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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: Ms. Caroline, you and I have something in common! I am single with 5 also, so yea it won't...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

Ms. Caroline, you and I have something in common! I am single with 5 also, so yea it won't be easy for the likes of us. With God's grace and guidance, good things will come our way when the time is right.

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Hang in there. My cousin mart and married a woman on CM with five children. He has four. They are an amazing family!

Jan 4th 2013 new

That should be "met" not "mart." LOL

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I am going to try to explain the other side of this scenario. I haven't read all the replies,...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:

I am going to try to explain the other side of this scenario. I haven't read all the replies, so excuse me if I repeat what's already been said. For a man or a woman to not put their children first before dating, would be an injustice and likely be viewed as neglect. Our children, like our spouses, are precious gifts from God. They are entrusted to our care. When thrown in the midst of death or divorce, their world has already been shaken and scattered. As their parent, we do what we can to restore their faith, their hope and their security. To ignore their feelings, again would negate any recovery they may have began. They don't express grief as an adult. They need time to process. While we can't let them rule our households or set the groundwork for our new relationships, we definitely have to work with them and their feelings. I'm speaking of those children that still live at home. If I would, for example, date a man and allow him to discipline or set the rules for my kids, I would most certainly face rebellion. Like a fine wine, a relationship needs time to mature, maybe longer when our kids are concerned. By the time I were to walk down the aisle, I would hope that my husband would have shown enough sensitivity to allow the progression of trust. Teens especially don't just turn over the reins to the first guy that comes along. They may have misguided views about their roles in the family and see themselves as protector. Each situation, each child, each dynamic will be different. For the man that has the patience and perserverance to work through the process, the rewards will be great. You will be given the respect you deserve to lead and guide your new family.

Boys and girls need strong male role models on their lives. They don't need czars.

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If the relatioship you are entering in is with a man who knows how to love and is focused on the Lord the children will be loved. When I looked at the successful relationships that are the result of marriage with children it is exactly the case. Actually one of the counsels I received from one of them is that if I follow the Church's teaching and counsel when looking for a spouse and in my treatment of them then it works for all involved; especially the children. Children who see a loving adult relationship and feel loved themselves find it is easier to trust as love is trust in action. If you cannot trust someone to love correctly then marriage should not be on the table.

Jan 4th 2013 new

That is true. A spouse should be the earth-bound keeper of your heart. If you can't trust him to take care of you and those you love, you should not enter into marriage. I just don't think it should be an assumption on a man's part that he will step in and rule the domain from the start. By the time you are wed, yes, all those roles should be well defined.

I know what it is like to love another man's child. I took in my husband's daughter when she was twelve. There are boundaries that need to be respected and of course, my first priority was to him. There were also times where her needs were put before my own and I trusted it was what he had to do. I regret none of it and have a beautiful relationship with her today. I still love her as my own and my life is richer with her in it.

Jan 4th 2013 new

Shara,

Thank you for your Awesome and insightful response. I think you've hit the nail on the head here.

Blessings,


Michael

Jan 4th 2013 new

Kids are cool.

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Mike-41230 said: Kids are cool.
(Quote) Mike-41230 said:

Kids are cool.

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Yes they are!

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: the Church agrees with you. It says that we should take care of our spouse first and children sec...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

the Church agrees with you. It says that we should take care of our spouse first and children second.

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You've stated above, "The Church...says that we should take care of our spouse first and children second." While I agree that this is conventional wisdom for making marriages stay together, I would like for you to document where in Church teaching you find support for your "children are second" statement. I would also like you to document where the Church also applies this same argument to second marriages in cases of annulment. Can you prove to me that the Church, whose wisdom is far greater than Psychology Today's, would not take into serious consideration that second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages? Please show me evidence where Church teaching addresses this.

Jan 4th 2013 new

Michelle,

I think as long as you are up front about it, men will respect you for that. I can't tell you how many men I have heard or spoke to about how

women tried to hide this fact for the first few dates. Not good. Be honest. It is who you are and if the man accepts you, that's cool. If not, that'c

cool too. You then will have ruled out someone who you would not to have been with anyway.

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: It says that we should take care of our spouse first and children second.
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

It says that we should take care of our spouse first and children second.

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Can you provide a source for this, please?

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