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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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01/03/2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: I was wondering what are the rules of engagement for dating in the Catholic church. What is co...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

I was wondering what are the rules of engagement for dating in the Catholic church. What is considered exceptable and not?

For example:

When traveling do we have to get two seperate rooms or sleeping on two seperate beds okay?

Or what are the rules of physical intimacy (obviously sex is out of the question) but what about making out?

Or any random things that a non practicing Catholic would take for granted...

Thank you!

--hide--

My guess is you already know the answer and are asking in hope someone will tell you you're wrong. Sadly, there are some who will, but you are better off listening to your conscience.

Keep in mind that the ultimate goal is to preserve your purity and that of the person you are dating. Not just the purity of the body, but also of the mind and the soul. If you've sinned against purity in the past, you don't want to do so any more. Keep in mind that these sins are not just breaking some arbitrary rule -- each and every one contributes to Jesus' suffering while He lived on earth and they offend God now. While we can't avoid every temptation in life, we do want to (and are obligated to) avoid those we can by not putting ourselves in situations we know will lead to them. Thus, no sleeping in the same room (separate beds or not) and no "making out."

Some will tell you that only immature people can't control themselves, with the implication being in the midst of the temptation. In reality, the spiritually mature person no more voluntarily walks into the temptation of sexual passion than a mature person would stand in the middle of a freeway or walk into a burning building for the sake of some passing thrills. Just because you've resisted before doesn't mean you'll be able to resist this time. Each time you ignore your conscience and willfully play chicken with Satan, you make it that much harder to hear your conscience the next time; you erode the walls protecting your soul. You conscience may not go silent, the walls may not fall this time, then next time, or the time after that. But eventually they will.

Moral theology teaches that it is a grave sin to willfully place ourselves in temptation of grave sin without just cause, and that if we unexpectedly find ourselves in a situation of temptation then we must immediately remove ourselves from the source. It doesn't matter if we think we can, or even if we do, continue and resist the temptations.

The best way to think of sin is not as a check-list of things to avoid or a line in the sand not to cross, but as something to turn and run away from. Is this easy? No, but the more we do it the more graces we receive and the easier it becomes. Conversely, the more we play with fire, the harder it is to stop the next time.

01/03/2013 new

(Quote) Pamela-577899 said: Hahahaha Donna.
(Quote) Pamela-577899 said:

Hahahaha Donna.

--hide--

No, it is not hilarious in any way, shape or form. A young lady asked a serious question and she deserves serious responses. Souls are at risk, and you are laughing?

01/03/2013 new

Hey Patricia,

You should check out the blog article in the blog section entittled "Physical Bounderies", I thought it was a good read. Also, do check out Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West. It talks about what is at the very heart of being a man or woman,why God made us as we are and why we desire relationship to name a few of the topics.

01/03/2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: I am appauled by your answer. You just insinuated vulgar language. I am asking a viable questi...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

I am appauled by your answer. You just insinuated vulgar language. I am asking a viable question. I am looking to adhire to the rules of the Catholic church. How can you write me off like that? Not very Catholic sir. I would recommend talking to a Priest about your attitude. You could of given me better insight of Chasity for an example would of been a better response. I would recommend you go pray about this.

--hide--

I thought I was answering your question. It reminded me of a discussion in Religion and Sex Class when I was 14-yo in a coed Catholic HS in 1958, and the question was "How far can we go until it becomes a mortal sin?"

A similar dscussion was in the 1968 movie "Yours, Mine and Ours" (think that won Oscars) starring Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball (in a serious role).

I pray quite a bit ... about a lot of things. Thank you - Bob

01/03/2013 new

Thank you Ray. You've said many good things in CM Topics.

01/03/2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: I'd say a person's "Rules of Engagement for Dating" that includes making-out is not a good prospect...
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

I'd say a person's "Rules of Engagement for Dating" that includes making-out is not a good prospect. Makes me wonder how free she's been w/ the "x" number of men she's dated?

How [...] is that going to help discern finding a spouse who can live w/ you in ALL the other requirements of a marriage? ..caring about the other's Soul & getting to Heaven, raising children, praying together, taking care of aging parents, finances, oh no, the water heater just busted, and my car broke down in the middle of an icestorm....

Please send me a woman who understands Chastity, and can share spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally in building a relationship.

--hide--

Good points, Bob. I'll take it one step further and point out that not only does the pre-marital physical intimacy (at whatever level it might be) not only not help in this regard, most times it distracts us from the proper discernment of the relationship. How many people decide to marry based primarily on the "chemistry" or whether they feel good with the person?

The sad truth can be found in the divorce and annulment statistics. While one might be tempted to blame divorces on things that hapened after the marriage, the same can't be said for annulments, which are only granted when a marriage was invalid at its inception. Something has clearly gone wrong in the process of selecting our marital partners. We can't expect to keep doing things the same way and get different results.

 

01/03/2013 new

Thanks! I will look into this. God Bless!

01/03/2013 new

(Quote) Christina-618826 said: Hey Patricia, You should check out the blog article in the blog section entittled &qu...
(Quote) Christina-618826 said:

Hey Patricia,

You should check out the blog article in the blog section entittled "Physical Bounderies", I thought it was a good read. Also, do check out Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West. It talks about what is at the very heart of being a man or woman,why God made us as we are and why we desire relationship to name a few of the topics.

--hide--
Greetings, Christina -- and welcome to the CM forums. Just guessing that you've been browsing during your membership and have decided to join us. We hope you will participate often.

I'm sure Patricia will appreciate your reference to the blog article "Physical Boundaries". Thanks for mentioning it. biggrin

01/03/2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Calm down, Patricia. Bob has demonstrated a great deal of common sense and knowledge during his tim...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Calm down, Patricia. Bob has demonstrated a great deal of common sense and knowledge during his time in the forums. He was attempting to impart knowledge and his thoughts and what he said has merit. He is speaking from a man of faith point of view. It seems you are looking for a specific list of "do's" and "don't's", as if it were a checklist.

The accusations that he "not very Catholic"; the recommendations that he should be "talking to a Priest" and "go pray about this" are uncalled for.

By the age of 27, people have had enough religious education (or at least should have) to be able to have an informed conscience. If your catechesis is lacking, you may need to get a fresh start with the basics.

As a newer CM member, we welcome you, and are glad you are coming to the forums. However, this is meant to be a place to share wisdom, knowledge and experience. Personal attacks and condescending remarks are not appropriate.

Just a suggestion -- browse through other topics, or look up some individuals' posting history where you can gain some insight about the people whom you are addressing. A good place to start would be with Bob.

--hide--

Well I'm not sure if you have noticed the MTV generation? Have you seen Jersey shore? Majority of young adults regardless of their faith whether it be Jewish, Catholic, etc have been brainwashed. How many 20 somethings go to your church out of free will? I'm in the minority. I am also the only one under 50 going to daily mass. What you consider "By the age of 27, people have had enough religious education" is a falacy. I know my Jewish friends are going through the same thing. Some of us haven't gone to private religious school. Some of us have had to go on our own for spiritual guidance and seek the word of God. Once again, you need to understand what is fundamentally happening to my generation to understand what I'm coming from. I am honestly asking for direction and help and I am getting nothing but holier than thou responses.

01/03/2013 new

(Quote) Christina-618826 said: Hey Patricia, You should check out the blog article in the blog section entittled &qu...
(Quote) Christina-618826 said:

Hey Patricia,

You should check out the blog article in the blog section entittled "Physical Bounderies", I thought it was a good read. Also, do check out Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West. It talks about what is at the very heart of being a man or woman,why God made us as we are and why we desire relationship to name a few of the topics.

--hide--

Thank you!

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