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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said: You're not being weird on your idea, it's just something you like. Her...
(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said:


You're not being weird on your idea, it's just something you like. Here is one I received from a gal after sending her just a simple emotigram of (Hello): she replied, "Hi there. Thanks for the emotigram! Good luck to you on here and wishing you a blessed Christmas :)." Can I use something similar to gals when I'm not interested in her at that moment. However, I sometimes just run out of things to work with her to continue the conversation. I personally don't think I'm being rude if I don't reply to their message if I have nothing better to say at that moment. Just for fun, I'll wish every lady who has sent me a message (awaiting reply) using a Happy New Year emotigram .

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WHAT???? Having too many messages to respond to on here is totally a guy problem and why I say it is easier for Catholic guys than us women. The pool of women is much larger to choose from. I do hope that there is a not interested button in place soon. But I also think that a simply note saying "best of luck to you" would convey a similiar thought and also fulfill the charitable aspect of it. Remember men; charity in ALL things. What would St. Joseph do?

Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: WHAT???? Having too many messages to respond to on here is totally a guy problem and why...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

WHAT???? Having too many messages to respond to on here is totally a guy problem and why I say it is easier for Catholic guys than us women. The pool of women is much larger to choose from. I do hope that there is a not interested button in place soon. But I also think that a simply note saying "best of luck to you" would convey a similiar thought and also fulfill the charitable aspect of it. Remember men; charity in ALL things. What would St. Joseph do?

--hide--


There was a canned "not interested" reply in the past, but it has since been 86'ed, as many expressed feelings of being demoralized after receiving it.


I understand the feeling that a simple reply stating non-interest as being charitable, however, personally, I'd rather said person to not reply at all than waste her time sending me a message with the explicit intent of telling me that she isn't interested. That, and some people don't know how to or refuse to take a hint. Some people, you can send them a message indicating your disinterest and all that does is motivate them to continue messaging, or to send follow-up messages demanding an explanation (yes, there are those on this site!).


And don't believe the "too many messages to respond to". I do a lot of communicating on this site and I find the time to return practically every message sent to me either the same day, or within 24 hours from the time it was sent. It's really not that difficult unless you're not in the site at all. You can return an emote with a message in under 10 seconds. I don't know anyone who is too busy to give 10 seconds of their time.


theheart

Jan 1st 2013 new

I agree, it's nice and respectable to at least respond to a message or emotigram. It doesn't have to go anywhere after that. This whole process kind of reminds me of the job search since I see so many of the same issues.

Nothing made me more angry than a no response rejection. I'd always think, what if they never got the application, or what could have been so bad to get no response at all. And worst of all it never provided any closure on the issue. I mean, there were a couple examples where I actually did get an interview several months after I applied so I hated the waiting game when I knew the answer was no but there was always a glimmer of hope.

Sure the rejection letters and e-mails hurt but at least I knew I was acknowledged if nothing else. So I can understand how people are upset by this.

Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) William-913283 said: I agree, it's nice and respectable to at least respond to a message or emotigram. It doesn&...
(Quote) William-913283 said:

I agree, it's nice and respectable to at least respond to a message or emotigram. It doesn't have to go anywhere after that. This whole process kind of reminds me of the job search since I see so many of the same issues.

Nothing made me more angry than a no response rejection. I'd always think, what if they never got the application, or what could have been so bad to get no response at all. And worst of all it never provided any closure on the issue. I mean, there were a couple examples where I actually did get an interview several months after I applied so I hated the waiting game when I knew the answer was no but there was always a glimmer of hope.

Sure the rejection letters and e-mails hurt but at least I knew I was acknowledged if nothing else. So I can understand how people are upset by this.

--hide--

Perfectly said and a mature and healthy perscpetive. clap

Jan 1st 2013 new

Well, speaking from the perspective of a newbie, there may be some trepidation in replying! I am normally a bit quiet at first, but then can be very outgoing once I get to know someone. Add in the fact that I am still learning about all of this, and well sometimes it can be a bit difficult figuring out how to respond. I think I'm starting to figure out how to get beyond that though...

All that said, I think that excuse (new waters, getting comfortable, etc) really only works for new members. Even though I have been on for just a short time, I am discovering real quick how it all works. As Shara mentioned, we must act with charity in all things! A lot of it has also much to do with having your actions match your words. Yes, this is primarily a singles site, but that doesn't mean we completely ignore those that we aren't interested in. I do think that the "best of wishes" or "not interested" option would be helpful, although I think that the latter choice is a bit too brusque.

If someone takes the time to send you an emotigram, it's only common courtesy to return one. If nothing else happens, fine, if you gain a new friend, great, if you meet that special someone and things progress from there, then wonderful!


To Mary: I don't think you are being weird at all, and what you are saying should be common sense. :)

Pax et bonum,

Dean

Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Dean-927722 said: Well, speaking from the perspective of a newbie, there may be some trepidation in replying! I am n...
(Quote) Dean-927722 said:

Well, speaking from the perspective of a newbie, there may be some trepidation in replying! I am normally a bit quiet at first, but then can be very outgoing once I get to know someone. Add in the fact that I am still learning about all of this, and well sometimes it can be a bit difficult figuring out how to respond. I think I'm starting to figure out how to get beyond that though...

All that said, I think that excuse (new waters, getting comfortable, etc) really only works for new members. Even though I have been on for just a short time, I am discovering real quick how it all works. As Shara mentioned, we must act with charity in all things! A lot of it has also much to do with having your actions match your words. Yes, this is primarily a singles site, but that doesn't mean we completely ignore those that we aren't interested in. I do think that the "best of wishes" or "not interested" option would be helpful, although I think that the latter choice is a bit too brusque.

If someone takes the time to send you an emotigram, it's only common courtesy to return one. If nothing else happens, fine, if you gain a new friend, great, if you meet that special someone and things progress from there, then wonderful!


To Mary: I don't think you are being weird at all, and what you are saying should be common sense. :)

Pax et bonum,

Dean

--hide--



Hi Dean! I mean this in the most respectful way when I way it. When I am not interested in someone, I always pay them a compliment first and then tell them that I don't think we're a match. (Now my secret is out!) I believe there is something positive about everyone, and I take the time to read through each person's profile. I think they deserve that, if they took the time to send me an emote or message. Why not tell them that I liked this or that about them if I genuinely did, but that there are other things (I don't include anything specific) that would make us incompatible partners. Chelle

Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: There was a canned "not interested" reply in the past, but it has since b...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


There was a canned "not interested" reply in the past, but it has since been 86'ed, as many expressed feelings of being demoralized after receiving it.


I understand the feeling that a simple reply stating non-interest as being charitable, however, personally, I'd rather said person to not reply at all than waste her time sending me a message with the explicit intent of telling me that she isn't interested. That, and some people don't know how to or refuse to take a hint. Some people, you can send them a message indicating your disinterest and all that does is motivate them to continue messaging, or to send follow-up messages demanding an explanation (yes, there are those on this site!).


And don't believe the "too many messages to respond to". I do a lot of communicating on this site and I find the time to return practically every message sent to me either the same day, or within 24 hours from the time it was sent. It's really not that difficult unless you're not in the site at all. You can return an emote with a message in under 10 seconds. I don't know anyone who is too busy to give 10 seconds of their time.

--hide--


Thank you for this perspective! I see a lot of people posting in the fora about how rude it is to not respond if you are not interested, and it is totally fine if they feel that way, but I am just glad to see your perspective as well. I personally don't care if someone doesn't respond....that just signals to me that they are not interested. If someone sends something back, unless it says "Good luck with your search," I would think that meant they were interested. I have even sent the generic "Good luck" message in response thinking that was that, and they tried to continue communicating with me! Then what!? Well, anyway, this is online dating, and if some messages fizzle, that's fine...if no response, that's fine! But if someone is interested, I hope that they do communicate!!! That's how I feel about it all anyway.

Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Chelle-924354 said: Hi Dean! I mean this in the most respectful way when I way it. When I am not interes...
(Quote) Chelle-924354 said:




Hi Dean! I mean this in the most respectful way when I way it. When I am not interested in someone, I always pay them a compliment first and then tell them that I don't think we're a match. (Now my secret is out!) I believe there is something positive about everyone, and I take the time to read through each person's profile. I think they deserve that, if they took the time to send me an emote or message. Why not tell them that I liked this or that about them if I genuinely did, but that there are other things (I don't include anything specific) that would make us incompatible partners. Chelle

--hide--


That sounds like a good thing to do!

Jan 1st 2013 new

I don't think this is weird or asking too much. I think it is downright rude! Its just like if someone left you a voicemail message....they were thinking about you. Why is it so hard to respond. Very simple but some make it seem like its pulling teeth!

Jan 1st 2013 new

If I really really REALLY like someone, I'll send a message...and I don't send a second message without a response of some sort. He does my interview, I do his interview, and he does...nothing: tells me I said something he didn't like! or what have you.If he likes me enough, he will say something...even if he has to pay for a membership to do it, right?

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