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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have bee...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have been tossing around this idea in the back of my head for quite awhile, at first I just thought it was just me being me when I was in a bad mood. However, lately I have started to realize that it seems to be there quite a bit more. The idea is that I am just so introverted, that I cannot have a real relationship and that I should just stop looking and trying. Now before you all say hey whats with the pitty party just hear me out. I was bullied all the way up to high school this left without the ability to be able to socialize very well, especially amongst my peers. My parents liked to take me to their parties and such, so it is very easy to talk with people my parents age. Anyway back to what I was talking about, this has lead me to feel much more comforable when I am by myself, not out with others and especially when I am in a social/dating scenario. This has left me with the belief that dating and relationships are not for me, however, this is the conumdrum. My mind is saying this is better option. My heart, atlhough, feels this is not the case and continues to want me to try these types of things. Now to it's credit I have tried I have put myself out there many many times, I have definitely felt butterflies before, however, my introvertedness and social awkwardness has just messed it up. So much so that if I am lucky enough to go on a date or meet someone face to face, I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a date two.


So guess my question to all of you out there is how can I get my heart to agree with my mind? As I believe in doing so it will make me a much happier person. Thank you all, sorry if this is so long.

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Steven
Im so sorry you were bullied in school, but it couldnt have been because of your looks. Yikes, what a heartbreaker. If my younger sisters were your age I would have them sign up for CM. Anyway, about the dating thing, you'll do fine as long as you keep trying. If your an intrevert than maybe you need to step out of your comfort zone and when you meet a girl keep up the momentum. Dont give up, remember that feeling of disappointment because you let yourself down. Remember that song .........The eye of the tiger. Put your track suit on and those worn out sneakers and run to the top of the stairs throw your hands in the air and yell out.
Sorry, my mind went into overdrive. Remember......Tiger!

Dec 12th 2012 new

Thanks Marian. Even when people are rich and famous and divorced, there is still something that can be learned from them. For the record, Rod Stewart's wife's dress is way too short, Tom Cruise is a Scientologist (that's a bit too way out there for me), and some of the rich and famous lead lives that don't reflect family values.

In order to make the point I was trying to make, I could have posted pictures of my cousins where my cousin is a good four or five inches shorter than his wife, but I don't believe it is appropriate to post photos on an internet dating site of people without their consent, especially when I am not in the photos. People who are in the public eye expect that the public will see their photos.

But I do believe we are getting off topic from the issue that the OP raised. flower

Dec 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Angela-374523 said: Thanks Marian. Even when people are rich and famous and divorced, there is still something that ...
(Quote) Angela-374523 said:

Thanks Marian. Even when people are rich and famous and divorced, there is still something that can be learned from them. For the record, Rod Stewart's wife's dress is way too short, Tom Cruise is a Scientologist (that's a bit too way out there for me), and some of the rich and famous lead lives that don't reflect family values.

In order to make the point I was trying to make, I could have posted pictures of my cousins where my cousin is a good four or five inches shorter than his wife, but I don't believe it is appropriate to post photos on an internet dating site of people without their consent, especially when I am not in the photos. People who are in the public eye expect that the public will see their photos.

But I do believe we are getting off topic from the issue that the OP raised.

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I thought it was a tunic! laughing
I am unable to see why some of those dresses these days are suddenly so short. Very unappealing for a woman.
yes we are off track...but...we will return..now

Dec 12th 2012 new

Trust me, you will know.

Dec 12th 2012 new
(Quote) Carl-98335 said: Steven
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

Steven

--hide--
oh,. ok,.. thanks.
Dec 29th 2012 new

Steven How are things going if I may ask you? Has anything become clearer in the past few weeks?

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Casey-637092 said: Steve , there is a great book out there called " How to win friends and influenc...
(Quote) Casey-637092 said:


Steve ,

there is a great book out there called " How to win friends and influence people " by Dale Carnegie


Check it out , great food for the soul.

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Don't confuse the introvert character trait with shyness. It sounds to me like you are shy. Most introverts are not shy. Shyness can be overcome by practicing social skills. In other words, shyness is a habit, and habits can be changed. The Dale Carnegie book is a good first start. Joining a Toastmasters Club would be better, as you get feedback and practice.

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: You are not as alone as you may think. I cannot get up in front of people to speak. Might I sugge...
(Quote) Peter-449116 said:

You are not as alone as you may think. I cannot get up in front of people to speak. Might I suggest to you that there are plenty of women who are in the same boat and lamenting the fact that no one will ask them out.

Can't recall where I got this from, possibly here on CM?

"It's impossible," said Pride.
"It's risky," said Experience.
"It's pointless," said Reason.
"Give it a try," whispered the Heart.



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This is what tells me that he doesn't want to be an introvert scratchchin

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike th...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

What is interesting to me, is I hear it will only get better a lot. It is actually not unlike the resonse that I used to get when talking to people about this sort of thing, it can only get better. In reality I still am unable to look a women in the eye, I just look at the floor or above her or over the shoulder. So if that is what I am doing now at 25 years old, you would think that talking to them in a normal well adjusted way would take quite awhile long past 30, if at all. To respond to some other posts, I am the most comfortable by myself. When I am by myself I can't get hurt, which makes it a great feeling. With that now being said, my mind loves the feeling of not being hurt, but my heart wants to put itself out there without thinking. I prefer my rational mind to my heart, and am just looking for some make my heart follow my mind. As my mind is right, I don't want or need the type of emotions my heart is offering.

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I don't know if I can agree with you, as Jesus Christ was fully human he felt emotions, joy as well as sorrow. He went to parties and interacted with people. Your mind is telling you that you should be alone, because it is safe and you don't have to risk. Without risking there is no growth and there is no emotion. Yes it is safe to stay in the world that doesn't feel but it is a lonely world and it is not a happy world. The older we become the smaller and smaller that world becomes and the lonelier it becomes.

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Yes, I have seen a counselor, to answer that half of the post, didn't really see it there. T...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Yes, I have seen a counselor, to answer that half of the post, didn't really see it there. This is my first time doing any posting in the Forums so I am still a little new to it. Yes I have many cousins and a few aunts. While I can talk to them without any trouble I cannot when it is a social situation with a non family member. Even when I do so it is very dry topic like school ro something scientifically related. I purposely choose to avoid any sort of topic and could send the conversation into a social dating sort of scenario. I prefer to look at them as colleagues. Like I said have given up on a lot of it. I believe that knowing history can help guide the future, my history says everytime you have undertaken to have some sort of dating/relationship or even thought about it, it goes horribly wrong.


Sadly even if I wanted once again put myself out there the risks would far outweigh any reward. To use a story of my past, I met this women when I was at college out of state, she was over all the time, we were always doing things, making dinner iceskating, going to mass. It turns out she was interested in my roommate, they eventually got married. Anyway back to the point when they eventually started going out it hit me so hard I failed every final exam for that semester (they started going out one week before finals), and but for the grace of God I would have been academically suspended for the rest of the year. Needless to say it was my heart that got me in that mess to begin with. So I have to say why would I want to put myself in a position to do the same thing again, because I know for certain I wouldn't be so lucky next time. And unfortunatley one way or another school is the one thing that I have that is going well for me, so why would I want to risk it?

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It sounds like you want to make a definitive choice not to risk or feel in a relationship. First you were bullied and what happened in College was devastating. Don't let these things stop you - when life hands you lemons make lemonade. I have a friend who has gone through a tremendous amount in life - including losing her husband at a young age and raising 3 children on her own. She always deals with life's problems with this motto.

Believe me shutting down is not the answer, because as the years go by it will make you more and more introverted and unable to communicate with groups as you do now.

Yes, we have all had our hurts in life in various ways - some of us are too fat, some of us are too short, some of us are too quiet but through it all it us up to us how whether want to be happy and make the best of our life or if we want to live in our shell and blame others or God for our faults. What we are is God's gift to us, what we become is our gift to God.



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