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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
12/22/2012 new

As they say... once you bite the fruit you never believe that you can live without it. Throughout my post-high school years and into my mid-30's I lived a very "worldly" life, coming back into our Faith several years ago. For a while giving-up that worldly lifestyle was a very difficult undertaking. Sometimes it felt impossible and that I was doomed to fail sooner or later, yet, several years later and a health scare that nearly took my life, I'm still here. Are the temptations still present? Of course they are... every day. Is it a struggle? At times, yes. When the temptation becomes too great I simply close my eyes and pray to St. Michael. You'd be amazed how powerful that prayer is... and how many times it pulled me back.


Don't overthing the whole part about taking a "vow". A vow of chastity is meaningless if you're not living to that vow, and if you're you're living chaste whether or not you've made a vow to do so is irrelevant.


theheart

12/22/2012 new

three parts:
1. the need for touch
I give my friends lots of hugs, my kids lots of hugs and kisses and backrubs, my cats lots of hugs.
I go to the hairdresser and just enjoy having someone's hands wash my hair, comb it out, touch and fix it (he's a guy).
I wear clothes that feel good on me -- fuzzy soft sweaters, silky nighties, snuggley clothes that comfort me, as well as invite hugs from others!
I pamper myself in little ways -- a long shower, smoothing oils and creams on my skin, etc.
I just find ways to get touched that help fill my need for touch.
2. marital relations (sex)
I wear myself out physically -- hard workouts, strenuous yard and house work, long walks or runs, swimming a mile or two as fast as I can and finishing with a few laps of butterfly stroke -- if your body is really tired, it doesn't have energy for what it can have anyway.
3. prayer, prayer, confession, prayer, Adoration, prayer, Bible reading, prayer, reading good books, more, you guessed it, prayer.


((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) -- it's so hard to be without sex after so long with it!!!!!!!!!!!

12/22/2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
--hide--

Prayer, especially the rosary, and fasting. When especially tempted, a Hail Mary or the St. Michael prayer (catholocity.net ).

It also helps to keep your mind and body occupied: there is much truth to the adage that an idle mind (hands) is the devil's playground. Divert your thoughts as soon as you realize they are going in that direction; the longer you let them linger, the more difficult it becomes.

12/22/2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
--hide--
You're definitely not alone, Kathryn. It's a tough struggle for some.

Others have already expressed their ideas, and solutions. Can't think of anything to add except to take things one day at a time.

Never taking a vow of chastity doesn't give one a license to violate what that vow means. There is chastity in an unmarried state; and chastity in marriage. Vow or not, the obligations are there.

12/22/2012 new

(Quote) Rachel-731570 said: 1. the need for touchI give my friends lots of hugs, my kids lots of hugs and kisses and bac...
(Quote) Rachel-731570 said:

1. the need for touch
I give my friends lots of hugs, my kids lots of hugs and kisses and backrubs, my cats lots of hugs.
I go to the hairdresser and just enjoy having someone's hands wash my hair, comb it out, touch and fix it (he's a guy).
I wear clothes that feel good on me -- fuzzy soft sweaters, silky nighties, snuggley clothes that comfort me, as well as invite hugs from others!
I pamper myself in little ways -- a long shower, smoothing oils and creams on my skin, etc.
I just find ways to get touched that help fill my need for touch.

--hide--

I disagree with this portion of your response. While none of these things are bad in and of themselves, when we respond to the passions (using the term in a philosophical sense) in this manner, we become further enslaved to them rather than mastering them.

12/22/2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
--hide--


Kate, I was the age you are now, when I was widowed with only two kids, ages 8 and 11. Initially, I was too numb and exhausted to even know I had a body--and then for a few years, too busy trying to get back on my feet and employed to have any interest or energy for desire. My daughters' activities took precedence, and before I knew it, several more years flew by, and were punctuated by menopause. No, it doesn't end there!
flamed hissyfit

Yes, there were times of great challenges, and more than one suitor who made me acutely aware of the strong desires within.... Prayer, and focus on what I really wanted and needed, helped me through those times, along with Reconciliation.

Bottom line: I want to be worthy of Heaven, when I die. And before I die, I hope that I'll meet a man, who will find me worthy of his standards, and share the path to eternal salvation. rose

12/22/2012 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: I disagree with this portion of your response. While none of these things are bad in and ...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

I disagree with this portion of your response. While none of these things are bad in and of themselves, when we respond to the passions (using the term in a philosophical sense) in this manner, we become further enslaved to them rather than mastering them.

--hide--


Actually, this is quite healthy. Were are not made to be alone, and healthy physical touch is part of existing in our design as a human being. This IS mastering them, and not being enslaved to them. People that do not have a spouse should make note to be around people more, as our psychie demands that we be in relationship with others. If we don't, then unhealthy things start happening to our brain in isolation.


You can get more info at the Theology of the Body healing institute.

12/22/2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
--hide--


Hi Kathryn,
I hope by turning to Christ and others you can be comforted in knowing God loves you and is holding you close to His heart even though you are here on this earth. In heaven only will we experience that true Joy that only God can give.

Keep trusting and hoping. And surrendering to God. God Bless all of your children ! You have a big task of being a mother. May God give you strength.
Praying hug rosary theheart

For a hug come to the Hug Thread wink
www.catholicmatch.com

12/22/2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
--hide--

Dear Kathryn,

I am the mother of five and married for 16 years. I have seen the challenge and pain of divorce, and loss of intimacy as an opportunity to

understand and explore my identity on an eternal plane. I look as priests and sisters and young men who are just becoming seminarians and

I see that they are making a choice to make a sacrifice in that part of their lives to pursue a deeper commitment and experience of the

Kingdom of God. All of life'sexperiences prepare us for eternity, and being alone and isolated I know that my identity comes from Christ

and embracing my humanity, not rejecting, but giving him all of my needs, in silence and abandonment and they dissipate. I bind my heart to

Christ's in my pain and loneliness and my soul grows in consciousness and depth of the eternal reality. Here and now is momentary and so

is the need. Find your consolation in Christ and the abandonment of all his needs out of love, hanging on the cross out of love for you and

me. You are not alone. You are not alone to survive. Let us pray for each other. Peace in this time of dark, cold waiting, alone and harsh in

the stable until the light comes. Merry Christmas, Kau

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