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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: Ray, I think my viewing men's profiles in Searches and from Threads is my way of giving g...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said:

Ray, I think my viewing men's profiles in Searches and from Threads is my way of giving gents a nudge.
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I agree, Kathleen ... smile








fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: If you drop hints, a guy who's awake should take the hint. If only it worked that way more ofte...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

If you drop hints, a guy who's awake should take the hint. If only it worked that way more often.....

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........... but .... but .... but I'm told that men don't take hints too well eyepopping eyebrow








fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) MaryAlice-97161 said: ........... but .... but .... but I'm told that men don't take hints too well
(Quote) MaryAlice-97161 said:


........... but .... but .... but I'm told that men don't take hints too well

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Because when we do we're often told that it was only a view and we're assuming too much when we think otherwise. There are countless threads in this fora that give testimony to it.


theheart

 

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: (Quote) MaryAlice-97161 said: ........... but .... but .... but I'...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

Quote:
MaryAlice-97161 said:


........... but .... but .... but I'm told that men don't take hints too well



Because when we do we're often told that it was only a view and we're assuming too much when we think otherwise. There are countless threads in this fora that give testimony to it.

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If shouldn't be this difficult.

A great deal of the problem here seems to be rooted around assumptions and expectations: assumptions about what certain behaviors mean or don't mean and expectations about how others will act.

The only person whose behavior any of us can control is our own. Likewise, we are the only one who has control over how we respond to situations. If other people's behavior bothers you (e.g., those who don't respond to contacts, people you aren't interested in do contact you, etc.), you can get upset and complain or you can change how you respond emotionally to those events. Only one of those approaches is going to result in a happier you. Care to guess which one?

[N.B. This is a general comment in response to the topic as a whole; it is not addressed to Victor specifically.]

12/19/2012 new

Oh, Jerry - two of my "favorite" words: assumptions and expectations. It is amazing how these two clearly defined words create soooooo many problems in the world!!!!! Each of us could write volumes on our personal experiences around these two words alone.

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Meg-920823 said: Donna-I love that about refusing to move our feet...I'm going to remember that one...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:


Donna-I love that about refusing to move our feet...I'm going to remember that one. Thanks.

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Your Welcome Meg. Merry Christmas!

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Gary-918050 said: Oh, Jerry - two of my "favorite" words: assumptions and expectations. It is amazing how ...
(Quote) Gary-918050 said:

Oh, Jerry - two of my "favorite" words: assumptions and expectations. It is amazing how these two clearly defined words create soooooo many problems in the world!!!!! Each of us could write volumes on our personal experiences around these two words alone.

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You can say that again. As the saying goes, you know what happens when you ass-u-me...

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: I will create Searches, or see someone in a thread, in whom I might be interested and I will ...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said:

I will create Searches, or see someone in a thread, in whom I might be interested and I will click on their photo and look at their profile. If he looks back at my profile, but don't send me an emotigram or a message, I interpret that as him not being interested. So I guess, I am willing to "drop the hankie", as Victor called it, but then I expect/hope the man will do something more significant if he is interested in me. I have come to realize I need a man to take charge from the get go, because I want him to take charge in the relationship/marriage.

I just came across this CM if anyone is interested. It came out today and is about this very topic. Here is an excerpt.

CatholicMatch Men: Lead And We Will Follow

"If a man, according to Scripture, is the 'head of a wife,' well then us CatholicMatch ladies should be sitting back with our feet up waiting for noble CatholicMatch men to make the first move, right?

According to Scott Croft, a contributor to Focus on the Familys 'Boundless' webzine, the answer is, indeed, yes. He wrote in his 2005 post:

'I think it is part of our job as men to risk rejection and be the initiators of dates and dating relationships, and if you wait until she has gone out on a limb and made her interest known, youre asking her to take the risk instead of taking it on yourself.'

Croft goes on to say that a woman pursuing a man sets a tone in the relationship for reversed biblical roles in marriage:

'The much wiser course in a dating contextboth for purposes of evaluating a potential spouse in biblical terms and to lay the groundwork for a biblically sound marriageis for the guy to model godly initiative and leadership with the womans good in mind, and for the woman to respond to that leadership.' - www.catholicmatch.com
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I can agree with this. I think it's more natural on both sides.

12/20/2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: For me this entire thread is ridiculous--I mean, come on, people.... There is a reason why we ...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

For me this entire thread is ridiculous--I mean, come on, people....

There is a reason why we are all single, and it is abundantly clear from what is being said in this thread.

No one is willing to step up and actually DO anything. In the first instance, this is the men's role, which CM men are abdicating, and that is a pity.

In the second instance, it is a woman's role to "encourage" him (which at most here is sending a note). This is a dance, where everyone has their part to dance, and if no one will dance their part, well, there's gonna be no party here....

So it's a pity, it really is, and if one is called to the vocation of marriage, I think it borders on or even is a sin as well, to not act on one's vocational call to DO SOMETHING so as to allow for it to happen.

You have to give God raw material with which to work.

That is reaching out to someone. After that, it is up to the other person, and to God. Either, and eventually both, have to say "yes" and until that happens, you just keep giving God more "raw material" to work with each day to try and fulfill your vocation.

Send of sermon.

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Would a simple question work as a start? For example when I'm at a party, I might not be good at dancing but if there is a game to play requiring a partner I would normally ask a gal if she's interested. However, I used to be very shy when I was a child so it took plenty of courage on my part to ask a gal to a slow dance or to start a conversation with her. Surely, from that moment on I've been rejected and decided to go back to my environment of shyness a few times. However, I couldn't live with the fact that I have given up on myself. I know God doesn't give up on me so I've got no reason to give up on myself. I still have a reserved personality but I'm no longer afraid to ask any girl a question when I'm interested. What's the worse thing she can say to me? She can say no or not interested then I'll just have to get back on my feet, stand up straight with my head high, chest out, and walk away. That's what I try do even though my confidence got shattered for a moment or two.

12/20/2012 new

(Quote) Donna-871766 said: But you can't ask God to guide your footsteps if you refuse to move your feet.
(Quote) Donna-871766 said:

But you can't ask God to guide your footsteps if you refuse to move your feet.

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Donna, thank you so much for this inspiration. You've motivated me to "move my feet" and have courage knowing God is guiding my footsteps.

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