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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in th...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--

When it comes to making choices in life, I'm nuturing my son's to make the best decisions they can, and understand that sometimes we (all) make less than optimal choices. We accept the consqeunces, learn, and move forward.


When it comes to questions on morality, I will make the decisions for them, if it comes to that...."Dad says!"

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in th...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--
Your home -- your rules!!!

Away from home? More difficult to control, but your son is still not an adult, so again, you are entitled to exercise your parental rights and set down rules.

Away from home? Easier said than done. You can have talks with him to make sure he understands there are consequences to his actions. If he has had sound teaching in moral behavior, it should be easier for him to understand.

Jan 5th 2013 new
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.



So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.



I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--


The bed is sacred space (even if they sleep on the couch) and should be honored as such. Sleeping together,even when fully clothed, places both parties in a situation of vulnerability that is reserved only for marriage, and that vulnerability is not just sex. If your son honors his girlfriend, he would never place her in a near occasion of sin. And in spite of his best intentions, that is exactly what he is doing.

Good luck
Jan 5th 2013 new

I have to say thank you for this thread. It prepared me for what I needed to say to my own son last night. I came home from work and found my neighbor, a very pretty girl two years older than him, sitting on the bed playing Xbox. It was innocent, but I told both of them my house rule about no one of the opposite sex is allowed in their rooms when I'm not home. Of course, it led to a full discussion later with my son. Is that a God thing or what?

Jan 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Joyce-844872 said: First: No Second: Nothing wrong with the moral finger, just check the birth r...
(Quote) Joyce-844872 said:

First: No


Second: Nothing wrong with the moral finger, just check the birth rates to single women.


Third: Talking to a son. The bedroom is our most personal place on the planet and is part of the bigger personal structure called home. Sleeping is the most vulnerable time for anyone relaxing the mind and body. Part of caring for his girlfriend is a natural mutual physical attraction and spending the night together is placing both in a very tempting situation. Why is he wanting to toy with his own desires by putting himself in a situation to tell himself no, no, no. Their desire too to spend the night together naturally conflicts with an honest intent of "nothing will happen" (the mind and body at its most relaxed state, makes NO MORE difficult).


If all that fails a good Catholic guilt trip, women carry the consequences of whoops more heavily than men whether it is social, medical, or emotional. Does he care enough about her to stay outside personal space and time? Many a modern day man has been introduced to an adult son he never knew even existed.. I hope this helps.

--hide--


Agree on 1, 2 and 3. Bedrooms are always off limits in my house, there are enough open spaces for being together. But then I didn't allow TVs or computers in the bedroom either. (House rules)

Regarding a Catholic Guilt trip, I think the personality of the person needs to be taken into account. That can do some serious harm from what I have seen.

Jan 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: Like Kathy said. He/She who pays the bills makes the rules, period.
(Quote) Peter-449116 said:

Like Kathy said. He/She who pays the bills makes the rules, period.

--hide--
Exactly, if they want to make adult decisions they need to have all the adult responsibilities along with them - including getting an apartment and paying their own way. [still not saying living together is ok - obviously it is not]

Jan 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in th...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--
Raise the moral finger with a resounding "NO"! It is too risky. My two cents.

Jan 5th 2013 new
(Quote) Nilda-834707 said: Raise the moral finger with a resounding "NO"! It is too risky. My .
(Quote) Nilda-834707 said:

Raise the moral finger with a resounding "NO"! It is too risky. My .

--hide--


YES! What is wrong with the "moral finger" anyway? Kids today are severely lacking without it.
Jan 5th 2013 new
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said: Agree on 1, 2 and 3. Bedrooms are always off limits in my house, there are enough open spaces for b...
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said:



Agree on 1, 2 and 3. Bedrooms are always off limits in my house, there are enough open spaces for being together. But then I didn't allow TVs or computers in the bedroom either. (House rules)

Regarding a Catholic Guilt trip, I think the personality of the person needs to be taken into account. That can do some serious harm from what I have seen.

--hide--


Bedroom off limits? No TV or computers in the rooms? A parent in charge! You rock!
Jan 5th 2013 new

Thanks everyone for your reply on this. I really appreciate this.

I just want to put it straight: I am a strict mother and also I value the morals and do lift my moral finger. BUT I also think that the young people should not only be confronted with rules and consequences but much more understand the moral part of the various "no's" by heart. If they finaly understand the reason behind these "no's", then following these rules should be a desire which comes out from their hearts.

If one just holds up the red moral flag we shouldn't wonder when our kids turn their backs towards their home because the want to life their newly archieved "freedom" the minute they turn adulds (by law) ...

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