Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

12/25/2012 new

HEY ALL YOU MEN, I STILL NEED YOU!!



Just thought I'd throw that out there.

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said: If a woman's way of life is described as sexually "loose" then I agree, she is no...
(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said:

If a woman's way of life is described as sexually "loose" then I agree, she is not marriage material. But I also believe that a man who lifestyle is described as sexually "loose" or as previously described as "experienced' is not marriage material either. It is both women and men that should be chaste.

--hide--

I agree that the same criteria apply to men as well as women in this regard. However, being "experienced" and being "loose" are not synonymous. Being "loose" implies current immoral sexual behavior; the experience may have been gained in various ways, moral or immoral, in the past while the person is now living a chaste life.

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

One thing I was discussing with other Catholic moms on my Catholic mom's forum, is that women sometimes make men 'unnecesary' without meaning to at all. Women are to be the 'helpmate' for their husbands who are to lead the family. But so often, in the 'helping' we over do it and leave the man feeling unnecesary.


In my marriage, my ex did not want to be bothered by lots of the responsibilities of owning a home, large yard, vehicles, caring for or disciplining the 6 children we had.
He decided he need not help me out at night at all, even on the nights he was home and had no place to go in the morning, because I 'survived' on my own those nights he was away working all night. And because I was used to being up with the baby or toddler who might keep me up most of the night and still function ok to care for him and all the children and myself, I didn't ask him to help me at night when he was home. So -- did I creat a viscious cycle?? Or just deal with the hand I was dealt?? His father acted as king in his home and his wife acted as slave and workerbee with no interests or rights of her own.
And since I dealt ok with disciplining the children when he was gone and he was uninterested in any troubles with them that I would have liked help with, he decided he was not needed to be involved with disciplining them when he was home -- he would pretend not to notice any bad behavior unless it was pointed out to him and then he would tell the kids to go to mom to be dealt with.
(He would complain and yell about the kids' behavior to me behind closed doors in our bedroom and tell me to punish them and stop the behavior, but he never handed out punishment or talked to the kids about their behavior except for the very few occasions when for no known reason he would explode and spank one of the very young kids for something minor.)
Because I kept up with the laundry, housework, mealmaking, decluttering, toy pick-up, homeschooling, crafts and artwork with the kids, etc etc etc, he never felt needed for help in any of those areas, and he decided he was free to only do the enjoyable, easy, fun parts of having a home and family and I was to take care of everything unpleasant and hard or drudgery-ish. He still refused to put his own sishes in the dishwasher or even fold his own laundry -- insisting I carefully sort, wash, dry, fold and iron everything, without even thinking to tell me if he wanted a certain uniform or dress shirt ready a certain day so I just always had to be thinking about his needs and reading his mind. He, maybe, made himself feel powerful by making me always cater to him and his every need??
I do not know if, had I leaned on him more and forced him to be 'necessary' by insisting on him taking turns walking a fussy baby or changing a baby after I'd nursed him/her or sending the kids to him when they misbehaved, or if I'd insisted he take care of the kids every other day so I could go for a run instead of giving him always free time to go for a run and that my running only happen around the track when I brought toys and kids and ran around and around them as they played, or that he cut the grass once in a while instead of me with a baby on my hip or back, etc etc etc -- I do not know if he would have stepped up then and accepted responsibility for more and 'become a man' instead of remaining the immature selfcentered narcissist that he is still.
But I do think a more 'normal' man would have wanted to be made to feel necessary and appreciated and useful.
Don't know if this rambling is really on topic or not, but thought I'd throw it out there for your thoughts and discussion.

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

(Quote) Rachel-731570 said: One thing I was discussing with other Catholic moms on my Catholic mom's forum, is that wome...
(Quote) Rachel-731570 said:

One thing I was discussing with other Catholic moms on my Catholic mom's forum, is that women sometimes make men 'unnecesary' without meaning to at all. Women are to be the 'helpmate' for their husbands who are to lead the family. But so often, in the 'helping' we over do it and leave the man feeling unnecesary.


In my marriage, my ex did not want to be bothered by lots of the responsibilities of owning a home, large yard, vehicles, caring for or disciplining the 6 children we had.
He decided he need not help me out at night at all, even on the nights he was home and had no place to go in the morning, because I 'survived' on my own those nights he was away working all night. And because I was used to being up with the baby or toddler who might keep me up most of the night and still function ok to care for him and all the children and myself, I didn't ask him to help me at night when he was home. So -- did I creat a viscious cycle?? Or just deal with the hand I was dealt?? His father acted as king in his home and his wife acted as slave and workerbee with no interests or rights of her own.
And since I dealt ok with disciplining the children when he was gone and he was uninterested in any troubles with them that I would have liked help with, he decided he was not needed to be involved with disciplining them when he was home -- he would pretend not to notice any bad behavior unless it was pointed out to him and then he would tell the kids to go to mom to be dealt with.
(He would complain and yell about the kids' behavior to me behind closed doors in our bedroom and tell me to punish them and stop the behavior, but he never handed out punishment or talked to the kids about their behavior except for the very few occasions when for no known reason he would explode and spank one of the very young kids for something minor.)
Because I kept up with the laundry, housework, mealmaking, decluttering, toy pick-up, homeschooling, crafts and artwork with the kids, etc etc etc, he never felt needed for help in any of those areas, and he decided he was free to only do the enjoyable, easy, fun parts of having a home and family and I was to take care of everything unpleasant and hard or drudgery-ish. He still refused to put his own sishes in the dishwasher or even fold his own laundry -- insisting I carefully sort, wash, dry, fold and iron everything, without even thinking to tell me if he wanted a certain uniform or dress shirt ready a certain day so I just always had to be thinking about his needs and reading his mind. He, maybe, made himself feel powerful by making me always cater to him and his every need??
I do not know if, had I leaned on him more and forced him to be 'necessary' by insisting on him taking turns walking a fussy baby or changing a baby after I'd nursed him/her or sending the kids to him when they misbehaved, or if I'd insisted he take care of the kids every other day so I could go for a run instead of giving him always free time to go for a run and that my running only happen around the track when I brought toys and kids and ran around and around them as they played, or that he cut the grass once in a while instead of me with a baby on my hip or back, etc etc etc -- I do not know if he would have stepped up then and accepted responsibility for more and 'become a man' instead of remaining the immature selfcentered narcissist that he is still.
But I do think a more 'normal' man would have wanted to be made to feel necessary and appreciated and useful.
Don't know if this rambling is really on topic or not, but thought I'd throw it out there for your thoughts and discussion.

--hide--


He does not sound like a full participant in the home life. Am I getting it wrong? I always imagine someone who would share the chores to some extent. I work outside now. I think it is amazing you lasted as long as you did in this situation Rachel. You are very self sacrificing and giving.

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

(Quote) Rachel-731570 said: One thing I was discussing with other Catholic moms on my Catholic mom's forum, is that wome...
(Quote) Rachel-731570 said:

One thing I was discussing with other Catholic moms on my Catholic mom's forum, is that women sometimes make men 'unnecesary' without meaning to at all. Women are to be the 'helpmate' for their husbands who are to lead the family. But so often, in the 'helping' we over do it and leave the man feeling unnecesary.


In my marriage, my ex did not want to be bothered by lots of the responsibilities of owning a home, large yard, vehicles, caring for or disciplining the 6 children we had.
He decided he need not help me out at night at all, even on the nights he was home and had no place to go in the morning, because I 'survived' on my own those nights he was away working all night. And because I was used to being up with the baby or toddler who might keep me up most of the night and still function ok to care for him and all the children and myself, I didn't ask him to help me at night when he was home. So -- did I creat a viscious cycle?? Or just deal with the hand I was dealt?? His father acted as king in his home and his wife acted as slave and workerbee with no interests or rights of her own.
And since I dealt ok with disciplining the children when he was gone and he was uninterested in any troubles with them that I would have liked help with, he decided he was not needed to be involved with disciplining them when he was home -- he would pretend not to notice any bad behavior unless it was pointed out to him and then he would tell the kids to go to mom to be dealt with.
(He would complain and yell about the kids' behavior to me behind closed doors in our bedroom and tell me to punish them and stop the behavior, but he never handed out punishment or talked to the kids about their behavior except for the very few occasions when for no known reason he would explode and spank one of the very young kids for something minor.)
Because I kept up with the laundry, housework, mealmaking, decluttering, toy pick-up, homeschooling, crafts and artwork with the kids, etc etc etc, he never felt needed for help in any of those areas, and he decided he was free to only do the enjoyable, easy, fun parts of having a home and family and I was to take care of everything unpleasant and hard or drudgery-ish. He still refused to put his own sishes in the dishwasher or even fold his own laundry -- insisting I carefully sort, wash, dry, fold and iron everything, without even thinking to tell me if he wanted a certain uniform or dress shirt ready a certain day so I just always had to be thinking about his needs and reading his mind. He, maybe, made himself feel powerful by making me always cater to him and his every need??
I do not know if, had I leaned on him more and forced him to be 'necessary' by insisting on him taking turns walking a fussy baby or changing a baby after I'd nursed him/her or sending the kids to him when they misbehaved, or if I'd insisted he take care of the kids every other day so I could go for a run instead of giving him always free time to go for a run and that my running only happen around the track when I brought toys and kids and ran around and around them as they played, or that he cut the grass once in a while instead of me with a baby on my hip or back, etc etc etc -- I do not know if he would have stepped up then and accepted responsibility for more and 'become a man' instead of remaining the immature selfcentered narcissist that he is still.
But I do think a more 'normal' man would have wanted to be made to feel necessary and appreciated and useful.
Don't know if this rambling is really on topic or not, but thought I'd throw it out there for your thoughts and discussion.

--hide--
Hi Rachel,

Your depiction of spousal irresponsibility was another instance of Catholic-Match evidence that truth is stranger than fiction.

Your hints that avoiding the friction can sometimes increase the affliction were more helpful reminders to remove the blinders.

Offered with conviction and promises to be kinder, cool

John

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: HEY ALL YOU MEN, I STILL NEED YOU!!Just thought I'd throw that out there.
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

HEY ALL YOU MEN, I STILL NEED YOU!!

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

--hide--
Mary,

I'm skeptical. I think too many of you just knead our dough. eyebrow

No-dough doughboy here,

John

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

I feel like we women in the younger generation have gotten a lot of mixed messages about what it means to be a man and woman. I have found that as I have gotten deeper into practicing and reading the Catholic faith, I'm reading more about what true masculinity and true femininity are. I will probably be looking and working toward these ideals for the rest of my life.


Not everything was perfect in the past, but neither were my great grandmother's, grandmother's, and mother's lives worthless nor were they weak. I believe that some of feminism's initial issues are a level of social class and educational attainment. My great grandmother came to this country alone from Poland. Both of my great grandmothers were left widows with multiple children in the 1920s. My grandmother worked in the factory during WWII waiting for my grandfather. My other grandmother worked in the factory in the 1950s and 1960s while my grandfather worked various shifts on the railroads. My mother was the first to obtain a bachelor's degree; I have a master's in Library and Information Science. While the world may view their lives as ordinary and boring, as an adult, I'm starting realize that people made decisions with strength and God's grace to shape our family for today. I'm sure if each of us look back far enough in our families or role models, we can find those same qualities.

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said: Radical feminists, like we see on “The View”, are living proof ...
(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said:

Radical feminists, like we see on “The View”, are living proof that women need men. It is very easy to see what life without men has produced in these females. A balanced, loving relationship between a man and a woman when united by God is much like a beautiful dance. Men lead while they watch to take cues from the woman they love, looking out for her needs even before she has them and anticipating her desires. Women on the other hand, can peacefully trust in the fact that the man she loves will protect them from danger and guide them to the joy of the movements of life. In this dance, they move as one body often oblivious of the others on the dance floor.

While some may judge harshly the dance between the man and woman who are united in God, I suspect it may be more from frustration caused by the lack of love in their own lives.

Our faith has always provided guidance on the issues between a man and a woman. In my opinion, the problems discussed in this article are caused because some choose to be guided by secularism rather than our faith. Good men and woman can be found. Our churches and CM are full of them. I suggest we pay more attention to the dance God has given us and less attention to the sad, caustic prunes that have chosen to cut themselves off from the music of life.


- Elizabeth

--hide--




What she said. wink Very well said, Elizabeth!

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

(Quote) Tara-916865 said: You definitely bring up some good points... These days, women can...
(Quote) Tara-916865 said:


You definitely bring up some good points...


These days, women can be breadwinners. Women can buy homes on their own. Women can get pregnant through fertility treatments (a former classmate from Catholic school choose to do this earlier this year - a vow that she'd become a mother by 30 even if she didn't have a man). Women can choose to be single mothers through adoption. And, without sounding crass or offensive, women can find sexual gratification through "battery-operated devices".


So, yeah, I can see where men can feel threatened and useless, and I think this is really sad.

--hide--


huh,.. this whole post, which speaks the truth, really hit home.... I think the word USELESS would be the prefered term here. and yeah, it is sad.

LOCKED
12/25/2012 new

In my experience, yes. Not so much that they don't need men, but easily will cut one of us loose if they think they can trade up to something better. One problem I see is that a man isn't allowed to be a man, even though women complain that we don't man up. It's like Lucy complaining that Charlie Brown doesn't try to kick the football anymore, but still pulls it at the last second and leaves him flat on his back.


I've met far too many women who have a list of requirements that are either too difficult to reach, or would require me to be someone I'm not in order to meet them. These days, you have to be a Soldier/Saint/Soap Opera Actor in the eyes of women. I still hold out hope that I'll meet one that accepts me as the imperfect man I am, but also understands my efforts to do my best in all things. Trouble is, the women seem to want all that perfection up front.

And there does seem to be a correlation with these type of women being American, versus an apparently different mindset from foreign women.

I want a woman who both wants me and needs me, but can also be self-sufficient when I'm away for any reason. Proverbs 31 speaks to this.

And for crying out loud, let a man be a man. If I want to open doors or pull out chairs, then that's the end of it. You don't have a say in my being a gentleman. Appreciate and value it instead of taking it as an implied insult to your femininity.

That's it.

LOCKED
Posts 31 - 40 of 196