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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: Well said Shara! My situation was almost similar to yours with a mixed religion marriage (him ...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

Well said Shara! My situation was almost similar to yours with a mixed religion marriage (him being Southern Baptist) and domestic violence involved. I got out for the sake of my children and myself plus an angel ( a young police officer) was there to tell me to get out while I could and ever since I have become a stronger and smarter woman. When and if I do start dating someone I am going to be very cautious!

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That's smart and exactly what I mean. Good for you and I am sure that God will bring a good person into your life in time. Remember that you deserve the best and are beautiful inside and out.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been &qu...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been "single" even during my marriage raising our kids and just want to know how guys feel about getting involved with a woman who has children where the father has basically "checked out" and not in the picture for sometime now.

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Michelle I often wondered the same thing. Think people have evolved enough where dating someone with children is not such a foreign concept. Any man regardless if he's trying to date a mother or not should be secure enough within themselves to lead a family and children. Up to this point Iv'e not found such a man. That doesn't mean he doesn't exist. If you look back over the history of mankind, we know that nomadic people stuck together. If a male was injured, killed or wondered off, then the other males would assume responsibility for his family. Anytime Im approached I usually get what I call the "drop and roll". I'm out with my kids and a nice looking man approaches and smiles,or giggles, drops a compliment and then rolls off. These men don't look like the kind to approach promiscuous woman.

Dec 31st 2012 new

Put aside your romantic cravings, your need for financial stability, or becoming "complete." To me, it was a no brainer: as long as my kids were still not legal adults, they--and not another adult--would be the focus of my attention and the recepients of my time and financial resources. Does this statement reveal anything about complicated subjects such as love, companionship, or practical necessity for a financially dependent ex-spouse? I don't think so. But, for me, I often thought about why Jesus didn't pull any punches when he said "re-marriage after divorce is adultery." I wasn't thinking Jesus meant it as moral decree dealing with sexual promiscuity, but rather, an abdication of my duties as the father to three little ones, who at the time needed someone completely focused, serious, and responsible for their well being. Could I have given them the time and money necessary if I had taken on a new wife in what at best would have been a new crapshoot? If I had failed at "natural" marriage, what would suddenly make me so successful in an "unnatural" marriage with a blending of children?

I have had the opportunity to date since my divorce nine years ago, and my kids are getting closer to becoming legal adults. The female adult company was always plain nice. But, I may have been a disappointment to some of the ladies I dated because I chose not to be anything more than friends. I don't think St. Paul viewed re-marriage as the quick solution either. Perhaps, as some kind of spin-off from Jesus' prohibition against remarriage, he thought it best that we, as a community, care for one another. I don't know the answer; I just have gut feelings about why it was better not to remarry. If you think God is going to send you a man, you might be right; but expect St. Joseph and not the town knight in shining armor.

The moral of the story is--the kids come first; and a single parent, with a good support network, can help the kids more than by getting into a second, riskier, marriage.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Tom-919560 said: Put aside your romantic cravings, your need for financial stability, or becoming "complete.&qu...
(Quote) Tom-919560 said:

Put aside your romantic cravings, your need for financial stability, or becoming "complete." To me, it was a no brainer: as long as my kids were still not legal adults, they--and not another adult--would be the focus of my attention and the recepients of my time and financial resources. Does this statement reveal anything about complicated subjects such as love, companionship, or practical necessity for a financially dependent ex-spouse? I don't think so. But, for me, I often thought about why Jesus didn't pull any punches when he said "re-marriage after divorce is adultery." I wasn't thinking Jesus meant it as moral decree dealing with sexual promiscuity, but rather, an abdication of my duties as the father to three little ones, who at the time needed someone completely focused, serious, and responsible for their well being. Could I have given them the time and money necessary if I had taken on a new wife in what at best would have been a new crapshoot? If I had failed at "natural" marriage, what would suddenly make me so successful in an "unnatural" marriage with a blending of children?

I have had the opportunity to date since my divorce nine years ago, and my kids are getting closer to becoming legal adults. The female adult company was always plain nice. But, I may have been a disappointment to some of the ladies I dated because I chose not to be anything more than friends. I don't think St. Paul viewed re-marriage as the quick solution either. Perhaps, as some kind of spin-off from Jesus' prohibition against remarriage, he thought it best that we, as a community, care for one another. I don't know the answer; I just have gut feelings about why it was better not to remarry. If you think God is going to send you a man, you might be right; but expect St. Joseph and not the town knight in shining armor.

The moral of the story is--the kids come first; and a single parent, with a good support network, can help the kids more than by getting into a second, riskier, marriage.

--hide--

Tom. I appreciate that this is your opinion but know that this opinion is not catechetically sound. The Church does not view re-marriage as bad in the case of annulment or a widowed spouse or even detrimental to young children. In fact my Opus Dei spiritual director who is ultra-conservative and family focused is the one encouraging me to start dating. He feels that this is where God is leading me now and he is also my confessor so he has a good framework for knowing me. My daughter has been asking me to for three years now and she is 8. I think that while this might have been right for your situation it is not always the case. I know of several happy conservative Catholic families that are as a result of re-marriage with children involved. To alleviate your fears, please be assured that I am looking for St. joseph not prince charming as are most of the women on this site I think.

I am also not so prideful in thinking that my solution is for everyone. I only know what God has put in my heart and has lead my spiritual director to guide me to. Jesus, to St. Faustina in Divine Mercy for my soul, cautioned that it is extremely important that she follow her sipritual director. I am following mine as I trust God to honor the confidence and trust I place in his sacrament of priesthood. My children are important to me and that is why I choose to live a life of grace and of seeking of God in all things under the guidance His Church and his mercy.

Dec 31st 2012 new

As for me. I would have no problem meeting a woman with a child/childrern. Its working out the details of that dynamic. As with everything honesty with all concerned would have to be communicated. If the lady and I hit it off accepting her children should be understood.

Dec 31st 2012 new
(Quote) Antonio-556710 said: Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about some females in your situation...(with all due respect)....
(Quote) Antonio-556710 said:

Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about some females in your situation...(with all due respect). Is when the woman doesn't go after the dad for child support. I was in a kind of relationship with a woman with children but I couldn't go any farther because she refused to go after the guy for her own kids sake. Because I have a child that my whole life practically revolved around t'ill he could fend for himself it's like figernails on a chalk board to me. Now a days...CSS or DHS(in WA state) will find him. He could be in Afganistan and they will empty his pockets. I just can't see myself ending up financially responsible for some other guys kid. I love kids especially my own. As far as just dating, going out and having good clean fun, I'm game. Kids themselves as little people don't bother me none. I love doing things that are kid friendly. The zoo, aquariums, out door activities, the beach, kung fu panda. These things cost money and their pops has to back them one way or another... voluntary or court ordered. Thats how I feel about dating ladies with kids.

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So many couples adopt kids who are not their biological kids and take full responsibility for them. Saddening is what you said!!!! I don't think you are ready to marry any woman who has kids period, whether they are financially supported or not. I don't think any woman who read your post will trust you as a stepfather to her kids. I totally agree with Shara!
Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Tom-919560 said: Put aside your romantic cravings, your need for financial stability, or becoming "complete.&qu...
(Quote) Tom-919560 said:

Put aside your romantic cravings, your need for financial stability, or becoming "complete." To me, it was a no brainer: as long as my kids were still not legal adults, they--and not another adult--would be the focus of my attention and the recepients of my time and financial resources. Does this statement reveal anything about complicated subjects such as love, companionship, or practical necessity for a financially dependent ex-spouse? I don't think so. But, for me, I often thought about why Jesus didn't pull any punches when he said "re-marriage after divorce is adultery." I wasn't thinking Jesus meant it as moral decree dealing with sexual promiscuity, but rather, an abdication of my duties as the father to three little ones, who at the time needed someone completely focused, serious, and responsible for their well being. Could I have given them the time and money necessary if I had taken on a new wife in what at best would have been a new crapshoot? If I had failed at "natural" marriage, what would suddenly make me so successful in an "unnatural" marriage with a blending of children?

I have had the opportunity to date since my divorce nine years ago, and my kids are getting closer to becoming legal adults. The female adult company was always plain nice. But, I may have been a disappointment to some of the ladies I dated because I chose not to be anything more than friends. I don't think St. Paul viewed re-marriage as the quick solution either. Perhaps, as some kind of spin-off from Jesus' prohibition against remarriage, he thought it best that we, as a community, care for one another. I don't know the answer; I just have gut feelings about why it was better not to remarry. If you think God is going to send you a man, you might be right; but expect St. Joseph and not the town knight in shining armor.

The moral of the story is--the kids come first; and a single parent, with a good support network, can help the kids more than by getting into a second, riskier, marriage.

--hide--
Tom what do you think would be an ideal situation for me, with kids and all?

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Tom. I appreciate that this is your opinion but know that this opinion is not c...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Tom. I appreciate that this is your opinion but know that this opinion is not catechetically sound.

--hide--
I was being circumspect, and not catechetical in the reflection I wrote above.

The Catechism's teachings basically declares that the purposes of Holy Matrimony are twofold: the birth and education of children. Now, I ask you: Do you think it was part of the Divine Plan to achieve these ends after failed marriages? That is doubtful; but, you won't get an argument from me that annulments are a valid part of Church Canon Law.

As a strong father figure and family man who thoroughly disliked my divorced status, I saw two subsequent men (step dad's) enter into the lives of my children when they were quite small, and who thought they needed to be--their rightful role!--was to be my offspring's replacement father. That could never sit well with a family man like me. I thought to myself, "Why are these gentlemen playing this role for the sake of their new beau, while at the same time neglecting their own progeny! Talk about backwards. In fact, I'm sure there'd have been a court order against me in a heartbeat if I ever approached one of these fellows and said, "You're not needed. You can have the woman; stay away from the kids." Any decent man would walk away from any woman in a heartbeat if he saw a real good dad being relegated to sperm donor, and then a bank account. But, then again, how many good men know how to be circumspect? Men who can't resist the fruit being handed to them? Oh, I tell you! Divorce is evil to the man who loves his family.

I'll go along with y'all, though since Mother Church herself has introduced words Jesus never spoke. Yep, I can't disagree with Her, but I surely can despise divorce and remarriage and I can testify to the harm it brings to children.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Tom-919560 said: I was being circumspect, and not catechetical in the reflection I wrote above. The Catechism...
(Quote) Tom-919560 said:

I was being circumspect, and not catechetical in the reflection I wrote above.

The Catechism's teachings basically declares that the purposes of Holy Matrimony are twofold: the birth and education of children. Now, I ask you: Do you think it was part of the Divine Plan to achieve these ends after failed marriages? That is doubtful; but, you won't get an argument from me that annulments are a valid part of Church Canon Law.

As a strong father figure and family man who thoroughly disliked my divorced status, I saw two subsequent men (step dad's) enter into the lives of my children when they were quite small, and who thought they needed to be--their rightful role!--was to be my offspring's replacement father. That could never sit well with a family man like me. I thought to myself, "Why are these gentlemen playing this role for the sake of their new beau, while at the same time neglecting their own progeny! Talk about backwards. In fact, I'm sure there'd have been a court order against me in a heartbeat if I ever approached one of these fellows and said, "You're not needed. You can have the woman; stay away from the kids." Any decent man would walk away from any woman in a heartbeat if he saw a real good dad being relegated to sperm donor, and then a bank account. But, then again, how many good men know how to be circumspect? Men who can't resist the fruit being handed to them? Oh, I tell you! Divorce is evil to the man who loves his family.

I'll go along with y'all, though since Mother Church herself has introduced words Jesus never spoke. Yep, I can't disagree with Her, but I surely can despise divorce and remarriage and I can testify to the harm it brings to children.

--hide--

Tom. I was trying to hold back before but your blatant attack on the Church implying that has introduced words that Jesus never spoke is so theologically inaccurate that I need to address it. Please not that what makes us Catholic is divine revelation that comes to us in the form of Scripture and Tradition ( Capital T) as confirmed in the scripture by St Paul. He says take to heart not only that which is written down but that which is handed down to you by your brethren. Divine relvelation is God's reveling of himself to us which started with creation. Public revelation ended with Christ as God could not reveal himself anymore than by becoming man. However private revelation which is the peeling back of the beautiful mystery that is Christ is an ongoing process. It comes to us in the form of sripture and Tradition. Both are equally inportant and with equal levels of validation. If you are coming from the school of thought of Sola Scriptura, then that is catechically and theologically in accurate. ( But that is a whole other discusssion)

I admit that I am extremely defensive when it comes to my faith ( even though the Church needs no defending) but do not DARE to come on a CATHOLIC forum and try to challenge the Church's authority in Tradition. Tread very carefully I ask you dear sir.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-911246 said: Tom what do you think would be an ideal situation for me, with kids and all?
(Quote) Theresa-911246 said:

Tom what do you think would be an ideal situation for me, with kids and all?

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Pray for wisdom, guidance, and the will of God. Keep all of your senses, including the supernatural one that will be sent to you, on what is best for your children, and his as well. This is a tougher gig than people here are letting on. I will offer you a Rosary this evening.

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