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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Dec 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
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Hi Kathryn, First let me say how sorry I am for the great loss you have suffered. I truly understand the pain only to well. Praying hug

I do have a lot to say regarding your topic here, but I will choose to email you privately. Not in the mood to have every word picked apart by some who have never been in these circumstances.

God bless you and your children. May the Holy Spirit bring comfort to you all. Praying Dove hug

Dec 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
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Kathryn -- it's not only the loss of a spouse that can create this problem. Consider the fact that many married people are caregivers to their disabled spouses, with many of those unable to continue an intimate relationship. It is definitely a hardship, yet we are called to be faithful and committed in spite of our desires.

You're mature enough to realize that any relationship based upon sex is being built on a weak foundation, and that judgment can become very clouded. As a practical matter, there is also the possibility of disease.

While remaining chaste is difficult for you, it may be easier than consequences of violating the call to chastity. I hope you will consider the suggestions and comments and prayers offered by others to be helpful. Most of them are being made by people who found themselves in similar circumstances, although possibly varying in intensity.

Your desires are normal; how you act on them is what makes a difference.

Dec 23rd 2012 new

Kathryn, I, too am sorry for your loss and totally understand where you are at. I think as widows we do feel the need so acutely because we had no choice in what happened to our spouse. They were pulled from us, there is no more contact - good or bad, and the hole left behind is enormous. Everything is intensified, including our need for sex. I don't have an answer for you, though I've often wondered the same thing myself. I do know at those times where I am able to pour myself into my faith, through prayer and outreach, bible study and faith sharing, the need is somehow lessened. Being a single mom is a lot of hard work and dedication. I think part of our psyche just wants someone to take care of us and that may contribute to our struggle. I've even feared that my desire will go away, and honestly, I don't want that to happen either.

Anyone married for more than a few years realizes there is more to a relationship than physical fulfillment. We also realize that nuturing that intimacy is extremely important for growing together. While there are ways to have our other needs met (spiritual, emotional, etc.) with outside help, there isn't any way, condoned or encouraged by the church, to meet our physical needs. All I can say is hang in there, you're not alone.

Dec 24th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
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Um, I definitely don't mean to sound flippant, or inappropriate, but my thought on this is....it's like the chocolate covered cherries that come out at Christmas. I just LOVE those things. shhh The whole rest of the year, I want chocolate covered cherries. I'm just waiting for Christmas to get the first box! eyepopping

It is O.K. and normal to want the chocolate covered cherries - there's nothing abnormal about that. lovestruck! In July, if I think about them, it's O.K., because I know that eventually, I will have them, just not right now. The likelihood that you will be without for the rest of your life is practically nil. crossfingers

You're young, pretty, and you'll find the right guy. Just like my Brach's cherries will come out every year at Christmas...In July I just remind myself that I will get to have as many as I want when it is time, and go on about my business. It kind of gives you something to look forward to. But, that's just my opinion. wave

Dec 24th 2012 new
(Quote) Celia-821539 said: Um, I definitely don't mean to sound flippant, or inappropriate, but my thought on this is....i...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:




Um, I definitely don't mean to sound flippant, or inappropriate, but my thought on this is....it's like the chocolate covered cherries that come out at Christmas. I just LOVE those things. The whole rest of the year, I want chocolate covered cherries. I'm just waiting for Christmas to get the first box!

It is O.K. and normal to want the chocolate covered cherries - there's nothing abnormal about that. In July, if I think about them, it's O.K., because I know that eventually, I will have them, just not right now. The likelihood that you will be without for the rest of your life is practically nil.

You're young, pretty, and you'll find the right guy. Just like my Brach's cherries will come out every year at Christmas...In July I just remind myself that I will get to have as many as I want when it is time, and go on about my business. It kind of gives you something to look forward to. But, that's just my opinion.

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That is excellent! Think I'll go get some; I have a sweet tooth now.
Dec 24th 2012 new

(Quote) Kay-922617 said: (Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--H...
(Quote) Kay-922617 said:

Quote:
Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8

Dear Kathryn,

I am the mother of five and married for 16 years. I have seen the challenge and pain of divorce, and loss of intimacy as an opportunity to

understand and explore my identity on an eternal plane. I look as priests and sisters and young men who are just becoming seminarians and

I see that they are making a choice to make a sacrifice in that part of their lives to pursue a deeper commitment and experience of the

Kingdom of God. All of life'sexperiences prepare us for eternity, and being alone and isolated I know that my identity comes from Christ

and embracing my humanity, not rejecting, but giving him all of my needs, in silence and abandonment and they dissipate. I bind my heart to

Christ's in my pain and loneliness and my soul grows in consciousness and depth of the eternal reality. Here and now is momentary and so

is the need. Find your consolation in Christ and the abandonment of all his needs out of love, hanging on the cross out of love for you and

me. You are not alone. You are not alone to survive. Let us pray for each other. Peace in this time of dark, cold waiting, alone and harsh in

the stable until the light comes. Merry Christmas, Kau

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Kay, This is beautifully put.

Dec 24th 2012 new

You're not alone.

Dec 24th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
--hide--


A close friend of mine swears by frequent cold showers, daily Mass, jogging and time at the Chapel.

Dec 24th 2012 new

You are not alone in this. But to me sex without intimacy and commitment leaves you empty and though sex is great, if it's not meaningful it can leave you feeling worse than not having it at all. I too was married for over 20 years, I've been divorced for the last 12 years and the thought of having sex without commitment or love is out of the question. It doesn't mean anything or fullfill anything if there is nothing else accompaning it. As far as I know, nobody has ever gotten ill or died from lack of the sexual act, so I say, hang in there until the real thing comes along. It will be more rewarding and more than that, it won't make you feel bad about yourself. The act of EMPTY sex will make you feed devastated after it's over and your self esteem will suffer for it. Be patient, it is not the "be all" in anyone's life. Waiting for the right person and the right time is worth it and makes it much more meaningful.

Dec 25th 2012 new
(Quote) Tess-922428 said: You are not alone in this. But to me sex without intimacy and commitment leaves you empty and though sex is gre...
(Quote) Tess-922428 said:

You are not alone in this. But to me sex without intimacy and commitment leaves you empty and though sex is great, if it's not meaningful it can leave you feeling worse than not having it at all. I too was married for over 20 years, I've been divorced for the last 12 years and the thought of having sex without commitment or love is out of the question. It doesn't mean anything or fullfill anything if there is nothing else accompaning it. As far as I know, nobody has ever gotten ill or died from lack of the sexual act, so I say, hang in there until the real thing comes along. It will be more rewarding and more than that, it won't make you feel bad about yourself. The act of EMPTY sex will make you feed devastated after it's over and your self esteem will suffer for it. Be patient, it is not the "be all" in anyone's life. Waiting for the right person and the right time is worth it and makes it much more meaningful.

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I totally agree with you Tess :) Right on!
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