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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Is honesty the best policy , regardless of what stage a relationship is at ? Knowing that self -disclosure is the pathway that one must tavel in order to develop close relationships , when and what do you disclose , as your are building a relationship and what are the barometers you use to make the decisions you do?

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Casey-637092 said: Is honesty the best policy , regardless of what stage a relationship is at ? Knowing that self -d...
(Quote) Casey-637092 said:

Is honesty the best policy , regardless of what stage a relationship is at ? Knowing that self -disclosure is the pathway that one must tavel in order to develop close relationships , when and what do you disclose , as your are building a relationship and what are the barometers you use to make the decisions you do?

--hide--


I certainly don't know the answer to this one. I guess I go with my intuition. The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly has given me some insight on this. I do know that once something is shared, it can't be taken back so I have learned to be cautious and take in slow--in friendships as well.

Dec 9th 2012 new

I am fairly well an open book. I have chosen to keep the circle of people in my life very small. They meet two criteria. They must love God first and above all others. They must be emotionally healthy, or trying to be. I started this a few years ago, and realize that my life is a much more pleasant place to be. I also did a guided retreat using the book 'Safe People' by Townsend and Cloud. In choosing 'safe people,' we choose a safe environment in which to live. It really is a moot point then when, or how much, to share. You'll be accepted regardless. heart

Dec 9th 2012 new

Love the term "safe people" which for me could include some family members or even kids at times , In all cases , I set boundries for myself and loving let others know that if those boundries are crossed with no regard for my feelings , or how their actions affect my life, I will take a "time out " from any further contact for a while and then check in later to see if respect, compassion and consideration have returned . It WORKS!!!!

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: I am fairly well an open book. I have chosen to keep the circle of people in my life very sma...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

I am fairly well an open book. I have chosen to keep the circle of people in my life very small. They meet two criteria. They must love God first and above all others. They must be emotionally healthy, or trying to be. I started this a few years ago, and realize that my life is a much more pleasant place to be. I also did a guided retreat using the book 'Safe People' by Townsend and Cloud. In choosing 'safe people,' we choose a safe environment in which to live. It really is a moot point then when, or how much, to share. You'll be accepted regardless.

--hide--


Anne Marie-(BTW, what a beautiful name!)...I really enjoy "Safe People", have it on my Kindle and actually often reread it as a reference when I have a question or something does not feel quite right...

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Casey-637092 said: Love the term "safe people" which for me could include some family members or even kids...
(Quote) Casey-637092 said:

Love the term "safe people" which for me could include some family members or even kids at times , In all cases , I set boundries for myself and loving let others know that if those boundries are crossed with no regard for my feelings , or how their actions affect my life, I will take a "time out " from any further contact for a while and then check in later to see if respect, compassion and consideration have returned . It WORKS!!!!

--hide--


You are right, Casey. It DOES work--to step away and then come back.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Casey-637092 said: Is honesty the best policy , regardless of what stage a relationship is at ? Knowing that self -d...
(Quote) Casey-637092 said:

Is honesty the best policy , regardless of what stage a relationship is at ? Knowing that self -disclosure is the pathway that one must tavel in order to develop close relationships , when and what do you disclose , as your are building a relationship and what are the barometers you use to make the decisions you do?

--hide--

What a great thread Casey...!

This is something I've been pondering a lot lately. Actually there's a thread going in the Pinky room right now on emotional chastity. I believe as women, we have a tendancy to share our hearts way too soon, as men have the tendancy to want to share their bodies... It's simply the way we are wired & nothing to be surprised about. Original sin did a number on us all! So prudence & care is required by both sexes.

I too, tend to be an open book... easily sharing my path & what's going on inside. I agree that self-disclosure is the path towards intimacy, but my oh my, the risk that can be... *sigh* I'm slowly learning to steep each new relationship in prayer... trying to let Jesus be my steady while I open myself in getting to know someone new. (Also slowing down some on what I initially share) He has the greater picture & there's always something to learn from each soul. Sometimes it's the most painful encounters that teach the most... But only if I cling to Christ. theheart

Hope this makes sense... rose

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: I am fairly well an open book. I have chosen to keep the circle of people in my life very sma...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

I am fairly well an open book. I have chosen to keep the circle of people in my life very small. They meet two criteria. They must love God first and above all others. They must be emotionally healthy, or trying to be. I started this a few years ago, and realize that my life is a much more pleasant place to be. I also did a guided retreat using the book 'Safe People' by Townsend and Cloud. In choosing 'safe people,' we choose a safe environment in which to live. It really is a moot point then when, or how much, to share. You'll be accepted regardless.

--hide--

I love all the Boundaries books AnneMarie... They've helped me a lot...

So glad to see your still here *smile* rose rose rose

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Debbie-514749 said: What a great thread Casey...! This is something I've been pondering a lot la...
(Quote) Debbie-514749 said:

What a great thread Casey...!

This is something I've been pondering a lot lately. Actually there's a thread going in the Pinky room right now on emotional chastity. I believe as women, we have a tendancy to share our hearts way too soon, as men have the tendancy to want to share their bodies... It's simply the way we are wired & nothing to be surprised about. Original sin did a number on us all! So prudence & care is required by both sexes.

I too, tend to be an open book... easily sharing my path & what's going on inside. I agree that self-disclosure is the path towards intimacy, but my oh my, the risk that can be... *sigh* I'm slowly learning to steep each new relationship in prayer... trying to let Jesus be my steady while I open myself in getting to know someone new. (Also slowing down some on what I initially share) He has the greater picture & there's always something to learn from each soul. Sometimes it's the most painful encounters that teach the most... But only if I cling to Christ.

Hope this makes sense...

--hide--



Dear Debbie,


Thankyou for your post,
human beings need to cling to Jesus so much in order to achieve the right amount, type , kind and timing of each interaction with another person.

To die to self is huge for me in realizing that life is about service. I have been badly let down , due to self disclosure that was not honored, or in trusting others ,in a way that is only reserved for God. Learning things the hard way is painful , yet I remain grateful for the lessons. My being willing to self disclose has allowed me to learn from other peoples input into that disclosure. To a certain degree , self disclosure has allowed for greater self awareness. Trust is crucial , trust in the other persons sensitivity, confidentiality ,and support in order to feel safe enough to share.

Take a risk , consider failure a possibility, refuse to take the risk , gaurantee that failure . Love the word BALANCE

Dec 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Casey-637092 said: Dear Debbie,Thankyou for your post, human beings need to cling to Jes...
(Quote) Casey-637092 said:




Dear Debbie,


Thankyou for your post,
human beings need to cling to Jesus so much in order to achieve the right amount, type , kind and timing of each interaction with another person.

To die to self is huge for me in realizing that life is about service. I have been badly let down , due to self disclosure that was not honored, or in trusting others ,in a way that is only reserved for God. Learning things the hard way is painful , yet I remain grateful for the lessons. My being willing to self disclose has allowed me to learn from other peoples input into that disclosure. To a certain degree , self disclosure has allowed for greater self awareness. Trust is crucial , trust in the other persons sensitivity, confidentiality ,and support in order to feel safe enough to share.

Take a risk , consider failure a possibility, refuse to take the risk , gaurantee that failure . Love the word BALANCE

--hide--

Great post Casey...

You're so right about learning things the hard way... For me it's been the most painful, but at the same time... when something hurts that bady I tend to really learn it! *sigh*

I think we discover more truthfully who we are when we share our self with others, and I also think you're right about the self awareness that comes from taking that risk. All the saints have said that self knowledge is key to holiness. We can't know who God is without knowing who we are... Such a delicate dance this all is! But with Our Lord as the anchor it can be a thing of great beauty... IMHO rose

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