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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Hi all... particularly the gentlemen of the Forum!


I need some help understanding the mind of men! I have had many male "pen pals." Literally, I have a list of men that email back and forth with me for months and months! They continue the email exchanges with no movement to real life. The few I have asked for a phone call or to meet in person... so I try moving the relationship to "the next level" whatever that may be.... "poof" or make excuses... after months of emailing! I've lost a few email pals from short responses... after weeks and weeks of long, thoughful responses! After so many short responses from me they move on.


This is in NO WAY meant to be a male-bashing thread. (Heck, I kinda like you guys! I just can't figure out the rhyme to your reason half the time! laughing)


Why have I experienced this with multiple men? Why so slow to move to real life? Why the "poof" if I want to make it happen?


THANK YOU IN ADVANCE! hug hug

Dec 8th 2012 new

Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp

Dec 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: Hi all... particularly the gentlemen of the Forum! I need some help understanding the ...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

Hi all... particularly the gentlemen of the Forum!


I need some help understanding the mind of men! I have had many male "pen pals." Literally, I have a list of men that email back and forth with me for months and months! They continue the email exchanges with no movement to real life. The few I have asked for a phone call or to meet in person... so I try moving the relationship to "the next level" whatever that may be.... "poof" or make excuses... after months of emailing! I've lost a few email pals from short responses... after weeks and weeks of long, thoughful responses! After so many short responses from me they move on.


This is in NO WAY meant to be a male-bashing thread. (Heck, I kinda like you guys! I just can't figure out the rhyme to your reason half the time! )


Why have I experienced this with multiple men? Why so slow to move to real life? Why the "poof" if I want to make it happen?


THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!

--hide--



Don't know if this helps but I admit that we at times do need to be hit over the head. Sometimes it's the way women and men communicate. Generally (as in no blanket statement) speaking, men communicate directly through literal statements and women do it more indirectly through implied statements. I remember the classic example of when a woman say, the trash looks like it's getting full, and the man responds, "So it is," and packs it down more with his boot for more space. All the woman wanted was for him to take out the trash--this actually happened to me. I won't say that the above as a rule, but it does happen.


In regards to your issue in particular, I think that added element of honesty (coming from them is needed). You were right in mentionining your intentions of wanting to take it to the next level. They should have been honest with you if they wanted to keep it at a friend level.


The final thing I wanted to say is that from the guys that I know (and here comes the gut wrenching honest) many flatter themselves with the fact that they "got a girl in tow" as they say up here. That means that you're kind of stringing her along with no intention of taking the relationship any further, which is deplorable and quite frankly, unmanly. If you like her get into a relationship, if not turn her loose. I've convicted some friends of doing this. This brings us back to you and what you did, Nancy. It's what separates the men from the boys... theheart

Dec 8th 2012 new

Hi! All I can say is that I am at the tail end of a book called "Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart." We all know that men and women need to strive for sexual purity but this book examines the importance of guarding one's heart and goes into depth about emotionally intimate relationships between men and women that are not committed. Though I am uncertain what to say about your exact situation I think this small, thin book that can be ordered online may be something you are interested in because it may be somewhat difficult to be giving out your heart in this way again and again. While we as women may not always understand or relate to how a man might be affected by our degree of being more or less covered with clothing, men may not necessarily understand or relate to how their spending time talking to you or getting to know you better is watering the garden of your heart for something more. God Bless, Sister. Your situation will be in my thoughts and prayers. There are a lot of resources out there. On youtube you can also find lectures by Chris Evert. He and his wife have co-authored multiple books and one of the most recent is: "How to Find Your Soul Mate Without Losing Your Soul." And I'm disobeying the advice about not recommending books one has not yet read but it may be worth exploring in an online bookstore.

Dec 8th 2012 new

I'm in the midst of downloading some good Christian books to my Kindle, and you just added another one (Emotional Purity)! lol I read How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul earlier this year, and I recommend that as well. I also just downloaded Shannon Etheridge's new one, The Fantasty Fallacy, which was written because of all the 50 Shades of Grey nonsense. I'm ready to relax, read, and be inspired! biggrin

Dec 8th 2012 new

Great, I really should read that one. It is much needed food for the soul. :)

Dec 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Tara-916865 said: I'm in the midst of downloading some good Christian books to my Kindle, and you just added ano...
(Quote) Tara-916865 said:

I'm in the midst of downloading some good Christian books to my Kindle, and you just added another one (Emotional Purity)! lol I read How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul earlier this year, and I recommend that as well. I also just downloaded Shannon Etheridge's new one, The Fantasty Fallacy, which was written because of all the 50 Shades of Grey nonsense. I'm ready to relax, read, and be inspired!

--hide--


Fantasy! Not Fantasty! I'll blame this misspelling on the painkillers!

Dec 8th 2012 new

biggrin

Dec 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: Hi all... particularly the gentlemen of the Forum! I need some help understanding the ...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

Hi all... particularly the gentlemen of the Forum!


I need some help understanding the mind of men! I have had many male "pen pals." Literally, I have a list of men that email back and forth with me for months and months! They continue the email exchanges with no movement to real life. The few I have asked for a phone call or to meet in person... so I try moving the relationship to "the next level" whatever that may be.... "poof" or make excuses... after months of emailing! I've lost a few email pals from short responses... after weeks and weeks of long, thoughful responses! After so many short responses from me they move on.


This is in NO WAY meant to be a male-bashing thread. (Heck, I kinda like you guys! I just can't figure out the rhyme to your reason half the time! )


Why have I experienced this with multiple men? Why so slow to move to real life? Why the "poof" if I want to make it happen?


THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!

--hide--


Hi Nancy,


Seems like you have the mature approach - keep engaging in e-mail communications and get to know the man on the other end. If he hasn't taken the initiative to ask for a call, meeting, etc, it is ok for you to make it clear what you want - being direct and literal are good qualities for communications and relationships. If you do not get the response you want, then move on. Nothing wrong with that. One problem with this new society of electronic communications, it breeds indifference, lack of accountability, and can be extremely impersonal. So, there is no motivation for those guys to make their true intentions clear sooner. Keep your faith and continue to be yourself.

Dec 9th 2012 new

This has happened to me a few times. Here is what I think the reason is. Many men and women join this site and other sites like this, not really serious about finding someone. They joined because mommy said it was time for grandbabbies and get yourself a spouse to take care of you. Now, these said people that did join really don't want to find someone. They just want mom's and the family off thier back. So, they email and say, "I am talking to a great Catholic girl and laying the groundwork!" When they really have no intention of taking it to the next level. They are more than happy with being single. I wish there was a way to weed these people off the site but alas, until then, you will have to disern on your own!


The new rule of thumb for me is, if he is close enough: only an hour away or less, we should be able to have a F2F after only about two weeks of emails. So, that is what works for me. I don't want a forever pen pal. I am looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. So, you will have to make your own rules for yourself based on what you are looking for!


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