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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-368827 said: Now this is the troublesome part - expectations, criteria, and all that. Is it righ...
(Quote) Andrea-368827 said:


Now this is the troublesome part - expectations, criteria, and all that. Is it right to have expectations? Where and when are expectations appropriate or not? If I expect to marry a Catholic, should it be phrased differently? If giving is loving then are expectations loving at all ?

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Actually, I thought that the video you posted was pretty good in addressing this. Also, there was a post in another thread that made a distinction between preference and restriction. If one's expectations or preferences become restrictions then this will severely limit one's ability to find a spouse. However I think some preferences such as being Catholic or strong morals are pretty essential to the success of the marriage. A person just has to distinguish between what is essential to what is simply a preference. That just my two cents!

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: Actually, I thought that the video you posted was pretty good in addressing this. A...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:




Actually, I thought that the video you posted was pretty good in addressing this. Also, there was a post in another thread that made a distinction between preference and restriction. If one's expectations or preferences become restrictions then this will severely limit one's ability to find a spouse. However I think some preferences such as being Catholic or strong morals are pretty essential to the success of the marriage. A person just has to distinguish between what is essential to what is simply a preference. That just my two cents!

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I agree. And the Catholic or morals, probably fall under discernment of being compatible, but every day is good day to love.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: In my short time on CM, I have read a number of fora posts including a reference to "God&#...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:

In my short time on CM, I have read a number of fora posts including a reference to "God's will." That you must be open to "God's will" in a match so you need to consider persons who perhaps do not have all the qualities you desire. Yet at the same time there have been posts stating that it's really up to you in regard to your qualifications regarding age, appearance, life experience. This seems to be doublespeak to me.

I have a much broader perspective now on God's will and discernment than I used to. I really think God's will is much more dynamic that it is often made out to be - and must be if we believe in human freedom. The fact is, all of us thwart God's will every day - it's called sin. So if we thwart God's will in little ways each day, what makes us think we're going to get it right in big decisions? I think God's will is that we learn how to LOVE during our time here on earth, and because we often screw up this plan for a good portion of our lives, He continues to place new ways to teach us to love in our path and hopefully we will embrace some of these and learn a little more about love during this journey called life.

I don't assume that we'll get it figured out here in this CM thread, since confusion over this was one of the reasons the whole Protestant Reformation happened, but maybe we can all get a fuller understanding for ourselves.

So what's your perspective on God's will?

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Hi Kristen,


First let me say thank you for starting this thread. I've been toying with the idea of starting a thread like this because i think it' something that needs to be talk about. I agree very much with what you are saying here, that God's will is for most of us to marry, but there is no "one" person that God has made for us. When I was younger I use to have a very strong believe in the Idea of a soul mate, but over time I've come to believe that this not only wrong, but unhealthy. In fact, this view almost implies that person is more of an object that a person. I think the soul mate idea lends it to a self centered view of dating and relationships. Leading someone to look only at the other person and not how be become a better partner. I also think that choosing someone to spend your life with is much deeper and more loving then having that person created for you.




Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: A priest taught me how to deal with the quandry of discernment. Let's say a situation comes u...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

A priest taught me how to deal with the quandry of discernment. Let's say a situation comes up and an important decision must be made. I would pray, "Lord, I need to know what to do here. But I want to do your will." Often, a decision would begin to formulate even as I'm praying, so then I continue, "Lord, here's my idea...Now, I don't know if this is actually your will, but my desire is to do your will. So, this is what I am going to do. If it is your will, bless my efforts. If it is not, block it and direct me along the right path." The prayer is a little convoluted, but what I've done is placed the whole mess in His hands, while at the same time not becoming "frozen" waiting for neon signs and cats and dogs raining from heaven as a sign. The best way to move forward in the spiritual life, a relationship, or anything else is, in fact, to move forward. And in great confidence of God's paternal love.

People cross our paths for a reason, sometimes just fleetingly, but we always learn from the experience and hopefully, grow more loving in the process.

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Alice... that is a beautiful prayer and approach and conclusion; I actually don't think it convoluted at all. I'm going to adapt that....

A woman I met here on CM passed away suddenly before Christmas. She lived on the East coast, and each of our situations didn't seem to allow us to pursue a closer relationship even though we were very much drawn toward each other. We decided to keep in touch, and trust God to lead us together as we prayed and dealt with our immediate responsibilities and the challenge of actually meeting in person. It seems that God blocked that path by calling her Home, and my challenge is again to accept His will while thanking Him for the wonderful privilege of briefly knowing her.

Thank you for sharing your prayer.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-235584 said: Since we don't really know what Gods will is for us, we make a choice. Now, determining bet...
(Quote) Patrick-235584 said:

Since we don't really know what Gods will is for us, we make a choice. Now, determining between good and evil, then yes, if we choose knowingly to do evil, then it is a sin, but really, when it comes to real life situatuions that, either way you look at it, are good intentions, then all we are practicing is our gift of free will. It's not really that hard to figure out, do I want to date this girl, well no, not my type, but I would like to date this other girl. But in reality,. how do we know which one God choose for us?? we don't, therefore that act of free will is not a sin. Again, if we knew who we were supposed to be with, and where we're supposed to be at in life, then all this would be predestination, and not free will.

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clap


I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people do not take responsibility for their own choices by saying, "That was God's will." Unless a voice booms from the heavens or you meet an un-consumed burning bush, you just can't know that for sure, can you?


I have seen people make choices that result in - at minimum- the poor treatment of others, and then make themselves feel better and totally not connected to the situation by claiming, "It was God's will it happen this way." boggled Sometimes I just want to shake people, you know? Say that you did what you thought was best, okay, say that you did what you thought God would be pleased with or what you thought God would want you to do, but claiming you actually, definitively know the will of God seems... arrogant. And it doesn't leave any room for people to acknowledge that they may have made any sort of misstep in their choice of words or actions and/or room to possibly make recompense for any damage they inadvertantly did. They "know" that "they were doing God's will," so clearly, whatever happened was how it should have gone and was totally unconnected with them personally. (Where is the icon for hitting your head against a brick wall?)


Free will, baby. Free will. Gotta take responsibility for your choices. Can't get out of it by blaming the Big Guy. < /rant >

Jan 2nd 2013 new

www.integratedcatholiclife.org


Jan 2nd 2013 new

Direct hit. Bullseye...

www.ourcatholicfaith.org


(Quote) Laura-896845 said: I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people d...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:


I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people do not take responsibility for their own choices by saying, "That was God's will." Unless a voice booms from the heavens or you meet an un-consumed burning bush, you just can't know that for sure, can you?


I have seen people make choices that result in - at minimum- the poor treatment of others, and then make themselves feel better and totally not connected to the situation by claiming, "It was God's will it happen this way." Sometimes I just want to shake people, you know? Say that you did what you thought was best, okay, say that you did what you thought God would be pleased with or what you thought God would want you to do, but claiming you actually, definitively know the will of God seems... arrogant. And it doesn't leave any room for people to acknowledge that they may have made any sort of misstep in their choice of words or actions and/or room to possibly make recompense for any damage they inadvertantly did. They "know" that "they were doing God's will," so clearly, whatever happened was how it should have gone and was totally unconnected with them personally. (Where is the icon for hitting your head against a brick wall?)


Free will, baby. Free will. Gotta take responsibility for your choices. Can't get out of it by blaming the Big Guy. < /rant >

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Jan 2nd 2013 new

You need to accept people for who they are and how God made them. There is no perfect person or relationship without God involved. You should also have realistic expectations that people can meet.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people do not take re...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:

I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people do not take responsibility for their own choices by saying, "That was God's will." Unless a voice booms from the heavens or you meet an un-consumed burning bush, you just can't know that for sure, can you?


I have seen people make choices that result in - at minimum- the poor treatment of others, and then make themselves feel better and totally not connected to the situation by claiming, "It was God's will it happen this way." Sometimes I just want to shake people, you know? Say that you did what you thought was best, okay, say that you did what you thought God would be pleased with or what you thought God would want you to do, but claiming you actually, definitively know the will of God seems... arrogant. And it doesn't leave any room for people to acknowledge that they may have made any sort of misstep in their choice of words or actions and/or room to possibly make recompense for any damage they inadvertantly did. They "know" that "they were doing God's will," so clearly, whatever happened was how it should have gone and was totally unconnected with them personally. (Where is the icon for hitting your head against a brick wall?)


Free will, baby. Free will. Gotta take responsibility for your choices. Can't get out of it by blaming the Big Guy. < /rant >

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Good post Laura, I've found there is a very thin line between accepting "God's will" and using it as an excuse for poor-choices and/or bad behavior. I think in most cases people just use it to help them cope with disappointment and that is in it self is not bad thing, but taken to far it can just be an excuse for always taking the easy path and God's plan for us almost never leads down the easy road.


While i totally agree we need to take responsibility for our choices, I think it's important to remember that are choices are made in the context of God's Bigger plan for us.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

On Relevant Radio, I heard a program called "Changed Forever" with Father Larry Richards, and his definition of God's will is that God wants us to live lives worthy enough to get us into heaven. Nothing more, nothing less.

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