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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Pamela-577899 said: If you are following the church teachings then you already no what is wrong. As for ...
(Quote) Pamela-577899 said:




If you are following the church teachings then you already no what is wrong. As for being grown up enough to control your self while traveling get two rooms travel with others to be safe. Yet , I have myself traveled with guys and we have due to lack of money gotten one room and 2 beds but in the end those guys are just very good friends with me at the time they were more than that but very respectful. making out is alright as long as you don't get too hot . I kissing is not at all a bad thing but you both need to talk about this stuff before engaging in it . Communicate with each other, take your time with with each other as well. Just my 2 cents.

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Well frankly isn't temptation a state of mind?

For example if I'm going camping and sharing a tent with someone I'm dating. Say this tent is really big. We are both sleeping on the extreme opposite sides. What if there is not lust or mental temptation. It's literally sleeping in a tent. Would you consider that bad? Also I travel often and with one of my good guy friends. We typically to save costs get double beds. We are not attracted to eachother and we practically consider eachother family (as in sibling relationship). Is that considered bad?

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: Well frankly isn't temptation a state of mind? For example if I&#...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Well frankly isn't temptation a state of mind?

For example if I'm going camping and sharing a tent with someone I'm dating. Say this tent is really big. We are both sleeping on the extreme opposite sides. What if there is not lust or mental temptation. It's literally sleeping in a tent. Would you consider that bad? Also I travel often and with one of my good guy friends. We typically to save costs get double beds. We are not attracted to eachother and we practically consider eachother family (as in sibling relationship). Is that considered bad?

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Dear Paricia ,


If you play with matches long enough you eventually get burned !!

Great book out there that addresss's all your questions and concerns . Just emote me if interested

Casey

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: Well I'm not sure if you have noticed the MTV generation? Have you seen Jersey shore? Majo...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Well I'm not sure if you have noticed the MTV generation? Have you seen Jersey shore? Majority of young adults regardless of their faith whether it be Jewish, Catholic, etc have been brainwashed. How many 20 somethings go to your church out of free will? I'm in the minority. I am also the only one under 50 going to daily mass. What you consider "By the age of 27, people have had enough religious education" is a falacy. I know my Jewish friends are going through the same thing. Some of us haven't gone to private religious school. Some of us have had to go on our own for spiritual guidance and seek the word of God. Once again, you need to understand what is fundamentally happening to my generation to understand what I'm coming from. I am honestly asking for direction and help and I am getting nothing but holier than thou responses.

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Yes, many have had inadequate religious formation and been brainwashed by the secular culture. Not only in your generation, but several before yours. In many cases even our priests have played a role by failing to address sin and morality, so that even those who still go to Mass regularly have received little, if any guidance. Other faiths are even further adrift, having embraced grave sins such as contraception, abortion, and same-sex relationships and marriage. Fortunately, this is changing in some places -- but there is still a long way to go.

You've made the right choice by reaching out and looking for answers. Forums like this are a good place to start, but it's important not to stop here. The Church is the final authority. Use what you find here to dig deeper and understand what the Church really teaches (which is not always the same as what individuals within the Church, including some priests and nuns teach).

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: My guess is you already know the answer and are asking in hope someone will tell you you&...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

My guess is you already know the answer and are asking in hope someone will tell you you're wrong. Sadly, there are some who will, but you are better off listening to your conscience.

Keep in mind that the ultimate goal is to preserve your purity and that of the person you are dating. Not just the purity of the body, but also of the mind and the soul. If you've sinned against purity in the past, you don't want to do so any more. Keep in mind that these sins are not just breaking some arbitrary rule -- each and every one contributes to Jesus' suffering while He lived on earth and they offend God now. While we can't avoid every temptation in life, we do want to (and are obligated to) avoid those we can by not putting ourselves in situations we know will lead to them. Thus, no sleeping in the same room (separate beds or not) and no "making out."

Some will tell you that only immature people can't control themselves, with the implication being in the midst of the temptation. In reality, the spiritually mature person no more voluntarily walks into the temptation of sexual passion than a mature person would stand in the middle of a freeway or walk into a burning building for the sake of some passing thrills. Just because you've resisted before doesn't mean you'll be able to resist this time. Each time you ignore your conscience and willfully play chicken with Satan, you make it that much harder to hear your conscience the next time; you erode the walls protecting your soul. You conscience may not go silent, the walls may not fall this time, then next time, or the time after that. But eventually they will.

Moral theology teaches that it is a grave sin to willfully place ourselves in temptation of grave sin without just cause, and that if we unexpectedly find ourselves in a situation of temptation then we must immediately remove ourselves from the source. It doesn't matter if we think we can, or even if we do, continue and resist the temptations.

The best way to think of sin is not as a check-list of things to avoid or a line in the sand not to cross, but as something to turn and run away from. Is this easy? No, but the more we do it the more graces we receive and the easier it becomes. Conversely, the more we play with fire, the harder it is to stop the next time.

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Well said and thank you! God bless!

I'm not trying to push any limit but I'm also making sure I cover my grounds. There a lot of people who are under false assumptions. Prior to getting involved in a relationship I want to make sure I know what I'm doing.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Casey-637092 said: Dear Paricia ,If you play with matches long enough you eventually get bur...
(Quote) Casey-637092 said:




Dear Paricia ,


If you play with matches long enough you eventually get burned !!

Great book out there that addresss's all your questions and concerns . Just emote me if interested

Casey

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What is the name of the book? And the author's name? I'm not about playing with matches. Thanks.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: That's why I'm asking. And you don't want to do anything questionable! If anyone h...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

That's why I'm asking. And you don't want to do anything questionable! If anyone has a good book or site that further outlines this. It would be greatly apprecitated!

God Bless!

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:) Jason Evert is a great speaker/author on chastity. Also, check out http://www.chastity.com. I guess what you're really asking is what is moral during dating, since nothing should change PHYSICALLY when you're engaged... wink


Basically, anything that is purposefully arousing is a sin. Definitely, no base-playing... nope, not even 1st! Some will say French kissing is a mortal sin because it's purposefully arousing, but others will just "discourage" it, like Jason Evert. Most likely, though, it will be a trigger (I know it is for me, but some women say it's not at all), so it's better not to do it. Kissing shouldn't be an "activity". It should be an expression of love (or "like" lol).


I know... you think, well, I like this person, so I'm aroused by them. Well, that's not sinful if it's just a natural reaction. Like one CM guy (and virgin who practices chastity) told me, "If I like a girl, I'm going to naturally be aroused if she's near me." However, he's not pushing the line like, "Let's see how far until you push me over the edge." Sexual attraction is healthy and good, but when it turns to lust, it's wrong and mortally sinful. Joshua Harris (non-denominational Christian) has a good book on this called Sex Isn't the Problem (Lust Is) - formally entitled Not Even a Hint. I've read it several times to clarify things for myself.

Hope this helps!

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Tara-916865 said: :) Jason Evert is a great speaker/author on chastity. Also, check out http://www.ch...
(Quote) Tara-916865 said:


:) Jason Evert is a great speaker/author on chastity. Also, check out http://www.chastity.com. I guess what you're really asking is what is moral during dating, since nothing should change PHYSICALLY when you're engaged...


Basically, anything that is purposefully arousing is a sin. Definitely, no base-playing... nope, not even 1st! Some will say French kissing is a mortal sin because it's purposefully arousing, but others will just "discourage" it, like Jason Evert. Most likely, though, it will be a trigger (I know it is for me, but some women say it's not at all), so it's better not to do it. Kissing shouldn't be an "activity". It should be an expression of love (or "like" lol).


I know... you think, well, I like this person, so I'm aroused by them. Well, that's not sinful if it's just a natural reaction. Like one CM guy (and virgin who practices chastity) told me, "If I like a girl, I'm going to naturally be aroused if she's near me." However, he's not pushing the line like, "Let's see how far until you push me over the edge." Sexual attraction is healthy and good, but when it turns to lust, it's wrong and mortally sinful. Joshua Harris (non-denominational Christian) has a good book on this called Sex Isn't the Problem (Lust Is) - formally entitled Not Even a Hint. I've read it several times to clarify things for myself.

Hope this helps!

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Thank you Tara! They are all going on my kindle ASAP! :)

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: What is the name of the book? And the author's name? I'm not about p...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

What is the name of the book? And the author's name? I'm not about playing with matches. Thanks.

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Christian
Courtship in an Oversexed World: by Father Thomas G. Morrow , can be purchased online through Amazon





Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: Well frankly isn't temptation a state of mind? For example if I'm going camping...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Well frankly isn't temptation a state of mind?

For example if I'm going camping and sharing a tent with someone I'm dating. Say this tent is really big. We are both sleeping on the extreme opposite sides. What if there is not lust or mental temptation. It's literally sleeping in a tent. Would you consider that bad? Also I travel often and with one of my good guy friends. We typically to save costs get double beds. We are not attracted to eachother and we practically consider eachother family (as in sibling relationship). Is that considered bad?

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There are two issues with both situations. One is scandal. Someone knowing of these arrangements but not knowing all the details might get the impression that it is OK to do the same in circumstances where there is a greater risk of temptation.

The second is that not all temptation is anticipated. Being on opposite sides of a tent is still in fairly close proximity. With someone you're dating there is a much higher probability of one person or the other being tempted at some point than in the second situation you describe. Say an extremely heave rain storm develops and you're stuck int he tent together for several hours, or even the better part of a day. Such things can start off rather innocently and gradually creep up on you. Even if you had two tents, there is a very significant risk here. A better solution is to find a group of women to go camping with.

Even with the platonic friend, there is a risk that one or the other may be tempted at some point. While it may not seem like much risk from our perspective, try looking at it from the perspective of pleasing God rather than how to accomplish our desires: then the question becomes why travel alone with a male with the potential risks to purity involved in such?

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: Thank you Tara! They are all going on my kindle ASAP! :)
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Thank you Tara! They are all going on my kindle ASAP! :)

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It's funny you mention the Kindle. I was at lunch with a friend, and she mistakenly reached for my purse. Then she was like, That can't be MY purse. It's too heavy. Later, I was talking stuff out, and I take out my Kindle Touch. laughing She's like, Are you serious?


PS - I'll message you some good books. I have a TON!

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