Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: Ezrah, it is a great gift to say to someone "I care about you" "you are very special&q...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

Ezrah, it is a great gift to say to someone "I care about you" "you are very special" so don't ever regret doing that. All love flows from the Father, and your regard for her was really His love passing through you to her. How could that ever be wrong?

But not all people see it that way, so I guess I would say that her not wanting to be friends anymore is her loss, it says more about her than anything.

I think guys would do much better if they were clear about their intentions with women from the start. If you had begun with this girl as a dating relationship, you would not have to have the difficult transition into "something more" which seldom works anyway. The concept that you can get in as friends and then try and work your way up to something more doesn't usually work, if you ask me.

Good luck to you!

--hide--


I agree with you, Pat! Oftentimes, men (especially younger men) begin friendships with women hoping that they'll turn into a romantic relationship. Eventually, when the request is made that it become something more, the woman feels betrayed and the man is hurt. I think a platonic friendship is different from a dating relationship where both people ultimately want the end result of romance and/or marriage. Happy New Year! Chelle

Dec 29th 2012 new

My positive outcomes of asking for a date of a friend, which she declined, were due to her ability knowing our friendship was genuine and (I think) she realized that she may have made a move towards me recently that I perceived as indicating interest for a date (which to me is attractive in a woman).

I do not enter a friendship with a woman hoping for something more; to me that is lying on my part. I realize that it could be more, but I let it be organic. What I would like for a friend to do if I ask her for a date is an interrogation by her of my actions that could of been taken as covert means to have her like me or actions by a friend. I feel any covert actions would be obviously seen as possessiveness, controlling, manipulative, and/or jealously. Since I do not act like those traits the friendship is strengthen after her decline.

I understand that a woman wants to know from the beginning of the man's intentions. However, please respond on the level of fear a woman has of being friends with a man, falling in love with him, but he does not reciprocate. I feel that level is very high.

I happy that the story of the poster has turned for the better. Love is the desire for the good of the other. God is love.

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) William-848056 said: My positive outcomes of asking for a date of a friend, which she declined, were due to her abil...
(Quote) William-848056 said:

My positive outcomes of asking for a date of a friend, which she declined, were due to her ability knowing our friendship was genuine and (I think) she realized that she may have made a move towards me recently that I perceived as indicating interest for a date (which to me is attractive in a woman).

I do not enter a friendship with a woman hoping for something more; to me that is lying on my part. I realize that it could be more, but I let it be organic. What I would like for a friend to do if I ask her for a date is an interrogation by her of my actions that could of been taken as covert means to have her like me or actions by a friend. I feel any covert actions would be obviously seen as possessiveness, controlling, manipulative, and/or jealously. Since I do not act like those traits the friendship is strengthen after her decline.

I understand that a woman wants to know from the beginning of the man's intentions. However, please respond on the level of fear a woman has of being friends with a man, falling in love with him, but he does not reciprocate. I feel that level is very high.

I happy that the story of the poster has turned for the better. Love is the desire for the good of the other. God is love.

--hide--



Hi William! I started a reply, but I accidentally pushed a button on my computer and it "went away." So, if it appears here in part, I'm sorry.

With that said, are you asking me about unrequited love? If so, as a woman, I can only speak for myself. At my age, I would not let my feelings get that far, especially if I did not believe that the man reciprocated them. (I freely admit that as a younger woman, I had many crushes!) I believe that attraction is a chemical reaction between two human beings. Love, in my opinion, is more of an intellectual process. I think that we are able to train our minds just as we are able to train our bodies. Thus, I would allow myself to continue to want someone who did not want me!

I hope this addresses your comment. If not, please let me know, and I will try again. Happy New Year! Chelle

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) William-848056 said: Let me tell you what I do. I would not have this ability to act when I was ten years younger.
(Quote) William-848056 said:

Let me tell you what I do. I would not have this ability to act when I was ten years younger.

It is a risk to ask a friend for a romantic relationship. I have retained a friend after a rejection....

however I did the following after the rejection:

I prayed. I did not seek her attention unless she knew of the reason...like no sudden changes in plans such as a group camping trip the next week that you spent two months preparing and she was going too. But if the group you two are participates goes to the movies, then I would avoid it. Let her become comfortable to her regular social settings without you at first. If she invites you to a tea party with many shared friends, then do go but keep an obvious distance from her in terms of conservation - act like you are 40 years older. She is taking a chance to reform your friendship, but albeit a lesser friendship-give her that chance even it will hurt you...better for you than her. Start praying for her happiness. Prepare yourself to be happy to meet her new boyfriend the next time you see her. Do not ask about her romantic life whatsoever - if she brings it up, keep it short and shallow. Unless you asked her out in a text message or email, then her rejection's tone and transmission by text message to me = stay away from me or I will hurt you. If you cannot avoid her such as you both are part of the same club, then start praising other single men to her in way to let you know you are over her....introduce another single man to her and mentioned something about him that will attract him to her. The sooner she is dating and one of your competion is too, then so much the better :)

Let her go. Be happy you are now free of her.

God bless.

--hide--

I'm going to echo your post, William. What you describe is among the hardest of things for us men to do. I am going through this very thing with two ladies, one of whom was trying to rush me into marriage (having rushed once before and paid the price with a divorce, I'm not willing to be rushed in such an important decision as marriage again!) The other lady is one I am especially fond of, yet must remain friends with despite the knowledge (I'm a realist) she is truly wonderful and will soon meet the man I had hoped to be for her. The hardest thing is accepting rejection, yet loving someone enough to pray for her, that she will find someone who makes her happy, while moving on and striving to maintain a healthy and appropriate friendship with her.

As I resume my search here and in my local community and daily walk here in Tampa, I pray for my future spouse, and also for my friend. I thank our Lord for introducing me to this friend--a woman who has shown me that the kind of lady I seek for marriage does indeed exist. When we men love someone, sometimes the best thing we can do is to honor her wishes and offer her up to our Lord, while also praying for her happiness... even if it does not involve us. It hurts--something terrible--but it is cathartic and provides such peace and is the only way we can move on in a healthy way to find who our Lord intends for us.

If we guys are lucky, we will maintain friendships with those who aren't interested in romance... maybe to find continued growth, and through networking, may even find our future spouse.


Michael

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said: Thank you Gary & Kathleen, Sometimes my honesty & openness about my feelings can m...
(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said:

Thank you Gary & Kathleen,

Sometimes my honesty & openness about my feelings can make it too much for a lady to take.

--hide--
Ezrah, The other posters have all offered a great deal of wonderful advice and comforting words so I will refrain from adding to that, but I want to tell you that many (maybe most) women appreciate honesty and openness. Those are qualities that really serve people well in any relationship, so don't ever compromise on those, although temper them as need be with charitableness, tact, and perhaps some restraint.

Also, I think someday you will look back on your life and be glad for the chances you took and the opportunities you acted on, even if the end results were not as you hoped at the time. Nothing fun about looking back on life and thinking "I wish I had....". smile

Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Helen-407474 said: (Quote) Ezrah-891754 said: Thank you Gary & Kathleen, Sometimes...
(Quote) Helen-407474 said:

Quote:
Ezrah-891754 said:

Thank you Gary & Kathleen,

Sometimes my honesty & openness about my feelings can make it too much for a lady to take.


Ezrah, The other posters have all offered a great deal of wonderful advice and comforting words so I will refrain from adding to that, but I want to tell you that many (maybe most) women appreciate honesty and openness. Those are qualities that really serve people well in any relationship, so don't ever compromise on those, although temper them as need be with charitableness, tact, and perhaps some restraint.

Also, I think someday you will look back on your life and be glad for the chances you took and the opportunities you acted on, even if the end results were not as you hoped at the time. Nothing fun about looking back on life and thinking "I wish I had....".

--hide--

I'm happy to read all of your beautiful comments hug. Every single comment has something for me to think about smile.

Dec 30th 2012 new

I think that you should be proud of yourself that you took that important step to "express your feelings." Don't be afraid to do that again and again. If you had not done so you would forever wonder what would have happened if you had. There are consequences when we put ourselves and our hearts out there but we will outlive them all with prayer. Pray to Our Lord that He helps you to find peace and encouragement. I will say a prayer for you too. Take care!

Dec 30th 2012 new
Ezrah, If you are open to some advice from one of your elders, read on. At my age I am we'll acquainted with rejection in its many forms. When it happens, at first, It still hurts as much as it did when I was young. However, I have learned over the years to take a step back from it and try to see it as a blessing. When I was 22, I thought I was so in love...pictured marriage...babies...the whole works. Then, discovered he did, indeed, care for me deeply, but had not even considered marrying me. You can imagine how I felt. The truth of the situation is that he was too much older, previously married, and was more mature than I, and could clearly see that marriage would be a mistake for both of us. I, of course only felt rejection and didn't believe him . Somehow, we remained friends and both married others a few years later. He married a wonderful woman his own age, they were married 35 years before his death. My husband and I were married 43 years before his death. My point in telling you this story is in hindsight. I see now that what happened was a blessing, for it would have been a disastrous marriage for me and I would never have met and married my perfect for me beloved husband . That episode of rejection was definitely a gift from God. I have come to the point of accepting every rejection, now, as a gift I try to learn a lesson from, and move on. Of course, the first reaction is still hurtful, but the hurt disappears quickly with my new perspective of just how beneficial certain rejections can be. Hope this helps you somewhat.
Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Sandra-924681 said: Ezrah, If you are open to some advice from one of your elders, read on. At my age I am we'll acquai...
(Quote) Sandra-924681 said: Ezrah, If you are open to some advice from one of your elders, read on. At my age I am we'll acquainted with rejection in its many forms. When it happens, at first, It still hurts as much as it did when I was young. However, I have learned over the years to take a step back from it and try to see it as a blessing. When I was 22, I thought I was so in love...pictured marriage...babies...the whole works. Then, discovered he did, indeed, care for me deeply, but had not even considered marrying me. You can imagine how I felt. The truth of the situation is that he was too much older, previously married, and was more mature than I, and could clearly see that marriage would be a mistake for both of us. I, of course only felt rejection and didn't believe him . Somehow, we remained friends and both married others a few years later. He married a wonderful woman his own age, they were married 35 years before his death. My husband and I were married 43 years before his death. My point in telling you this story is in hindsight. I see now that what happened was a blessing, for it would have been a disastrous marriage for me and I would never have met and married my perfect for me beloved husband . That episode of rejection was definitely a gift from God. I have come to the point of accepting every rejection, now, as a gift I try to learn a lesson from, and move on. Of course, the first reaction is still hurtful, but the hurt disappears quickly with my new perspective of just how beneficial certain rejections can be. Hope this helps you somewhat.
--hide--


Your post reminded me of the Garth Brooks song, Sandra..."Unanswered Prayers." Truly, these lost relationships may end up being a gift and allow us to go on to the relationships God has in mind for us.


Just my two cents.


= Elizabeth

Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said: Hello, I'm not sure if there is a related topic on how to deal with rejections. I don&...
(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said:

Hello,

I'm not sure if there is a related topic on how to deal with rejections. I don't know much about rejections only on how I've dealt with different type of rejections and only what I've heard and read. I do have one specific part I want to deal with at this moment which is finding ways to comfort myself after a rejection. A [former ] female "friend" said it to me through a text message today that it might be better for both of us to move on & she said goodbye. It was a longer message but that's the main point of the message. I replied back by saying, "I took a chance even if she thinks otherwise. She'll always be welcomed as a friend. My last message for now & may peace be with you as always =)."

I liked her more than as a friend but I decided to tell her again after about a couple of months ago she rejected me. Did I go too far that I risked the friendship between her & I? Should I just give up on a girl I like after the first rejection? I'll just end up ruining the friendship. I know I'm not perfect in controlling my emotions around a gal I like. However, I want to improve & learn.

Thank you for any help and suggestions you can provide me.

P.S. This is not the first time I've risked a friendship on girls I like. I want to stop ruining those friendships. I feel very sad right now : . I've decided to include the motto, ‎"speak less and listen more" into my New Year's Resolutions for 2013.

--hide--
Hello, Ezrah.

We all experience rejection of this sort at some time in our lives. It leaves so many open questions, what ifs, etc. Put it to rest, dust off and move on. There probably was not enough chemistry or any other must haves to carry a full relationship, and she felt it would be better to end it before hurting you deeply. She probably agonized before telling you she wanted to end the relationship. It really is a very hard thing to do. Especially if the person receiving the rejection is really kind, caring and sensitive. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and let her go. A friendship will only prolong the inevitable. You're young, handsome and I am sure it won't be long before you meet someone who is right for you. Good luck and God bless. theheart

Posts 21 - 30 of 34