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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-235584 said: when an act of evil is done, when we have a free will to do otherwise, YES, this is a ...
(Quote) Patrick-235584 said:

when an act of evil is done, when we have a free will to do otherwise, YES, this is a sin, however, in not doing something evil, (choosing someone for us, instead of someone God had planned for us) is not a sin, it's siimply using the free will that GOD gave to us. I"m sorry Elizabeth, I"m not going against him in defiance, nor in doing an evil act to ridicule him, I would simply be using the tools he gave each and every one of us. If this were the case, there would be no such thing as a free will, we would all be subjected to predestination, and I'm pretty sure the church wasnt' to hip on that subject.

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I agree, Patrick. Sometimes we are 'blinded' due to a variety of factors and so we choose someone who is not the best for us. My prayer, from the book Surrender! is that I will love and desire whatever (whomever) God desires for me, if anyone. Our emotions are sometimes not in sync with our intellect and we can put on rose colored glasses. I was advised to identify my core, list my deal breakers ahead of time--before dating--and be careful what pond I fish in.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: In my short time on CM, I have read a number of fora posts including a reference to "God&#...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:

In my short time on CM, I have read a number of fora posts including a reference to "God's will." That you must be open to "God's will" in a match so you need to consider persons who perhaps do not have all the qualities you desire. Yet at the same time there have been posts stating that it's really up to you in regard to your qualifications regarding age, appearance, life experience. This seems to be doublespeak to me.

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God's will is often very contrary to our expectations. Thinking he was doing God's will by persecuting and killing Christians, Paul set out to Damascus to carry on this work. But Paul was sorely mistaken and God let him know in a dramatic way what His will for Paul really was. Thus began one of the most sudden and dramatic conversion stories in all of Christian history.


Many people who've been on CM forever have a long list of requirements for an acceptable mate. How many people did God put in their path whom they rejected?


Too often people mislabel the unbridled exercise of their own ego as doing "God's will". Who can argue against them without attacking GOD ALMIGHTY? It's a nasty lousy gambit and one that's all too common among people of faith.


Let our prayer be "Here I am Lord, I come to do your will. Lead me and I will follow."

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Justin-32820 said: Hi Kristen, First let me say thank you for starting this thread. I've been toying ...
(Quote) Justin-32820 said:

Hi Kristen,


First let me say thank you for starting this thread. I've been toying with the idea of starting a thread like this because i think it' something that needs to be talk about. I agree very much with what you are saying here, that God's will is for most of us to marry, but there is no "one" person that God has made for us. When I was younger I use to have a very strong believe in the Idea of a soul mate, but over time I've come to believe that this not only wrong, but unhealthy. In fact, this view almost implies that person is more of an object that a person. I think the soul mate idea lends it to a self centered view of dating and relationships. Leading someone to look only at the other person and not how be become a better partner. I also think that choosing someone to spend your life with is much deeper and more loving then having that person created for you.

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Thank you. The idea of a soul mate, that there is one perfect person, is just ridiculous. There are plenty of suitable prospects. Not just one who will magically appear in perfect form.


Unfortunately, many on CM and elsewhere subscribe to the fairy tale idea you so aptly described: www.youtube.com



Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people d...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:


I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people do not take responsibility for their own choices by saying, "That was God's will." Unless a voice booms from the heavens or you meet an un-consumed burning bush, you just can't know that for sure, can you?


I have seen people make choices that result in - at minimum- the poor treatment of others, and then make themselves feel better and totally not connected to the situation by claiming, "It was God's will it happen this way." Sometimes I just want to shake people, you know? Say that you did what you thought was best, okay, say that you did what you thought God would be pleased with or what you thought God would want you to do, but claiming you actually, definitively know the will of God seems... arrogant. And it doesn't leave any room for people to acknowledge that they may have made any sort of misstep in their choice of words or actions and/or room to possibly make recompense for any damage they inadvertantly did. They "know" that "they were doing God's will," so clearly, whatever happened was how it should have gone and was totally unconnected with them personally. (Where is the icon for hitting your head against a brick wall?)


Free will, baby. Free will. Gotta take responsibility for your choices. Can't get out of it by blaming the Big Guy. < /rant >

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Laura, this situation is EXACTLY what I was talking about! Some religious people totally try to justify their behavior by calling it "God's will" when it often is just an attempt to control.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Justin-32820 said: While i totally agree we need to take responsibility for our choices, I think it's import...
(Quote) Justin-32820 said:


While i totally agree we need to take responsibility for our choices, I think it's important to remember that are choices are made in the context of God's Bigger plan for us.

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Love LOVE this! You've cogently expressed a balanced view of human free will in the context of God's will!

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: In my short time on CM, I have read a number of fora posts including a reference to "God&#...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:

In my short time on CM, I have read a number of fora posts including a reference to "God's will." That you must be open to "God's will" in a match so you need to consider persons who perhaps do not have all the qualities you desire. Yet at the same time there have been posts stating that it's really up to you in regard to your qualifications regarding age, appearance, life experience. This seems to be doublespeak to me.

I have a much broader perspective now on God's will and discernment than I used to. I really think God's will is much more dynamic that it is often made out to be - and must be if we believe in human freedom. The fact is, all of us thwart God's will every day - it's called sin. So if we thwart God's will in little ways each day, what makes us think we're going to get it right in big decisions? I think God's will is that we learn how to LOVE during our time here on earth, and because we often screw up this plan for a good portion of our lives, He continues to place new ways to teach us to love in our path and hopefully we will embrace some of these and learn a little more about love during this journey called life.

I don't assume that we'll get it figured out here in this CM thread, since confusion over this was one of the reasons the whole Protestant Reformation happened, but maybe we can all get a fuller understanding for ourselves.

So what's your perspective on God's will?

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The idea of doing God's will in finding a mate has merit. To translate that means we should be thoughtful in our discernment and use our free will and ability to think. I'm ok with the soulmate concept -- there are some whose relationship is extremely close and intense. Where my belief stops is that there is only one possible soulmate for a person. As many have discovered, there are other people who can be ideal mates and the relationship can be satisfying.

God's will should lead us to choose carefully and think of a relationship that will bring us closer to Him. If we can answer "Yes" to that, our confidence that we're doing the right thing is enhanced and confirmed. Our own free will should lead us to conform with His desire for us to help lead our mates to eternal salvation. That's the end goal.

If there is a person who would be an ideal spouse (or close to it), we need to prayerfully consider the possibility. Would it be wrong to reject that person and say "No"? It depends upon the reason for rejection. If it is for selfish reasons (He doesn't earn enough for my desired lifestyle; I want someone taller, for examples), then we should question whether or not we're following the Lord's will.

I won't and can't say such a rejection is sinful. There can be a difference between making a sinful decision or a stupid one. It's between that person and the Lord to settle.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people d...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:


I have to say, something that really rubs me the wrong way is when people do not take responsibility for their own choices by saying, "That was God's will." Unless a voice booms from the heavens or you meet an un-consumed burning bush, you just can't know that for sure, can you?


I have seen people make choices that result in - at minimum- the poor treatment of others, and then make themselves feel better and totally not connected to the situation by claiming, "It was God's will it happen this way." Sometimes I just want to shake people, you know? Say that you did what you thought was best, okay, say that you did what you thought God would be pleased with or what you thought God would want you to do, but claiming you actually, definitively know the will of God seems... arrogant. And it doesn't leave any room for people to acknowledge that they may have made any sort of misstep in their choice of words or actions and/or room to possibly make recompense for any damage they inadvertantly did. They "know" that "they were doing God's will," so clearly, whatever happened was how it should have gone and was totally unconnected with them personally. (Where is the icon for hitting your head against a brick wall?)


Free will, baby. Free will. Gotta take responsibility for your choices. Can't get out of it by blaming the Big Guy. < /rant >

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Well said Laura. I think I can safely say that it is God's will that we all obey the Ten Commandments, and that we are called to live a life of love, charity, humility, and forgiveness as modeled for us by Jesus Christ. The rest is up to us. We have free will to make choices in our lives - good or bad - and I agree, chalking it all up to God's will whether it turns out good or bad is just a cop-out. We must take responsibility for our thinking and actions, and that certainly includes our relationships. The youtube video posted by Andrea is great! Check it out. The video makes frequent reference to "I this, and I that" - not a good way to approach a relationship, because giving {{ seeing the blessings in front of you, rather than what you wish to create }} is the key to finding true love. Hard to do at times, but this part really would be God's plan.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-368827 said: This is a Jewish video. Since it is the same God we are all working to be one ...
(Quote) Andrea-368827 said:

This is a Jewish video. Since it is the same God we are all working to be one with, i think it provides an interesting view of dating. Learning how to love, not doing our will. (Although, God's will for me is caring for my Mom, I don't do much dating).

youtu.be
(It seems to be not working at this moment - midnight, but I watched it a few minutes ago and enjoyed it).

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laughing scratchchin clap me like

Jan 2nd 2013 new
Sometimes I have problems with Gods Will. Is what happened in Sandy Hook Gods Will? I think not. I think Gods Will is allowing a natural course of action to take place, even more so when love is involved being it family, spiritual/platonic,or the physical/chemical reaction that takes place when two people" fall " head over heels in love. Also, that being said, there is times when someone has to take a chance and at lease, push the door open. Jerome
Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: Laura, this situation is EXACTLY what I was talking about! Some religious people to...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:




Laura, this situation is EXACTLY what I was talking about! Some religious people totally try to justify their behavior by calling it "God's will" when it often is just an attempt to control.

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Ding ding ding. We have a winner. Select any of the prizes along the top shelf.

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