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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Allison-828711 said: I think it all depends on how you view the site. If you view it as a reproduction of the real w...
(Quote) Allison-828711 said:

I think it all depends on how you view the site. If you view it as a reproduction of the real world, where everyone on it just happens to be single, then of course you should return all the smilies you get, just as you would return the smiles of people that passed you on the street. However, my view of the site is that everyone on it is searching for a potential spouse, and I feel that it could get confusing very quickly if everybody is sending mixed signals.

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Hi Allison,

This was my attitude when I first started using CM too, but i've discovered it's better to send a "thanks, but no thank you" message in reply. It helps make things clear because a none reply could me a few things and the person can move on faster.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Justin-32820 said: Hi Allison, This was my attitude when I first started using CM too, but i'...
(Quote) Justin-32820 said:


Hi Allison,

This was my attitude when I first started using CM too, but i've discovered it's better to send a "thanks, but no thank you" message in reply. It helps make things clear because a none reply could me a few things and the person can move on faster.

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Hi Justin! It is a little confusing, though, when someone sends just a smile or a generic note. It can be hard to tell, especially with a generic note, if they're just being nice (for any number of reasons) or if they're actually interested in me. Others make it clear. I always try err on the side of being polite. Chelle

Jan 2nd 2013 new

I'm with you and Mary. After so many years of choosing NOT to date while raising a daughter, the "company" I'm finding here is great, and so far it's strictly been platonic. What I can't figure out is why so many QUALITY beautiful women haven't been scooped up sooner....what's the deal with that?

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: I like a lot of the guys I see on here, in my age range and locale, but if I send an emotigram, or...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

I like a lot of the guys I see on here, in my age range and locale, but if I send an emotigram, or a message, and you can't even send a smile back, and just ignore me, it's the biggest turn off, and just rude, in my opinion. I get that you might not have a lot of time, so maybe in a few days? A few weeks? I will notice even if a few months go by. I might not reply to messages right away myself, but I always do eventually. Even if you don't have a paid membership, you can ALWAYS send a smile...you never know what kind of a difference it could make to someone who's feeling particularly down that day.

More than taking it personally, I see it as a character flaw I don't want in a person after all. Or am I being weird in this?

--hide--

Well you are a pretty young lady Mary, so I'd have to say that some guys around your age are just young and dumb. lol I know I was at that age (some would say still). Don't fret it. All the best in your search.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

If I send out a message to someone, I don't assume that they owe me a reply back or that if they don't reply they're being rude.

There are many reasons why someone won't reply;


1. They may not be a paid member. I think in the past people who hadn't paid to be a member of the site couldn't send an emote--even a blank emote. Now they can. When I wasn't a paid member at different points, I assumed I couldn't send an emote back.


2. They don't want to mislead someone into thinking they have an interest in them. I did sometimes send out a smile emote after I realized that I could do so without being a paid member. Sometimes people would respond right away with a message that I then could not read. After a few responses like that, I thought it was best to not even send a blank emote, if I wasn't able to continue the conversation. Not everyone is up on the changes in the site. They might not know that non-paying members can send a smile or that they can't read messages sent to them. At one point, I think people were able to read messages, but not respond.

Also, as Victor mentioned in an earlier post, people can take even clear replies of non-interest to be an encouragement to "try harder". There are only so many times you can say "not interested" before realizing that you have to stop replying at all.


3. Some people are married and still have a profile here. For whatever reason there can be outdated profiles on the site. I know that a couple people occasionally came up on searches, or on the home page after they were married and no longer active on the site. Who knows why their profile wasn't removed? Maybe they chose to not have notifications sent to them about messages and forgot they hadn't removed their profile. Maybe the email that they linked their profile to is one they no longer use and they've forgotten to remove their profile.


4. Sometimes there are things happening in real life, and we can't respond. When my Mom died, I was a paying member here. She died suddenly, and my Dad needed lots of care. The last thing I was worried about was replying to messages on CM. Even when things got back to a routine, I didn't have the emotional energy to respond (at times).


I've been a paying member on and off for 6 or 7 years. When I've been a paying member, there have been many instances when real life "stuff" kept me from replying to messages... I was in the process of moving both my home and studio, and didn't have the time or energy to spend on CM. After moving it took FOREVER to get internet set up at my new place. Trips to the library to use the internet were used mainly for business correspondence. When I'm prepping for a big art show, and running on little sleep, I don't have the energy to be corresponding online.


5. They may have a lot of messages to reply to and find it hard to catch up with replies. Yes, it can happen. Off and on, I've had a profile on a free site. Women can get swamped with messages when they have a profile there--especially when they're new to the site. I've had pages of messages to answer, and every time I went on the site more people would message me (it shows up somewhere that you're "new" and "online"). As I would reply to 5 or 6 messages, 10 more would come in (often from people I had just sent replies to). I had pages and pages of unanswered email within a few weeks and it took a lot of time to answer them. I put "Any good Catholic guys out there?" in my tag line, and got MANY angry messages from anti-Catholics. Lots of people sending me rude emails about the abuse that has taken place in the Catholic church. I especially tried to respond to those emails with polite messages back, but it took a LOT of time, and I didn't reply to every message.


6. Sometimes the messages don't warrant a response. Do I really need to reply to "Hey, you're cute/sexy. Wanna hook up?" ? This sort of message was more prevalent on the free site, but there have been versions of it on CM as well.


***


To sum up, we really don't know for sure if people have even received an email. If they have, they don't "owe" us anything. If they don't reply, it's not necessarily rude. You have to have a bit of a thick skin to be on online dating sites. The best experience is when you don't take yourself too seriously or make the assumption that every person's inattentiveness is a reflection of your worthiness or theirs.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

Well said, Sheila.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said:   Fair enough. That said, most people expect to receive as they give. Howeve...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

 


Fair enough. That said, most people expect to receive as they give. However, I'm just the opposite, as stated in my comment.

 

 

 

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I do respond to all messages.. At least the first timers.. Sometimes I won't respond if it's someone I've communicated with previously that I have no interest in.. Or someone who is way outside my age range.. There's one or two people that have demonstrated that if I respond they think they should step up their communication.. That's not always the desired case.


And I am 93% Phlegmatic/7% Sanguine 

Jan 2nd 2013 new

Mary, I do not fret over anyone who does not so much as to emote me back a smile. It may be rude not to respond, but at least they are not lying to me about interested in me. wink

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I do respond to all messages.. At least the first timers.. Sometimes I won't resp...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


I do respond to all messages.. At least the first timers.. Sometimes I won't respond if it's someone I've communicated with previously that I have no interest in.. Or someone who is way outside my age range.. There's one or two people that have demonstrated that if I respond they think they should step up their communication.. That's not always the desired case.


And I am 93% Phlegmatic/7% Sanguine

--hide--


I'm 100% American steel and sex appeal! wink


theheart

Jan 2nd 2013 new

laughing laughing Too funny!


I'm, hahumm, some Irish, Dutch, French, Danish, Scottish, and God only knows what else laughing

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