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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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01/05/2013 new

Well, I'm glad nobody is directly putting any words into my mouth. Although, some are still missing the point, and are insisting on combativeness. Perhaps my original post should have said, "One option is biting the bullet and remaining single until the kids have grown up." Heck, you won't get any argument from me that the spouses should take care of each other so as to nurture the marriage, which in turn provides for its stability, which, finally, in turn, supports the stability of children. Phew! What are all of these arguments about?

I think it began when my original post raised the hackles of another poster who took great offense to the notion that it might be a good idea, also, to consider the failure rate of second and third marriages, and, to focus on raising the children. This was a highly popular idea on talk radio decades ago; today, however, it gets obfuscated by statements like, "Well, how are your kids ever going to learn to succed at marriage unless you show 'em...so do it again and do it right, for the kids' sake." Not only that, but people here have taken the CCC and twisted it to somehow have a retroactive application to subsequent marriages, when I don't buy that at all, and anybody without an axe to grind wouldn't buy it either. God didn't make the plan one that would fail if we followed it, and this is what the CCC teaches us. Am I saying He doesn't give second chances or allow you to begin again--NOOOOOOOOO!

It just amazes me that people are having such a difficult time with "biting the bullet" and teaching your kids how they can succeed where we might have failed. It also escapes me that so many optimistically believe that the blending of children is so utterly easy (wishful thinking?) when statistics don't bear this out.

There will be no evidence forthcoming that would prove to me a) the Church's catechetical teachings about marriage also somehow encourages re-marriage, or b) that remaining single for the kids' sake, and caring in community for each other, is suddenly something from which the Church has distanced itself.

Still, feel free to re-marry if you've achieved the annulment, but please don't reinvent Church teaching because you might not agree with my traditional approach to this problem, and please don't assume that people who choose to delay remarriage are somehow damaged goods who haven't yet resolved feelings of pain or anger.

01/05/2013 new

My goodness, how could I forget to quote my boyhood hero, the late Vincent T. Lombardi, Super Bowl Trophy Namesake and former coach of the Green Bay Packers. Speaking to his players:

"Gentlemen, there are three things in life that should matter to you. They are, God, your family, and the Green Bay Packers, AND IN THAT ORDER."

Amen, Coach. RIP. I love you.

01/05/2013 new

I grew up in a broken home and did manage, after much work, to have a healthy marriage of my own. Statistics or not, the church encouraged us in our pre-marriage classes to look for a good marriage and recognize why it was good. Funny, but I tended to gravitate to that family long before I considered marriage. There are always examples out there to model our behavior on. We only get one shot at parenting. No one is faulting you for doing what is best in your situation. Loving your children is a win-win.

01/05/2013 new

Michelle, I am a gal and for that and for other reasons, I am limited in knowing how "men in general" feel. I do want to share with you one specific very happy occurence shared with my by a younger male chum. Some years ago, he began to be interested in a certain woman whose children's dad had really and truy "checked out" -- sad-to-say. He began to invite her out. It turned out by wonderful coincidence that the gal's children loved her new friend, and loved the fact that he was remarkably attentive to them. They are now a big, happy family.

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been &qu...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been "single" even during my marriage raising our kids and just want to know how guys feel about getting involved with a woman who has children where the father has basically "checked out" and not in the picture for sometime now.

--hide--
Finally, to you, dear Michelle--I never gave a direct response to your first post. I don't expect everyone to choose my option, which you don't need me to repeat. I hope you will be a wife again, and I think it is much more possible for you to do so successfully because your ex-husband has checked out. In cases like this, there is a void which can and hopefully will be filled by a fellow who knows how to get children to accept him, and who knows where the boundaries are. A good practicing Christian makes a good prospect if you are a candidate for marriage. No doubt, his strong love for your well being will translate positively to your children, and if he has kids of his own who respect him, then they would most likely get on board. Just be careful of HIS ex-spouse, especially if she is a devoted mother to his children. Like me, she considers the children to be hers and would not want anyone to try to fill her shoes. Do you understand what I'm getting at? When a natural parent is not out of the picture, utmost delicacy, communication and mutual respect will help make things workable.

I hope this is the last think I need to say in this Forum.

01/05/2013 new

I am open to women w/ children. I know for me that I became more open to women with children after my nieces were born and I was used to being around kids. My last relationship was with a single mom and it was a positive experience. As a sad reflection of our culture, of all the single moms I have been on dates with over the years, there was not one instance where the father was involved with the child. The biggest issues in dating a woman with children haven't been with the kids but with problems due to the mom just not being ready to date yet.

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Tom-919560 said: Well, I'm glad nobody is directly putting any words into my mouth. Although, some are still mis...
(Quote) Tom-919560 said:

Well, I'm glad nobody is directly putting any words into my mouth. Although, some are still missing the point, and are insisting on combativeness. Perhaps my original post should have said, "One option is biting the bullet and remaining single until the kids have grown up." Heck, you won't get any argument from me that the spouses should take care of each other so as to nurture the marriage, which in turn provides for its stability, which, finally, in turn, supports the stability of children. Phew! What are all of these arguments about?

I think it began when my original post raised the hackles of another poster who took great offense to the notion that it might be a good idea, also, to consider the failure rate of second and third marriages, and, to focus on raising the children. This was a highly popular idea on talk radio decades ago; today, however, it gets obfuscated by statements like, "Well, how are your kids ever going to learn to succed at marriage unless you show 'em...so do it again and do it right, for the kids' sake." Not only that, but people here have taken the CCC and twisted it to somehow have a retroactive application to subsequent marriages, when I don't buy that at all, and anybody without an axe to grind wouldn't buy it either. God didn't make the plan one that would fail if we followed it, and this is what the CCC teaches us. Am I saying He doesn't give second chances or allow you to begin again--NOOOOOOOOO!

It just amazes me that people are having such a difficult time with "biting the bullet" and teaching your kids how they can succeed where we might have failed. It also escapes me that so many optimistically believe that the blending of children is so utterly easy (wishful thinking?) when statistics don't bear this out.

There will be no evidence forthcoming that would prove to me a) the Church's catechetical teachings about marriage also somehow encourages re-marriage, or b) that remaining single for the kids' sake, and caring in community for each other, is suddenly something from which the Church has distanced itself.

Still, feel free to re-marry if you've achieved the annulment, but please don't reinvent Church teaching because you might not agree with my traditional approach to this problem, and please don't assume that people who choose to delay remarriage are somehow damaged goods who haven't yet resolved feelings of pain or anger.

--hide--

No one is being combative. I joined this thread just this morning and read through all of the earlier posts. It seemed more to me that others were being attacked. As I ended my other posting - there's no right and no wrong as each situation, child, family, divorce is different. What works for you in your opinion may work for others or it might not. There's no need to demean others or extrapolate and guess their meanings - this is simply an open forum for the free expression of opinions. We're on a catholic dating site so that means that everyone is on here for companionship of some sort.

01/07/2013 new
(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Thanks for the feedback Therese. Since I know that you are trying to help me and are comnig f...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:



Thanks for the feedback Therese. Since I know that you are trying to help me and are comnig from a neutral position it shows me that maybe I am not being clear in my message. Truly sorry about that and I am so grateful for your pointing that out to me. I think that I am being misunderstood. I would never advocate doing anything at someone's expense ( other than a dinner date ) far less the kids that God is trusting us to care for. I think that the thought process is that as we develop the marriage that we love each other as an example or the kids and as one we make it a priority to love them. My kids would never (I hope) be put in a position of compromise by me or anyone I allow into their lives. That is why the process of discernment is especially important when there are other souls that are part of your stewardship involved.



Like I said before, I think that society has made a position of subordination seem like a loss of dignity. I hear the same complaint from women on the "wives submit to your husband phrase". A holy priest once told me that submission broken down from its roots is sub- under and missio- love. So when we are in a place of submission, ideally we should be under love. True love is a sacrifice that upholds and uplifts the dignity of those subordinate to us. We aresubordinate to Christ. That is the position of greatest dignity. It is why the rest of the passage says Husbands loves your wives as Christ loves the Church even laying down His life for it. So when we say that our children are subordinate to us it does not mean that it is at their expense but that they are in a position of sacrifice and protection. So children are subordinate to you and your marriage. They are wards and part of your stewardship. In some cases God requires the single life for that to be accomplished and in some cases he does not. It is a case by case and as in all things requires prayer and discernment. We can not assume that if someone's path is one of no re-marriage when their children are young it is wrong and vice versa. Neither is the greater good unless it is God's will. The greatest good is always seeking God's will in all and teaching our kids to do the same.

--hide--


Thank you for clarifying! I thought there must be some misunderstanding! Very well said Shara hug
01/07/2013 new
Bravo Susie, I fully concur with your statement. I couldn't have articulated my sentiment any better. My prayers to all of us sole mums seeking a loving compassionate man to love us and our children as part of the package :)
01/07/2013 new

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts, I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings here. After having read just about all that has been said and much thought...I have realized and decided that I was pushing against God's plan for me so I am surrendering myself to his will and let Him do the planning for my life and my children. My children need me and having a relationship is not in the plan for now because He knows and I know that I am not fully ready. It would not be fair to the lucky guy if I were not in a position to give him my undivided attention and be torn between my kids time and his besides there is only of me! Plus my annulment is not finished....

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