea is that I am just so introverted, that I cannot have a real relationship and that I should just stop looking and trying. Now before you all say hey whats with the pitty party just hear me out. I was bullied all the way up to high school this left without the ability to be able to socialize very well, especially amongst my peers. My parents liked to take me to their parties and such, so it is very easy to talk with people my parents age. Anyway back to what I was talking about, this has lead me to feel much more comforable when I am by myself, not out with others and especially when I am in a social/dating scenario. This has left me with the belief that dating and relationships are not for me, however, this is the conumdrum. My mind is saying this is better option. My heart, atlhough, feels this is not the case and continues to want me to try these types of things. Now to it's credit I have tried I have put myself out there many many times, I have definitely felt butterflies before, however, my introvertedness and social awkwardness has just messed it up. So much so that if I am lucky enough to go on a date or meet someone face to face, I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a date two.


So guess my question to all of you out there is how can I get my heart to agree with my mind? As I believe in doing so it will make me a much happier person. Thank you all, sorry if this is so long.

--hide--

Hi Steven,

I think that if you try to make your heart accept what your mind is saying you will end up a very regret filled and likely bitter man, God puts things in our hearts for a reason. I think we all have are challenges to overcome, I think that is how God shows us how much he loves us and also how we show our true faith and love in him.


So with that I'll give you a small piece of advice. I have had similar issues that you have had and one thing that help me a lot was i just started dating women who i have no great interest in have a long term relationship with. I know a lot of people here may not like this advice, but I too had a long line of one date wonders until one day i just decided i'm just going to date for fun and thats all. The only requirement is that she be FUN and kinda cute ;) I found this to be very rewarding, I learned a lot about myself and women, it helped me grow a lot and i believe it will make me a better husband in the future. When i got serious about dating again I had MUCH better luck.

12/12/2012 new

(Quote) Justin-32820 said: (Quote) Steven-381635 said: Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question a...
(Quote) Justin-32820 said:

Quote:
Steven-381635 said:

Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have been tossing around this idea in the back of my head for quite awhile, at first I just thought it was just me being me when I was in a bad mood. However, lately I have started to realize that it seems to be there quite a bit more. The idea is that I am just so introverted, that I cannot have a real relationship and that I should just stop looking and trying. Now before you all say hey whats with the pitty party just hear me out. I was bullied all the way up to high school this left without the ability to be able to socialize very well, especially amongst my peers. My parents liked to take me to their parties and such, so it is very easy to talk with people my parents age. Anyway back to what I was talking about, this has lead me to feel much more comforable when I am by myself, not out with others and especially when I am in a social/dating scenario. This has left me with the belief that dating and relationships are not for me, however, this is the conumdrum. My mind is saying this is better option. My heart, atlhough, feels this is not the case and continues to want me to try these types of things. Now to it's credit I have tried I have put myself out there many many times, I have definitely felt butterflies before, however, my introvertedness and social awkwardness has just messed it up. So much so that if I am lucky enough to go on a date or meet someone face to face, I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a date two.


So guess my question to all of you out there is how can I get my heart to agree with my mind? As I believe in doing so it will make me a much happier person. Thank you all, sorry if this is so long.


Hi Steven,

I think that if you try to make your heart accept what your mind is saying you will end up a very regret filled and likely bitter man, God puts things in our hearts for a reason. I think we all have are challenges to overcome, I think that is how God shows us how much he loves us and also how we show our true faith and love in him.


So with that I'll give you a small piece of advice. I have had similar issues that you have had and one thing that help me a lot was i just started dating women who i have no great interest in have a long term relationship with. I know a lot of people here may not like this advice, but I too had a long line of one date wonders until one day i just decided i'm just going to date for fun and thats all. The only requirement is that she be FUN and kinda cute ;) I found this to be very rewarding, I learned a lot about myself and women, it helped me grow a lot and i believe it will make me a better husband in the future. When i got serious about dating again I had MUCH better luck.

--hide--


Justin, Thank you. This is wonderful advice. Thank you!

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