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Saint Anthony is the patron of lost things and missing persons.
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Feb 4th 2013 new

Ray
I was in no way claiming that one pain was greater or lesser than the other. There is all kind of pain of equal validity, including the pain of those never married at despairing of having a valid relationship and perhaps a family.

The comments I made were not about weighing pain they were about the differences in then and the provision of safety one may need to explore and heal. I personally can relate to both issues and can appreciate comments as you do from both. In addition, my life has taught me to be pretty thick skinned. But there are those who are not and shouldnt have to be and clearly they are being denied safety, which is keeping them from using a potential healing source.


There is a reason that AA meetings are closed, for example. They are not claiming their issues are worse than others, just different enough to need protection from those who do not share their problems. The rooms have the potential to heal, but not if all the members cannot feel safe. That was my point.


Perhaps a closed widows(er) room and another room for all to explore all sides of the lack or loss of marriage coin, from never marrieds to divorced to widows together sharing what they have in common and what is different with others whose experience is different - by choice.

LOCKED
Feb 4th 2013 new

Ray
I was in no way claiming that one pain was greater or lesser than the other. There is all kind of pain of equal validity, including the pain of those never married at despairing of having a valid relationship and perhaps a family.

The comments I made were not about weighing pain they were about the differences in then and the provision of safety one may need to explore and heal. I personally can relate to both issues and can appreciate comments as you do from both. In addition, my life has taught me to be pretty thick skinned. But there are those who are not and shouldnt have to be and clearly they are being denied safety, which is keeping them from using a potential healing source.


There is a reason that AA meetings are closed, for example. They are not claiming their issues are worse than others, just different enough to need protection from those who do not share their problems. The rooms have the potential to heal, but not if all the members cannot feel safe. That was my point.


Perhaps a closed widows(er) room and another room for all to explore all sides of the lack or loss of marriage coin, from never marrieds to divorced to widows together sharing what they have in common and what is different with others whose experience is different - by choice.

LOCKED
Feb 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Joan-461057 said: RayI was in no way claiming that one pain was greater or lesser than the other. There is all k...
(Quote) Joan-461057 said:

Ray
I was in no way claiming that one pain was greater or lesser than the other. There is all kind of pain of equal validity, including the pain of those never married at despairing of having a valid relationship and perhaps a family.

The comments I made were not about weighing pain they were about the differences in then and the provision of safety one may need to explore and heal. I personally can relate to both issues and can appreciate comments as you do from both. In addition, my life has taught me to be pretty thick skinned. But there are those who are not and shouldnt have to be and clearly they are being denied safety, which is keeping them from using a potential healing source.


There is a reason that AA meetings are closed, for example. They are not claiming their issues are worse than others, just different enough to need protection from those who do not share their problems. The rooms have the potential to heal, but not if all the members cannot feel safe. That was my point.


Perhaps a closed widows(er) room and another room for all to explore all sides of the lack or loss of marriage coin, from never marrieds to divorced to widows together sharing what they have in common and what is different with others whose experience is different - by choice.

--hide--
Joan -- perhaps I should have been more clear. There has been an ongoing discussion (to put it mildly) that resurfaces frequently about who is afflicted with a greater amount of pain -- widowed people or divorced. Many of my comments were meant for a general audience rather than seeming to be directed at you.

Admin isn't about to open up more rooms -- this was established awhile ago. As for keeping certain rooms off-limits to others, I'm inclined not to go along with that. Many worthy comments have been made by others who aren't themselves in a specific situation but are able to help. That help is greatly appreciated.

Oftentimes there are topics in the Divorced Catholics room that would benefit from the CM family in general, but posting publicly in that room is not allowed unless you are indeed divorced. I've resorted to private messages but that makes it more difficult.

I'm of the strong opinion that (with the exception of the men's/women's rooms) there should be openness among the members. To me it's allowing more sensitivity and support to take place, which is the very reason people bring up certain topics or air personal problems. Sometimes it helps to see comments from someone who is "outside of the box."

LOCKED
Feb 4th 2013 new

Count on my prayers, Helen. Sorry for your and your sisters loss. theheart

LOCKED
Feb 4th 2013 new

We have decided that as a general rule we always error on the side of openess and participation when it comes to the forum rooms. The forums suffer from a broad participation as it is thus in order to be restrictive we have to have a really good reason.

1. We restrict all forum posting to subscribers only as we believe it ads value to a subscription and most importantly it keeps the forums more tempered than most "free" forums out there.

2. We restrict men & women's room to the specific gender's. I don't think any further explanation is needed here.

3. We restrict divorced room to divorced and widowed only because in both cases there is a "loss." At one time the divorced room was open however the number of people who chose to post all kinds of judgements and opinions without a deeper understanding of another's situation or without being charitable to balance the objective truths with the subjective pastoral application made the entire room toxic for many divorced peopled.

4. The Widow room is open because such negative posts tend to be rare and if they are made we can remove and suspend a user. In addtion simple general support and encouragement can be made by anyone even if they are not a widow themselves or they may be very sympathetic because they had a relative or friend who was.

Generally the idea of a forum is meant to be public thus even if it is restrcited a user should also assume they are making comments in the public realm. As I mentioned we operate from the notion of encouraging participation with openeness until we deem such participation is counter-productive.

Hope that helps with some understanding of our policies even if you do not totally agree with them.

LOCKED
Feb 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-278516 said: We have decided that as a general rule we always error on the side of openess and participation w...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

We have decided that as a general rule we always error on the side of openess and participation when it comes to the forum rooms. The forums suffer from a broad participation as it is thus in order to be restrictive we have to have a really good reason.

1. We restrict all forum posting to subscribers only as we believe it ads value to a subscription and most importantly it keeps the forums more tempered than most "free" forums out there.

2. We restrict men & women's room to the specific gender's. I don't think any further explanation is needed here.

3. We restrict divorced room to divorced and widowed only because in both cases there is a "loss." At one time the divorced room was open however the number of people who chose to post all kinds of judgements and opinions without a deeper understanding of another's situation or without being charitable to balance the objective truths with the subjective pastoral application made the entire room toxic for many divorced peopled.

4. The Widow room is open because such negative posts tend to be rare and if they are made we can remove and suspend a user. In addtion simple general support and encouragement can be made by anyone even if they are not a widow themselves or they may be very sympathetic because they had a relative or friend who was.

Generally the idea of a forum is meant to be public thus even if it is restrcited a user should also assume they are making comments in the public realm. As I mentioned we operate from the notion of encouraging participation with openeness until we deem such participation is counter-productive.

Hope that helps with some understanding of our policies even if you do not totally agree with them.

--hide--
Brian, you statement about restricting the divorced room to "divorced and widowed" only is incorrect. As a widow I was not allowed to post in the divorce room. Upon my trying to reply to post there I was denied access.

LOCKED
Feb 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: Brian, you statement about restricting the divorced room to "divorced and widowed" only...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

Brian, you statement about restricting the divorced room to "divorced and widowed" only is incorrect. As a widow I was not allowed to post in the divorce room. Upon my trying to reply to post there I was denied access.

--hide--
Yes, Linda. I tried to respond once and I was not allowed. It was a weird feeling... Like if you knock at someone's door and they won't let you in even though you know they are there. laughing What to do...

LOCKED
Feb 5th 2013 new

Sure. I already understood all that. However the very fact that you felt compelled to post it should tell you that you are not satisfyng a strong preference by the very customers whom you are seeking to serve. Is this a good business move?

LOCKED
Feb 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: Brian, you statement about restricting the divorced room to "divorced and widowed" only...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

Brian, you statement about restricting the divorced room to "divorced and widowed" only is incorrect. As a widow I was not allowed to post in the divorce room. Upon my trying to reply to post there I was denied access.

--hide--

Will check into that. Either it is a bug or we made a change at some point and I either didn't know or forgot.

LOCKED
Feb 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Joan-461057 said: Sure. I already understood all that. However the very fact that you felt compelled to post it shou...
(Quote) Joan-461057 said:

Sure. I already understood all that. However the very fact that you felt compelled to post it should tell you that you are not satisfyng a strong preference by the very customers whom you are seeking to serve. Is this a good business move?

--hide--

I felt compelled to post because we try to explain as best we can the thinking behind decisions we have to make. There will always be customers we can't satisfy 100% but we do our best to satisfy as many as we can.

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