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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Another womans child

12/19/2012 new

A few weeks ago, my eldest son 17yrs brought his friend over. He is 18yrs and according to my older boys, they attended the same highschool. My son seemed insistant, his friend stay and arranged for him to sleep on our quest cot. At first it was no big deal, when he slept over a few nights, but I needed to find out what was going on. I sat down with my son and he began to explain the situation. He said "Mom, he's homeless" ........
In disbelief, I said "what do you mean homeless"? He further explained an unrestful situation at home that resulted in him being kicked out. I talked with all the boys and the concensus was to let him stay. What could they say really, they didnt belief it either. I think my kids find it hard to belief a young person so close to their age is in this position. To make things more difficult, he suffers from ADD. This evening when I worked on the computer with him, I found he struggles with reading and spelling. This evening while all the boys were gaming, computing, texting, I wondered where his friend went. He was in my sons room, sitting on side of the bed with his head lowered. When he looked up, he didnt smile like he usually does. A few weeks ago I wondered when he would be ready to talk and this was going to be the night. I came in and asked him how the apt search was going and so. He began telling me things he was going to do. I pressed deeper, asking him if his family will help him. While describing the circumstances, he brought up his sick grandmother. He started to cry and he was coming unglued. He was sobbing so much I had to grab him and hug him. Well it was either that or slap him in the face. He hugged me back and nearly took my breath away. I told him to calm down. I told him to disassociate himself from negative situations and focus on himself. Emphasizing, the path God has set before him. He told me he was so frusterated with the situation, he had thoughts of suicide. I told him this is not an acceptible answer. I explained life is difficult but also rewarding and you must overcome to get to the next level and eventually Heaven. After he calmed down I discussed a short term action plan for him. He wanted to write some things down and I gave him a composition book I found. After writing in the book he shared it with my son.
Clearly, he needs help and way more than I can provide with food and shelter. Where do I go from here? He has tribal affiliations, but Im not sure who would help him. My dilema is, how do I help another womans child?

12/19/2012 new

heart Your actions are very admirable, and he is lucky he happened to have a friend with a wonderful Mom!

I am trying to think of resources off the top of my head, but I can't think of anything. The main problem I see here is that he is 18, so he has aged out of most of the systems that would help him. Now, financially, he might be able to get some sort of state aid, and, of course, the other thought that comes to mind is your parish - would they have any way of helping him?


Just keep in mind that he is also Mary's child and God's child. That other woman is only his earthly Mom, and, apparently things didn't work out so well with that. I hope you will keep everyone posted on what happens!

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: Your actions are very admirable, and he is lucky he happened to have a friend with a wonderful Mo...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

Your actions are very admirable, and he is lucky he happened to have a friend with a wonderful Mom!

I am trying to think of resources off the top of my head, but I can't think of anything. The main problem I see here is that he is 18, so he has aged out of most of the systems that would help him. Now, financially, he might be able to get some sort of state aid, and, of course, the other thought that comes to mind is your parish - would they have any way of helping him?


Just keep in mind that he is also Mary's child and God's child. That other woman is only his earthly Mom, and, apparently things didn't work out so well with that. I hope you will keep everyone posted on what happens!

--hide--
I wouldnt want my children out there sleeping on the streets, maybe this hits close to home for me. Yes, he would have some financial benefits but I am trying to steer him toward employment. I dont know if Im ready to have that talk with him, "finances and you" so to speak. Yes, I didnt think of going to the church. Thats a good idea, maybe I should take him with me. I plan to make some inquiries tommorow. He was in foster care for a long time. Your right, because he is legally an adult it may be more difficult to obtain help. Hopefully at some point his family will embrace him and support him, but until then........

12/19/2012 new

My heart theheart goes out to you...I'm a young ( well I guess!) mom as well, and my oldest is 19, he is now back at home, he begged to come back, had to boot him out as well at 18, ( he was stealing $ and pawning ALL my jewelry ) but he wasn't homeless, Grandparents ( my folks ) took him in....Not my plan but Gods I guess.

My son and I are reconciling, its hard..You are being an angel to this young man now, and you will be richly rewarded. Yes all the advice is good as far as getting him on his feet, aid, job perhaps etc.

I would slowly find out more about his family life, and his mom, maybe she wants to know eventually he is safe is she doesnt know already.

I have temporarily housed 2 young ladies in the past 2 years who had issues at home, been "kicked-out" and both returned back home. Praise God.

Our world is so broken, as we all know, You're doing all that you know, is to be a loving Mom...hug

God bless and good luck ,keep us posted...

12/19/2012 new

What a wonderful thing to do helping this boy out. I just wonder where he would be right now without your help. Yes, I think bringing him to Mass, and thus closer to God would be a good thing.

You mentioned tribal affiliations. Could be that there are some resources there that could help.

www.dshs.wa.gov



(Quote) Theresa-911246 said: (Quote) Celia-821539 said: Your actions are very admirable, and he is lu...
(Quote) Theresa-911246 said:

Quote:
Celia-821539 said:

Your actions are very admirable, and he is lucky he happened to have a friend with a wonderful Mom!

I am trying to think of resources off the top of my head, but I can't think of anything. The main problem I see here is that he is 18, so he has aged out of most of the systems that would help him. Now, financially, he might be able to get some sort of state aid, and, of course, the other thought that comes to mind is your parish - would they have any way of helping him?


Just keep in mind that he is also Mary's child and God's child. That other woman is only his earthly Mom, and, apparently things didn't work out so well with that. I hope you will keep everyone posted on what happens!


I wouldnt want my children out there sleeping on the streets, maybe this hits close to home for me. Yes, he would have some financial benefits but I am trying to steer him toward employment. I dont know if Im ready to have that talk with him, "finances and you" so to speak. Yes, I didnt think of going to the church. Thats a good idea, maybe I should take him with me. I plan to make some inquiries tommorow. He was in foster care for a long time. Your right, because he is legally an adult it may be more difficult to obtain help. Hopefully at some point his family will embrace him and support him, but until then........

--hide--

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-911246 said: A few weeks ago, my eldest son 17yrs brought his friend over. He is 18yrs and according to my o...
(Quote) Theresa-911246 said:

A few weeks ago, my eldest son 17yrs brought his friend over. He is 18yrs and according to my older boys, they attended the same highschool. My son seemed insistant, his friend stay and arranged for him to sleep on our quest cot. At first it was no big deal, when he slept over a few nights, but I needed to find out what was going on. I sat down with my son and he began to explain the situation. He said "Mom, he's homeless" ........
In disbelief, I said "what do you mean homeless"? He further explained an unrestful situation at home that resulted in him being kicked out. I talked with all the boys and the concensus was to let him stay. What could they say really, they didnt belief it either. I think my kids find it hard to belief a young person so close to their age is in this position. To make things more difficult, he suffers from ADD. This evening when I worked on the computer with him, I found he struggles with reading and spelling. This evening while all the boys were gaming, computing, texting, I wondered where his friend went. He was in my sons room, sitting on side of the bed with his head lowered. When he looked up, he didnt smile like he usually does. A few weeks ago I wondered when he would be ready to talk and this was going to be the night. I came in and asked him how the apt search was going and so. He began telling me things he was going to do. I pressed deeper, asking him if his family will help him. While describing the circumstances, he brought up his sick grandmother. He started to cry and he was coming unglued. He was sobbing so much I had to grab him and hug him. Well it was either that or slap him in the face. He hugged me back and nearly took my breath away. I told him to calm down. I told him to disassociate himself from negative situations and focus on himself. Emphasizing, the path God has set before him. He told me he was so frusterated with the situation, he had thoughts of suicide. I told him this is not an acceptible answer. I explained life is difficult but also rewarding and you must overcome to get to the next level and eventually Heaven. After he calmed down I discussed a short term action plan for him. He wanted to write some things down and I gave him a composition book I found. After writing in the book he shared it with my son.
Clearly, he needs help and way more than I can provide with food and shelter. Where do I go from here? He has tribal affiliations, but Im not sure who would help him. My dilema is, how do I help another womans child?

--hide--
More later, but for now the young man's safety is the primary concern. If he is contemplating ending his life, by all means have him call the nearest Suicide Prevention Center. Usually they are manned by trained volunteers 24/7. He needs to feel his problems can be solved. He does need counseling and perhaps the Prevention Center can help. If not, there might be a Catholic Charities office in your area. They usually have a list of faith-based counselors. His situation is beyond what you can do for him; professional help is needed -- urgently!!!

You didn't mention speaking with the young man's mother. Even if the conversation doesn't go well and she is un-cooperative, she needs to know that her son is safe. You haven't heard her side of the story yet.

These are measures that should be taken immediately.

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: My heart goes out to you...I'm a young ( well I guess!) mom as well, and my oldest is 19, h...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:

My heart goes out to you...I'm a young ( well I guess!) mom as well, and my oldest is 19, he is now back at home, he begged to come back, had to boot him out as well at 18, ( he was stealing $ and pawning ALL my jewelry ) but he wasn't homeless, Grandparents ( my folks ) took him in....Not my plan but Gods I guess.

My son and I are reconciling, its hard..You are being an angel to this young man now, and you will be richly rewarded. Yes all the advice is good as far as getting him on his feet, aid, job perhaps etc.

I would slowly find out more about his family life, and his mom, maybe she wants to know eventually he is safe is she doesnt know already.

I have temporarily housed 2 young ladies in the past 2 years who had issues at home, been "kicked-out" and both returned back home. Praise God.

Our world is so broken, as we all know, You're doing all that you know, is to be a loving Mom...

God bless and good luck ,keep us posted...

--hide--
Rebecca Its unfortunate your son was stealing from you. Honestly, nothing boys do surprises me anymore. I find kids do things like that for material gain but dont realize the impact it has on the family. Young people, younger than you and I, want independence so badly but seldom know where to start. Of course he knows what he did was wrong and he needs direction. The young man staying with us doesnt steel, or drink alcohol, or use drugs. He too needs direction. I met and talked with his mother several months ago. She seemed very nice. In fact her,her boyfriend and some other people came to my house a couple of weeks ago to visit him. I wasnt home at the time, and something happened,nothing too outragous, that caused me to go over house rules. We made some phone calls today. I contacted a few people on the reservation and they provided some quidence on housing and counseling. I left a message with a lady who helps young people in her community. He said he knew the woman, thats a plus. We'll see what happens.......

12/19/2012 new

If he is also 17 he is still a minor and his parents have abdicated their responsibility to care for him. You don't get the kick out your kid. I would be calling the equivalent of Department of Children and Family services or whatever it is called in your state.

I would also be on the phone to his parents and setting up a meeting to talk to them, maybe bringing along a priest.

God bless you for trying to help this troubled young man. Praying

12/19/2012 new

Sorry just saw the fact that he is 18...I would contact his parents, and/or social service agencies on his behalf.

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) ed-925050 said: What a wonderful thing to do helping this boy out. I just wonder where he would be right now without...
(Quote) ed-925050 said:

What a wonderful thing to do helping this boy out. I just wonder where he would be right now without your help. Yes, I think bringing him to Mass, and thus closer to God would be a good thing.

You mentioned tribal affiliations. Could be that there are some resources there that could help.

www.dshs.wa.gov



--hide--
Im working on it, thanks!

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