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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Mary-363093 said: Tara - great post! It IS hard sometimes to remember to step back and let the man BE the man! They ...
(Quote) Mary-363093 said:

Tara - great post! It IS hard sometimes to remember to step back and let the man BE the man! They should do those things for us, even if we're used to being fairly independent. I think the older gents are more prone to automatically behave that way - the younger ones have taken more unfair hits from the feminists, sadly, and it's made them gun shy. I don't blame them.

--hide--

I'm one of those 'older gents', and yes, we learned to show honor and respect for women in those ways when we were young. We were never taught to think of women as less capable, helpless, or weak - an accusation I face quite often when I respectfully open a door for a female. I continue to show honor and respect for women, young and old, in these ways. The ladies - and I make the distinction between ladies and women - irrespective of age, appreciate the gesture, even though some of them appear to be surprised by such treatment.

I think ladies should expect to be treated as such. As the character Liza in My Fair Lady says, "The difference between a flower girl and a lady is not how she behaves, but how she's treated". Gentlemen, if you want to date and marry a lady, treat her like one.

Dec 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-924301 said: I'm one of those 'older gents', and yes, we learned to show honor and respe...
(Quote) Steven-924301 said:

I'm one of those 'older gents', and yes, we learned to show honor and respect for women in those ways when we were young. We were never taught to think of women as less capable, helpless, or weak - an accusation I face quite often when I respectfully open a door for a female. I continue to show honor and respect for women, young and old, in these ways. The ladies - and I make the distinction between ladies and women - irrespective of age, appreciate the gesture, even though some of them appear to be surprised by such treatment.

I think ladies should expect to be treated as such. As the character Liza in My Fair Lady says, "The difference between a flower girl and a lady is not how she behaves, but how she's treated". Gentlemen, if you want to date and marry a lady, treat her like one.

--hide--


Very well said Steven. I always said, " if you treat me like a lady I will treat you like my man." It's a sign of respect for a fellow human being, not an obligation.

Dec 26th 2012 new

First of all, it is interesting how there are WAY more women responders on this thread than men and yet the question is addressed to men.


Secondly, manhood goes way beyond opening doors for women and changing tires. It also involves the need to make standards, the acceptance that not everyone is going to the cut, nor will everyone be the MVP on a team. Those are things to strive for. And if one doesn't make it now, then one can try again--and risk ending up face first in the dirt, but it's worth it in the end. Men need this striving. It's no wonder that It was Jacob who wrestled with the angel, not Leah, Rachel, Zilpah, or Bilah--I don't intend to sound Fundamentalist here or sexist, I'm just trying to make a point.


I guess that we need the space to figure things out and have you women be okay with this. We need to be able to take part in decision making on everything from spending money, to choosing curtains--even if you think they clash with the carpets, we need to take part in this. Too often do I walk into homes where I see the woman do all the decorating and home making. Also I see it in my office all the time where a woman who spent years trying to change their man ends up complaining, "He's not the man I went out with/married." We need to be free to constantly evaluated by women on everything from table manners to how we dress. Woman should drop the dualistic view of the world where you are either civilized (in their image) or sitting around going ooga-booga, scratching your crotch and picking fleas off each other. Most men (real men) don't fall into either category and are more diamonds in the ruff and (sissy?) Prince Charming.

Dec 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Tara-916865 said: This is a piggyback post... Besides the stereotypical "man stuff," like chang...
(Quote) Tara-916865 said:

This is a piggyback post...


Besides the stereotypical "man stuff," like changing a flat tire, fixing a toilet, and carrying heavy things for us, how else can we show we need you? Of course I can open doors for myself, but I like when a guy does it. I can pay for myself, but it's nicer when a guy does it. I can bring my own jacket, but it's sweet when a guy offers his. I think, though, women are so used to doing things on our own that we need to think, "Wait, let him do this FOR me." With opening doors, even total strangers seem to do that down here, so that's more commonplace, but with other things, we actually need to stop and think. Just wondering...

--hide--


I agree, Tara ...

One little bit of advice that my aunt gave me one day -- when I'm out on a date, and we're in the car heading wherever, just wait .... wait .... wait until he comes around and opens the car door for you. If he's gone ahead shocked and (finally) notices that you're not falling in behind him, he'll get the picture, and chances are he won't forget to come around and open the car door for you ever again. wink

Same goes for the chair at the restaurant ... just stand there and wait .... wait .... wait for him (or maybe the waiter, but we'd rather our date does this) to pull out the chair for us. Same goes for our coats .... we can hand it to him, and he'll get the picture real soon!

I have all kinds of things I do to let the man know that he's needed and wanted!


heartbeat



A very Happy Christmastide to you, Tara ... good to see you back here!




fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy

Dec 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-924301 said: I'm one of those 'older gents', and yes, we learned to show honor and respe...
(Quote) Steven-924301 said:

I'm one of those 'older gents', and yes, we learned to show honor and respect for women in those ways when we were young. We were never taught to think of women as less capable, helpless, or weak - an accusation I face quite often when I respectfully open a door for a female. I continue to show honor and respect for women, young and old, in these ways. The ladies - and I make the distinction between ladies and women - irrespective of age, appreciate the gesture, even though some of them appear to be surprised by such treatment.

I think ladies should expect to be treated as such. As the character Liza in My Fair Lady says, "The difference between a flower girl and a lady is not how she behaves, but how she's treated". Gentlemen, if you want to date and marry a lady, treat her like one.

--hide--



Thank you very much, Steven, for your comments here clap clap Bow




A very Happy Christmastide to you!



fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy snowman fluffy

Dec 26th 2012 new

Tara - my interpretation of your question is "how can we show we need you [in a comitted relationship]?" All the other chivalrous items are assumed that a gentleman will provide. However, more importantly how does the man and woman support one another in a comitted relationship? The foundation of the relationship is built upon respect, empathy, devotion, the list goes on... I believe that women and men have the same lists of what they need (versus want) and what they expect....



Dec 26th 2012 new
I find men in this area have manners & always open the door for me .I like the man to be my

protector when the occasion arises.
Dec 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-924301 said: (Quote) Mary-363093 said: Tara - great post! It IS hard sometimes to reme...
(Quote) Steven-924301 said:

Quote:
Mary-363093 said:

Tara - great post! It IS hard sometimes to remember to step back and let the man BE the man! They should do those things for us, even if we're used to being fairly independent. I think the older gents are more prone to automatically behave that way - the younger ones have taken more unfair hits from the feminists, sadly, and it's made them gun shy. I don't blame them.


I'm one of those 'older gents', and yes, we learned to show honor and respect for women in those ways when we were young. We were never taught to think of women as less capable, helpless, or weak - an accusation I face quite often when I respectfully open a door for a female. I continue to show honor and respect for women, young and old, in these ways. The ladies - and I make the distinction between ladies and women - irrespective of age, appreciate the gesture, even though some of them appear to be surprised by such treatment.

I think ladies should expect to be treated as such. As the character Liza in My Fair Lady says, "The difference between a flower girl and a lady is not how she behaves, but how she's treated". Gentlemen, if you want to date and marry a lady, treat her like one.

--hide--

Thank you Steven - for remaining a gentleman despite negative reactions from SOME females. You kind of mindset is what most of us LADIES are looking for. I can't tell you how refreshing it is when we run into a gent like you - one small kind gesture can absolutely make our day.

Dec 26th 2012 new

When I ask you out, say either yes or no. Don't say yes but tell me how busy you are for the next few weeks. Also, if you truly are busy, then tell me when you likely will be free and when to call, if you truly want to go out. It doesn't have to be anything more than lunch or coffee.

I'll do my best to be a gentleman and impress you, but if I forget something or screw up, cut me a break and appreciate the sincere effort.

If I make a plan, go along with it and be a good sport. If it's something I enjoy and want you to be part of, appreciate the sentiment.

Don't nag or criticize me; if you see something that I should change or improve upon, use Christian charity. It will go much further.

Let it be about us, not our friends; as it said in a CM article earlier, quoting Michael Jackson, "Ain't nobody's business but mine and my baby's."

If there's a problem, let's both approach it selflessly with the intent of focusing on the problem and solve it together.

I will love showing you off in public, but sometimes the best moments occur curled up on the couch eating takeout and watching movies.

As a bachelor, I'm not the best at picking out clothes, so go shopping with me.

All I need to see is a smile and hear a thank you. A hug or even a touch is plenty to let me know how I'm doing.


OK, that's enough wearing my heart on my sleeve; anything further and my fellow Cavemen will pull my Man Card.

Dec 26th 2012 new
"How can we show we need you" depends on the woman I think. I think it all starts with a woman's standards and knowing what she wants out of a man and knowing why she needs a man. I think woman need to figure out what they want before they even bother dating instead of just learning as they go and wasting our time. Some of the younger ladies will probably advance 20 more years before they finally figure out what they want.

If the man she desires has to have everything right down to the finest preferences then what she is really saying is that she doesn't need a man. If she has the opportunity to date all kinds of great guys but breaks up with them all for wacky reasons then she is really saying she doesn't need a man. If she dates a guy for a significant amount of time but then all of the sudden figures out that she wants something else or wants "more" then she really needs to rethink what she wants. For example, If I date a girl for a year and have a wonderful time but then out of nowhere she says, "I am breaking up with you because I need to find someone that likes to ski", then what that tells me is that she doesn't know what she wants and needs to rethink why it is important for her to have a man.

As I have said before in other posts, for me I think feminism really hurts my number of opportunities as a younger man. Do I dare say that I want a wife that is submissive? By being submissive all you are really doing is allowing me to be the servant but many have been fooled by the feminists into believing that being submissive means you are the slave. For Christian woman, I think their desire should be for a relationship modeled after Christ and his relationship to the church. The husband must treat his wife like Jesus treated the church (that is a lot of love) and the woman must submit to her husbands love. If you believe that marriage should be modeled after Christs relationship with the church then you have shown the type of man that you are looking for that you need him.
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