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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Dec 25th 2012 new
Kathryn,

I find the following two prayers to be helpful for overcoming sexual sin and temptation. I got both from a Christopher West book I read.

Lord, please help me. Give me the grace to trust you with my whole self--all that I am, body & soul. I give up my hopes & fears, my achievements & failings, my strengths & weaknesses, my sins, my longings, my desires--especially, right now, my sexual sins, longings, & desires. I lay them all at your feet. Help me to be the woman (man) you've created me to be. Renew my mind that I might see the great gift of sex & marriage as you've created them to be. I know I cannot live your will on my own, but I trust you to make up what I am lacking. Amen.

Lord, you have created me in your image & likeness as a woman (man). Help me to accept & receive my sexuality as a gift from you. You have inscribed in my very being, in my sexuality, the call to love as you love, in sincere self-giving, & you have made the "one flesh" union of man & woman in marriage a sign of your own life & love in the world. Grant me the grace always to resist the many lies that continually assail the truth & meaning of this great gift of sexuality. Grant me purity of heart so that I might see the image of your glory in the beauty of others, & one day see you face to face. Amen.
Dec 25th 2012 new

(Quote) Tess-922428 said: You are not alone in this. But to me sex without intimacy and commitment leaves you empty and thou...
(Quote) Tess-922428 said:

You are not alone in this. But to me sex without intimacy and commitment leaves you empty and though sex is great, if it's not meaningful it can leave you feeling worse than not having it at all. I too was married for over 20 years, I've been divorced for the last 12 years and the thought of having sex without commitment or love is out of the question. It doesn't mean anything or fullfill anything if there is nothing else accompaning it. As far as I know, nobody has ever gotten ill or died from lack of the sexual act, so I say, hang in there until the real thing comes along. It will be more rewarding and more than that, it won't make you feel bad about yourself. The act of EMPTY sex will make you feed devastated after it's over and your self esteem will suffer for it. Be patient, it is not the "be all" in anyone's life. Waiting for the right person and the right time is worth it and makes it much more meaningful.

--hide--


Exactly. Why would someone want to do something that is meaningless. Afterward, persons would feel more deeply lonely than ever. No way. You say it so well Tess!

Dec 25th 2012 new

(Quote) Meg-920823 said: (Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--H...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

Quote:
Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8


A close friend of mine swears by frequent cold showers, daily Mass, jogging and time at the Chapel.

--hide--

Scheduled time in Adoration, rosaries, keeping busy, all help.

Dec 25th 2012 new

Yes - totally understand. It is hard.

Dec 25th 2012 new
Thank you! It's such a long July, though!
Dec 26th 2012 new

Merry Christmas. You get a Gold Star!

You are not alone,Kathryn.Prayers ,the sacraments,keeping active.The love and blessings from your family members.Reading Catholic literature and getting involved in Catholic activities.

Dec 26th 2012 new

I love the way Rachel has broken this into parts, actually sounds a lot like clinical advice from nurses I know who do have to deal with these issues for their patients.

Dec 26th 2012 new

You are not alone!!! I dont know if it matters how we arrived at this point in our lives, I was married for 31 years and never expected to be here. I ache for the company of a good woman! I miss having a best friend, a companion, a wife. I miss having someone sitting next to me in the car. And of course i miss most of all the intimate times, reaching out and having someone be there. I dont have an anwer, if I did I would not be on this site. I wish you the best!

Dec 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimac...
(Quote) Kathryn-328433 said: Ok, so I'm just going to come right out with it--How do you manage yearning s for physical intimacy? This has become my biggest challenge. I never took a vow of chastity and I yearn for a physical relationship There, I said it. Am I alone in having these feelings? Kate Widowed 5 years, 7 children ages 23, 21, 18, 14, 9, 8, & 8
--hide--


Kate,

You are pretty, young and blessed with all your children. Having the older children is a blessing because they can help you and provide good conversation. In other words, you have company all the time which is something other widows(ers) don't have. Loneliness, along with the absence of physical contact is much harder. Ask our Lord for a good husband and He will provide. You've taken a huge step -- you have joined CM. Now, be open to Holy Spirit. Praying hug

Dec 27th 2012 new

Kathryn,

It does not make any difference if it from death or divorce, the yearning for physical intimacy remains. You were widowed very young and I guess suddenly, I'm so sorry for your loss and love. Divorce is usually drawn out and at least one no longer feels love. The pain and challenge for physical intimacy remains no matter what.

I read the other posts so the only other comment I'll make is that it is a known fact that babies in orphanages that are not touched by others do not thrive and can even die (If they live they many are really messed up). Of course this touch is not in a sexual way. All of us need physical touch in order to feel connected and stay emotionally healthy. It's just how far we can safely take it in an unmarried state. So we can hug our children, grandchildren, other family members, friends and yes, even dogs, but it's not the same.

theheart

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