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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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I'm new to the fora. This is only my second post, but I have been on Catholic Match for a while. I am 27 years old and suddenly I feel really old because I keep getting views from older men. I don't mind a few (FEW is the key word) years up or down. I actually feel like I'm quite flexible. I'm willing to go down up to 4 years and up up to 5 years. I wouldn't mind going a few years older if he has some of the qualities in there I like to see. I'll admit lately most of the guys who I've viewed or have viewed have been in that range, but I'm tired of men in in their 40's trying to contact me. Call me shallow, but here's how I see it. If I were to contact him, I'm saying I'm willing to go up at least 13 years. Would this same 40+ year old man be willing to go up 13 years to 53? I'm thinking since he's contacting much younger women the answer is no. More often than not, men in my preference category 23-32 or 33 contact me, but I get creeped out when much older men try to contact me. Ever since I turned 27, I've surrendered my right to date men my own age. I've seen post after post of men saying they'd be willing to go down to women MUCH younger but only a couple of years older. Why the hypocrsy?


I've followed some posts in the fora before, so I know this is the same tune under a different name. I'm pretty sure who is going to respond to this post since I have browsed the fora several times.

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

I don't know that it's as much being hypocritical as it is a case of being "the more things change the more things stay the same". Throughout history men have always been more pursuant of younger women than women have been of younger men. You can pick your reasons for it and, on a case-by-case basis any of those reasons could be correct. It just seems to be in our nature. It doesn't necessarily make it either right or wrong, it's a matter of preference. At certain stages of life biological factors are also likely a great influence in the choices we make.


That said, having a preference to a certain age range isn't either selfish or shallow, it's a preference. Having that preference doesn't make you any more right or wrong than those outside of your preferred criteria who seek and pursue you.


Oh, and welcome to the "fora" (you already have the lingo down wink )! biggrin


theheart

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: Call me shallow, but here's how I see it. If I were to contact him, I'm saying I'm w...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

Call me shallow, but here's how I see it. If I were to contact him, I'm saying I'm willing to go up at least 13 years. Would this same 40+ year old man be willing to go up 13 years to 53?

--hide--

Yes, ask him!


BTW, some men your age would answer yes and well beyond 13 years. www.people.com eyepopping

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

I'm kind of wondering if I am even going to care how the annulment comes out for the same reason. I just can't square with the idea of someone my father's age being a date. Not so much on here, but in real life, that's who seems to not be bothered that I have a child already and approaches me. I know my parents were young when they married, and that it's unusual for people to be only a few months shy of each other in age, but still - the idea of a fellow that's 50 being interested is sort of creepy. Right now it's actually sort of a big relief to say "Sorry, I can't."

Now, as to your situation...I have this 28 year old brother who is a really nice guy but super shy...he's not on here but I keep trying to set him up. My mother says to quit because it's embarassing him but hey, he's my little brother, isn't embarassing him my job? LOL (Just joking...sort of.)

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

P. S. - The order in family might make a difference too. I just realized thinking about it that it would be odd to date someone my brother's age, even though we're not in high school anymore so technically the seniors could date the sophomores...your post has at least given me something to puzzle over if everything finishes up where I have to make decisions...

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: I'm new to the fora. This is only my second post, but I have been on Catholic Match for a wh...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

I'm new to the fora. This is only my second post, but I have been on Catholic Match for a while. I am 27 years old and suddenly I feel really old because I keep getting views from older men. I don't mind a few (FEW is the key word) years up or down. I actually feel like I'm quite flexible. I'm willing to go down up to 4 years and up up to 5 years. I wouldn't mind going a few years older if he has some of the qualities in there I like to see. I'll admit lately most of the guys who I've viewed or have viewed have been in that range, but I'm tired of men in in their 40's trying to contact me. Call me shallow, but here's how I see it. If I were to contact him, I'm saying I'm willing to go up at least 13 years. Would this same 40+ year old man be willing to go up 13 years to 53? I'm thinking since he's contacting much younger women the answer is no. More often than not, men in my preference category 23-32 or 33 contact me, but I get creeped out when much older men try to contact me. Ever since I turned 27, I've surrendered my right to date men my own age. I've seen post after post of men saying they'd be willing to go down to women MUCH younger but only a couple of years older. Why the hypocrsy?

--hide--

Keep in mind that not all women have the same preference regarding the age range of those they will consider dating. The only way another person can know your preference is to view your profile. If you haven't stated the preference in your profile, you really don't have a rational reason to complain about men outside your preferred age range contacting you.

It may also help to consider that some people view profiles for various reasons that have nothing to do with an interest in dating the other person. If someone you're not interested in views your profile, just ignore it. If they contact you attempting to with the intention of getting acquainted, you have the choice of either declining or simply ignoring them. If they persist after you make your preference known, either in your profile or by personal communication, then block them.

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

Thanks for your post Marita, I have a similar post asking what is a good age for a guy of the age 40 to search for. and the last thing I want to do is creep anybody out, so its 30 and up for me, just hope God send me a soul mate.

good luck with some one your own age.

Tele

 

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

Lol! What's his name? Sort of joking. I won't tell him or your mom. shhh

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

Yes, I saw your post. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would be glad to date you. Personally, though, my preference is 33 and under. HOWEVER, there have been some instances where I have suprised myself and was interested men in their mid to late 30's. I don't start getting creeped out, however, until it is past 40. I think that mostly has to do with the 4 being the first number. I sincerely hope I'm not hurting egos.

LOCKED
Dec 12th 2012 new

My take on the age thing is if you have a preferred range, it should be clear in your profile. At least that way the gentlemen are not expected to be mind readers. Speaking from experience, that still will not eliminate what you consider to be age-inappropriate views, emotes or messages, as some men just look at pictures and don’t really care what you have written. Sad but true. Sigh.

I'm not sure I'd call it hypocrisy, and I hesitate to generalize about the motives of men who seek women much younger than themselves, although the results of speculating are rarely flattering. A man who has a younger woman hanging off his arm does not look "cool" or "happening". He looks creepy, like Hugh Hefner - hardly a role model for a Catholic marriage.

For me it is summed up with a simple saying: a wife is neither a man’s mother nor his daughter, and a husband is neither a wife’s son nor her father.

When I was much younger, my age preference was around my age, give or take a few years. As I got a bit older, I became more open to up to ten years older or younger, but that’s when differences in stages of life became more apparent to me. A gentleman who is well over 50 is likely thinking about retirement and not starting a family. I am not there in my life plan. With gentlemen who are 10 years plus younger than me, I notice a difference in maturity and life experience. I am not in the same place in life that they are either. Building a successful relationship that leads to marriage requires a solid foundation. At least from my perspective, age does matter in how two people relate to each other. I relate to someone close to my own age much more easily.

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