Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 31st 2012 new

I would consider children, especially where the father is out of the picture, as additional blessings from God. How wonderful to be called not only to unite with a Godly woman but to have a hand in raising Godly kids, whoever the bio-father! I do understand that this is a difficult thing for some men, and if they believe they are not called to raise another man's children, they should not become involved in such a situation. Both the mother and the prospective Dad should consider this carefully and prayerfully together, and only pursue a union if the man is enthusiastic about being a Dad to the children.

Dec 31st 2012 new

No way. Forget it!

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: Patrick, i have made this observation before, but felt a need to clarify it since you brought i...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said:

Patrick, i have made this observation before, but felt a need to clarify it since you brought it up in this post. A woman is fully able, barring a diagnosed medical condition, to conceive, carry and bear children up until she is in full blown menopause which is a year after her last cycle. As someone who just turned 50, I haven't quite hit that mark yet. So do not overlook women in their late 30's or even early 40's (if you are comfortable with 8 years younger oops, i mean older), you may be plesantly surprised.
--hide--

"fertile for one year after the last period" is a rule of thumb, not a definitive statement; the actual time a given woman remains fertile after her last period can vary significantly. Also, the fertile cycles that do occur after the onset of perimenopause can be very erratic. Finally, the rate of miscarriages increases steadily as women age:

as women age, their risk of miscarriage increases. The rate of miscarriage is 15% in women younger than age 35, 20% to 25% in women age 35 to 39, 35% in women age 40 to 42, and 50% in women over age 42

www.mdguidelines.com

While the point that women can remain fertile into their 40s and 50s is valid, the claim that they are fully able to bear children until the onset of menopause clearly is not.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Can a guy answer this for Michelle and myself?
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Can a guy answer this for Michelle and myself?

--hide--

Shara and Michelle,

I would want to know what the situation with the father is, and I will ask if that has not been presented. That gives me a sense of what the children's point of view is. Of course the time involved is also a consideration, as well as whether there has been any sort of "father figure" available to the children. I would approach it like coaching; and adapt to each childs needs as best I can - be an example, and give the children time to get to know me, learn that they can trust me and that I respect them.

One thing that has come from my experience is a belief that FAMILY has a deeper spiritual and/or metaphysical aspect to it. I once explained this to a dear friend many years ago when she was contemplating marriage to a man with young children who's mother had utterly abandoned the family shortly after having the second child. My friend was concerned about being a step-mother. In short, I suggested that she never try to REPLACE their mother because "they will 'know' you're not and reject you"; but just BE a mother to them, and if she had children of her own (two eventually) - love and treat them all equally. She seems to have mastered it, because when that marriage ended a few years ago, his children and hers chose to stay with her, and they all continue to love her.

If a father was present, and still involved in children's lives, I would respect and support that, and hopefully develop and amicable relationship with him so that he too would know his children were safe with me, and would be cared for by me.

Thank you for asking a couple of very important questions.

Dec 31st 2012 new

I prefer to date women with children. By looking at her kids for a few hours, I can tell more about their mother, than dating a woman without kids for a year. What is important to the woman, her character, and her outlook on the world is reflected in her kids, things can not be kept hidden with children. I raised my now 15 yo son by myself since he was a baby (he is now a Junior at university) , also did licensed foster parenting as a single dad; to me it was very important when he was littler to not get him a new mom that would be bad for him, so he didn't have one.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Joe-660568 said: Michelle, It all depends on the situation... every guy is different. And age has a major impact on the way...
(Quote) Joe-660568 said: Michelle, It all depends on the situation... every guy is different. And age has a major impact on the way a man views children of a single mother suitor. I'm guessing that most men in their 20s and 30s probably want to have a fresh start with a woman who has no children or maybe one child might be considered okay. Many men have cold feet because it is often difficult to discipline a child that is not your own. I think that a good number of men, including myself, think that it its okay if you have a child prior to entering a new relationship, as long as you are a "sweetheart" that can be taken home to mom. I must also note that there is a stereotype out there dealing with promiscuity and children, but if you meet a man on a Catholic dating site, that probably won't be an issue. Maybe subliminally also, a man sees that if a single woman has a child, she may have somehow "failed" the earlier relationship (and hence may bring baggage into the new relationship), even though instead it may have been the man in the relationship that was abusive, neglectful, or even deadbeat. In spite of all these possiblities of how a man may view your having a child and being single, know that if a man is meant to be with you, then irrespective of how many children you have, it will happen and you will naturally be drawn to each other. Don't lose faith. I have come to believe that you have someone that is meant for you, so keep up the search. He is probably feeling the same way since he hasn't met you yet!
--hide--

Joe it is impressive to find such maturity and wisdom in one so young. Younger ladies take note. This one is a keeper. :-) I think that you are right about guys wondering if you are on your own because you failed. I think that if i was on the other side too I would be nervous as well. This is however a case by case situation. With me I am sure my husband can bring up some negatives ( I am by no means perfect) about me but I can assure you that I did everything to make my marriage work coupled with my spiritual director at that time. I was raised very traditional Catholic and so it was extremely hard for me to find myself in that situation. He was however mentally immature, unfaithful and abusive so it was not possible. I had had very little dating experience and in the confines of group dating and restricted alone time, coupled with my naivete I was unable to discern some major issues. I can say that I have learnt from them and God has used them to strengthen me. It is the main reason why I took such a long time off inbetween. I wanted to make sure that I had dealt with all of my baggage and statiblized myself and my children emotionally and financially before inviting anyone to join in. It was aso good and helpful to have an objective party on the journey with me in the form of a spritual director.

Pope John Paul makes a good point in his "Theology of the Body" that we have to go through our own healing with God before we can truly unite with anyone. My spiritual director says that it is two whole people that can become one. Two half people can never do it successfully or without undue strife. The other half of each of ourselves has to be God.

I think that while it may be the norm in the secular world to jump from one unhealthy relationship to another, I think that most of my Catholic sisters and I truly understand the need for regrouping first. Don't underestimate us fellas.

Dec 31st 2012 new

Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about some females in your situation...(with all due respect). Is when the woman doesn't go after the dad for child support. I was in a kind of relationship with a woman with children but I couldn't go any farther because she refused to go after the guy for her own kids sake. Because I have a child that my whole life practically revolved around t'ill he could fend for himself it's like figernails on a chalk board to me. Now a days...CSS or DHS(in WA state) will find him. He could be in Afganistan and they will empty his pockets. I just can't see myself ending up financially responsible for some other guys kid. I love kids especially my own. As far as just dating, going out and having good clean fun, I'm game. Kids themselves as little people don't bother me none. I love doing things that are kid friendly. The zoo, aquariums, out door activities, the beach, kung fu panda. These things cost money and their pops has to back them one way or another... voluntary or court ordered. Thats how I feel about dating ladies with kids.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Antonio-556710 said: Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about some females in your situation...(with all...
(Quote) Antonio-556710 said:

Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about some females in your situation...(with all due respect). Is when the woman doesn't go after the dad for child support. I was in a kind of relationship with a woman with children but I couldn't go any farther because she refused to go after the guy for her own kids sake. Because I have a child that my whole life practically revolved around t'ill he could fend for himself it's like figernails on a chalk board to me. Now a days...CSS or DHS(in WA state) will find him. He could be in Afganistan and they will empty his pockets. I just can't see myself ending up financially responsible for some other guys kid. I love kids especially my own. As far as just dating, going out and having good clean fun, I'm game. Kids themselves as little people don't bother me none. I love doing things that are kid friendly. The zoo, aquariums, out door activities, the beach, kung fu panda. These things cost money and their pops has to back them one way or another... voluntary or court ordered. Thats how I feel about dating ladies with kids.

--hide--

Antonio. I for one am not looking for a man to support my kids. God in his mercy has enabled me to be a good provider. I would challenge you to not see relationships financial transactions but as a relational transaction. Most women aren't looking for a sugar daddy. I would not want to date a man with that view point at all. Apologies for the bluntness but the above statement was not very polite and needed to be addressed.

Dec 31st 2012 new

I dated a woman with teenage daughters and it was difficult because they called at least once every date so as a man be prepared to be patiant with this.


Another issue which I did not have myself but my friend had was: does the man ever get to the point were he helps raise the child? After marrage for example. It is VERY dificult to hear "he is my child not yours" years into a marrage.

Mick

Dec 31st 2012 new

Well said Shara! My situation was almost similar to yours with a mixed religion marriage (him being Southern Baptist) and domestic violence involved. I got out for the sake of my children and myself plus an angel ( a young police officer) was there to tell me to get out while I could and ever since I have become a stronger and smarter woman. When and if I do start dating someone I am going to be very cautious!

Posts 41 - 50 of 162