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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: (Quote) Tara-916865 said: I like the examples, but i...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Quote:
Tara-916865 said:


I like the examples, but isn't fantasizing about your future spouse lustful? I'm reading The Fantasy Fallacy now.


It depends on what you are fantasizing about

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I would agree it depends what you're fantasizing about. Just as obsession can be a sin and a person would be wasting time and it would lead to nowhere. For example, just as there's no sense of being obsessed about a celebrity because they're not going to come knocking on your door.

Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: Good post. I have told a few of my younger friends who are dating that love is about sa...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said:

Good post.

I have told a few of my younger friends who are dating that love is about sacrifce. You put the greater good of the other ahead of yourself. That greater good is their moral welfare, spiritual welfare, health and financial welfare. You would do nothing to lead them into sin.
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Amen! thumbsup Just as love is unselfish. When you love someone, you love that person as much as you would respect yourself.

Jan 18th 2013 new

I'd always believe the lust of a man and woman would be temporary but the love of a man and woman would be forever. Just as beauty and wealth fade but the inner self never does. However it's okay to be attracted to someone because of their looks as long as you want to get to know that person on the inside. Relationships never go perfect so love is caring for the person in good times and in bad.

Jan 18th 2013 new

Reminds me of a quote from either Dear Abby or Ann Landers (don't recall which one):

"Lust is when you want to 'do it' even when you don't want to be with each other. Love is when you want to be with each other even when you don't want to 'do it'."

Jan 18th 2013 new

One thing that has been helpful for me in understanding the distinction is Joh Paul the II's understanding of love. He says the opposite of love is not hate, it is use. I think lust is when we use another person for some end, whether for physical or emotional satisfaction. People are an end in themselves and should never be used as a means to some other end.

Dr. Edward Sri's book Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love (which is based on JPII's Love and Responsibility) has one of the best treatments of this topic I've ever seen. It not only addresses the tendency to use people physically, but also how we (perhaps more of a struggle for women?) use people emotionally, fantasizing about them meeting our emotional needs.

The book was one of the best on the subject of human love, delving into how to love a person for who they are and accept them as gift. Here is the amazon link if anyone is interested: www.amazon.com

Jan 18th 2013 new
Great topic Tom! And Sarah thanks for the book recommendation, I've heard some of Dr. Sri's lectures but haven't had the chance to read that book yet....AWESOME....another book to add to my T.O.B. Library!!
Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Sarah-901988 said: One thing that has been helpful for me in understanding the distinction is Joh Paul the II's ...
(Quote) Sarah-901988 said:

One thing that has been helpful for me in understanding the distinction is Joh Paul the II's understanding of love. He says the opposite of love is not hate, it is use. I think lust is when we use another person for some end, whether for physical or emotional satisfaction. People are an end in themselves and should never be used as a means to some other end.

Dr. Edward Sri's book Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love (which is based on JPII's Love and Responsibility) has one of the best treatments of this topic I've ever seen. It not only addresses the tendency to use people physically, but also how we (perhaps more of a struggle for women?) use people emotionally, fantasizing about them meeting our emotional needs.

The book was one of the best on the subject of human love, delving into how to love a person for who they are and accept them as gift. Here is the amazon link if anyone is interested: www.amazon.com

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Interesting! But we all have needs--emotional needs. A person needs society, community, friendship, so we seek others to fill that need of ours. Is that "using" people? If a person has a need to give to others...is that "using"? Where does the scrutiny end? (or is it scrupulosity?)

Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: Interesting! But we all have needs--emotional needs. A person needs society, community, friendship...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

Interesting! But we all have needs--emotional needs. A person needs society, community, friendship, so we seek others to fill that need of ours. Is that "using" people? If a person has a need to give to others...is that "using"? Where does the scrutiny end? (or is it scrupulosity?)

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Good point Lina. I certainly wasn't implying that we should never give and receive from one another. We are made in the image of a triune God - we are made for community!

This article by Edward Sri (author of the book I mentioned) explains a bit more the distinction I was trying to make: www.integratedcatholiclife.org If you scroll down to the section "Loving or Using?" it has some clearer examples. I like how he emphasizes seeing/loving the whole person, not just certain attributes that benefit us in some way.

Here is another useful article by him with similar themes: www.integratedcatholiclife.org

Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Tom-432657 said: Way's to know the difference with my Lust:
(Quote) Tom-432657 said:

Way's to know the difference with my

Lust: Only thinking about yourself like only caring about your hopes and dreams. Showing interest in only what the person looks like and he/she can give you. Attitude of lust is "What can you do for me?".

Love: Making sacrifices for that person and not only think for yourself. You love the person with your whole mind, heart, body, and soul. Attitude for love is "What can I do for you?".

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Agreed! thumbsup









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Jan 19th 2013 new
Going through my experience, I've learned a smart good looking woman would not want to marry a man if all he cares about is her looks. It's like I said looks fade as time goes by. Just as about money, if I was a wealthy man, I wouldn't want a woman that will marry me strictly for that. Even wealth fades away.
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