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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

01/08/2013 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: I've been going through a tough time, guys. The holidays are especially hard this year. Havin...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

I've been going through a tough time, guys. The holidays are especially hard this year. Having been separated since 2008, divorced since 2011, and annulled just last summer, I still feel raw and I can't quite figure it out tonight. Things have been bad for so long, I thought I had just accepted it and made the sacrificial offering. I forgive my ex, but the reality of what happened doesn't cease to exist. He was unfaithful, he was abusive towards me, and somehow I find myself exiled and living in my father's house. Moving on, when the children are with him most of the time, is especially painful right now. My normally sanguine self is bogging down as grief comes in waves.

So here's an effort to go beyond the pity party I would very easily set up for myself. I know everyone here has experienced the collapse of their marriage and that it has affected each of you in different ways - emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially. There is so much we want to change, but can't. We can. however, turn all things over to Our Heavenly Father. In Advent, we read about promises made and kept. God is a loving Father who always keeps His promises. We will never be abandoned. My children will never be orphaned.

Please join me in this prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--hide--


Thanks and God bless you. I say this prayer several times a day. Acceptance is the key to serenity and peace. Things will get better.

BTW, the one thing we can change is ourselves. The things we must accept are just about everything else. if we work on changing ourselves and the way we react to the thing we can't change (like your present situation), we get better and then the other things n our lives improve as well. This prayer teaches us to accept God. If we try to change other people and things, our lives become nothing but frustration, anger, bitterness, and resentment. If we accept them and change how we react to them, everything gets better. Funny how God works when HE is in charge.

01/08/2013 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: BTW, the one thing we can change is ourselves. The things we must accept are just about everythin...
(Quote) David-364112 said:

BTW, the one thing we can change is ourselves. The things we must accept are just about everything else. if we work on changing ourselves and the way we react to the thing we can't change (like your present situation), we get better and then the other things n our lives improve as well. This prayer teaches us to accept God. If we try to change other people and things, our lives become nothing but frustration, anger, bitterness, and resentment. If we accept them and change how we react to them, everything gets better. Funny how God works when HE is in charge.

--hide--


Amen, brother. There is a group. modeled after AA, called CoDA - Codependents Anonymous. I learned the prayer there. Recovery from such unhealthy relationships takes a long time and conscious effort. And yes, the only person we can change is ourselves. Now and then I would attend a group at a local parish when I lived in St Paul. More info for those interested here:

www.coda.org

Some improvement with the parenting schedule. Thanks be to God! theheart

01/09/2013 new
I'm praying for you Alice and remember God has a plan for you, and he will only want the best for you.
01/09/2013 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Amen, brother. There is a group. modeled after AA, called CoDA - Codependents Anonym...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:


Amen, brother. There is a group. modeled after AA, called CoDA - Codependents Anonymous. I learned the prayer there. Recovery from such unhealthy relationships takes a long time and conscious effort. And yes, the only person we can change is ourselves. Now and then I would attend a group at a local parish when I lived in St Paul. More info for those interested here:

www.coda.org

Some improvement with the parenting schedule. Thanks be to God!

--hide--


i had a feeling you were familiar with 12-step programs. one of them saved my life and brought about a conversion of heart that i'd tried for years to achieve but couldn't - until i began a program of recovery. faith and gratitude are the operative words today where formerly it was fear despair resentment and anger.

01/09/2013 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: I've been going through a tough time, guys. The holidays are especially hard this year. Havin...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

I've been going through a tough time, guys. The holidays are especially hard this year. Having been separated since 2008, divorced since 2011, and annulled just last summer, I still feel raw and I can't quite figure it out tonight. Things have been bad for so long, I thought I had just accepted it and made the sacrificial offering. I forgive my ex, but the reality of what happened doesn't cease to exist. He was unfaithful, he was abusive towards me, and somehow I find myself exiled and living in my father's house. Moving on, when the children are with him most of the time, is especially painful right now. My normally sanguine self is bogging down as grief comes in waves.

So here's an effort to go beyond the pity party I would very easily set up for myself. I know everyone here has experienced the collapse of their marriage and that it has affected each of you in different ways - emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially. There is so much we want to change, but can't. We can. however, turn all things over to Our Heavenly Father. In Advent, we read about promises made and kept. God is a loving Father who always keeps His promises. We will never be abandoned. My children will never be orphaned.

Please join me in this prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--hide--


hug rosary theheart

01/09/2013 new

I love this prayer. Keep on saying it...it helps.

I too, was in an abusive (emotionally and financially) marriage. My girls are with their dad half the time, and because of his behavior I am suing for full custody. He pulls a lot of garbage. I find myself grateful I left. I have been divorced for 2 years, and recently was granted an annulment.

I have to trust that God will provide.

01/09/2013 new

I know how you feel Alice. The end of a marriage is life altering....not easy that is for sure. I too love the Serenitiy Prayer. There are many things that happen in one's life that there is no control over. The key is to be positive and to accept the things you cannot change which is almost 90% of what happens to you. However, out of every terrible thing there is always something good......always. Focus on the good and what you do have in your life and not what you don't. One day at a time and things will get better. Have faith, hope and pray Alice and things will get better.

01/15/2013 new

Alice, I have found the best way to get past it is to work on me. What was my part in the problems that happened? Why have I not loved and respected myself enough in the past that I allowed people to treat me is wrong ways. The serenity prayer is a wonderful pray. This year I pray that we all look at ourselves. We cannot change one little thing about anybody but ourselves. And I find I can't even change me without Jesus.


I hope you are feeling better. God bless.

01/15/2013 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Amen, brother. There is a group. modeled after AA, called CoDA - Codependents Anonym...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:


Amen, brother. There is a group. modeled after AA, called CoDA - Codependents Anonymous. I learned the prayer there. Recovery from such unhealthy relationships takes a long time and conscious effort. And yes, the only person we can change is ourselves. Now and then I would attend a group at a local parish when I lived in St Paul. More info for those interested here:

www.coda.org

Some improvement with the parenting schedule. Thanks be to God!

--hide--
There is also a great place called the Hoffman [www.hoffmaninstitute.org. My best friend just went last summer and I can't believe the change in her. She is handling her cancer so well and I attribute it to what she learned there. I want to go when my daughter is old enough to stay with her dad.

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