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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: The bed is sacred space (even if they sleep on the couch) and should be honored as such. Sleepi...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said:

The bed is sacred space (even if they sleep on the couch) and should be honored as such. Sleeping together,even when fully clothed, places both parties in a situation of vulnerability that is reserved only for marriage, and that vulnerability is not just sex. If your son honors his girlfriend, he would never place her in a near occasion of sin. And in spite of his best intentions, that is exactly what he is doing.

Good luck
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Joanna, this is a good way to explain. Thank you!

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I have to say thank you for this thread. It prepared me for what I needed to say to my own son la...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:

I have to say thank you for this thread. It prepared me for what I needed to say to my own son last night. I came home from work and found my neighbor, a very pretty girl two years older than him, sitting on the bed playing Xbox. It was innocent, but I told both of them my house rule about no one of the opposite sex is allowed in their rooms when I'm not home. Of course, it led to a full discussion later with my son. Is that a God thing or what?

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I find it so helpful and profitable to hear/read the insights or to get tips from other catholic members. This is what CM makes it so attractive for me.

A big hug to all of you hug rose

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in th...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--



Just let them know the rules right away & when they become adults they'll remember why you had those rules. In my teenage years I grew up "feeling" that I wasn't allowed to bring a gal that I liked over to my parent's home. I only broke the rule once when I lived with them because the gal followed me back to my parent's house. Unfortunately, she didn't tell her mother where she was going & I got in big trouble that I trusted her too much. Honesty between people builds healthy relationships in my opinion.

01/05/2013 new

Go to Toys R Us and buy one of those baby dolls that cries alot. Then get some inexpensive pampers. Put them on his bed and ask him if he knows what that is. If he looks at you quizzically, let him know that he's going to need to practice if he's adult enough, mature enough, ready for a life commitment with the girl, and ready for the possibility of being a daddy - right now, today.

That will make an impression.

Then, get him to a Theology of the Body class or get the workbook for teens ASAP.

Good luck and God's speed! crossfingers

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Meredith-924161 said: Go to Toys R Us and buy one of those baby dolls that cries alot. Then get some inexpensive pam...
(Quote) Meredith-924161 said:

Go to Toys R Us and buy one of those baby dolls that cries alot. Then get some inexpensive pampers. Put them on his bed and ask him if he knows what that is. If he looks at you quizzically, let him know that he's going to need to practice if he's adult enough, mature enough, ready for a life commitment with the girl, and ready for the possibility of being a daddy - right now, today.

That will make an impression.

Then, get him to a Theology of the Body class or get the workbook for teens ASAP.

Good luck and God's speed!

--hide--


LOL! I would like to add that going to public places where there are babies crying with your teenage child will for sure give them a reality shock laughing.

01/05/2013 new
Andrea,

When I want to teach my confirmation students about some of those issues I use the our father. At the end it says (lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil...). I tell them God is always protecting us, but we need to protect ourselves. If I go walking at midnight in a dangerous area or neighborhood and something bad happens to me, it is my fault. I made that decision. If they sleep in the same bed temptation might win and the only 100% accurate birth control is abstinence, so 9 months later, they might be surprise. It is a consequence of their actions. You are his mother and you want the best for him, he would like to go to college and do all this wonderful things in life. If he has a baby at this age, he won't be able to do those things.
01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in th...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--


Hi Andrea!

I think it is so great that you not only want to uphold the moral values of the Catholic church in your house but also want to give your son the WHY. I will never forget my mother telling me "Because I'm the parent and your the child"... well... sorry mom... but this isn't good enough. I am a person that needs the why! I'll do what you say... and follow your rules when I'm under your roof... but why insult me by not giving me the why?!?!


I hope that this will help in your explaination: Crystalina Evert (Jason Evert's wife. The man who wrote one of the most famous commentaries of Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body) states in the video I've posted below: "Theology of the Body gives us the reasons behind the rules. It shows us that we don't have ignore my desires or your desires for love. On the contrary, it leads us to the truth and clarity instead of confusion."


www.youtube.com


Also in this video you can find Mary Beth Bonacci who says "Sexual activity among young people is driven by a hunger for love. And reciting rules doesn't help. It doesn't touch them." Although Andrea you may have raised an excellent son who will follow any rule that you place upon him... if you're looking to really open the door for God to change his heart... the research shows that you will have to touch him in a different way than by just laying down the law. (I'm not saying that the law shouldn't be laid down!!! Don't get me wrong! But I think there is something to the fact that you want your son to know the reason WHY).


Even if you don't show your son this video... it can be a good starting point for your discussion with him. It might help even if you research TOB for Teens ... it can give you some pointers or ways to explain the importance not only of physical chastity, but also EMOTIONAL chastity which is often forgotten. If you follow the link above, you can also find more Theology of the Body links to the right... some of these may also help you in your explaination.

I hope this helps! I will be praying for your conversation and hope that your son's heart will be open to God's will in his life!

01/05/2013 new

Forgot the TOB website too.... thetheologyofthebody.com


There are a TON of great resources on there including downloadable information and many more videos!


God Bless you Andrea!

01/06/2013 new

(Quote) Emily-380294 said: (Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his gir...
(Quote) Emily-380294 said:

Quote:
Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!



Hi Andrea!

I think it is so great that you not only want to uphold the moral values of the Catholic church in your house but also want to give your son the WHY. I will never forget my mother telling me "Because I'm the parent and your the child"... well... sorry mom... but this isn't good enough. I am a person that needs the why! I'll do what you say... and follow your rules when I'm under your roof... but why insult me by not giving me the why?!?!


I hope that this will help in your explaination: Crystalina Evert (Jason Evert's wife. The man who wrote one of the most famous commentaries of Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body) states in the video I've posted below: "Theology of the Body gives us the reasons behind the rules. It shows us that we don't have ignore my desires or your desires for love. On the contrary, it leads us to the truth and clarity instead of confusion."


www.youtube.com


Also in this video you can find Mary Beth Bonacci who says "Sexual activity among young people is driven by a hunger for love. And reciting rules doesn't help. It doesn't touch them." Although Andrea you may have raised an excellent son who will follow any rule that you place upon him... if you're looking to really open the door for God to change his heart... the research shows that you will have to touch him in a different way than by just laying down the law. (I'm not saying that the law shouldn't be laid down!!! Don't get me wrong! But I think there is something to the fact that you want your son to know the reason WHY).


Even if you don't show your son this video... it can be a good starting point for your discussion with him. It might help even if you research TOB for Teens ... it can give you some pointers or ways to explain the importance not only of physical chastity, but also EMOTIONAL chastity which is often forgotten. If you follow the link above, you can also find more Theology of the Body links to the right... some of these may also help you in your explaination.

I hope this helps! I will be praying for your conversation and hope that your son's heart will be open to God's will in his life!

--hide--


It's my first time seeing a video talking about Theology of the Body for Teens even though I graduated from a Catholic High School. I agree that when the teenager says "why" that the parents must be open to explaining to help them understand. A simple "no" isn't going to do much for the child. I remember when I was growing up & hearing my fellow classmates talk about similar topics. Sometimes, the answers I hear that are provided by their parents is a simple no. It's no surprise to me that some teenagers ignored what their parents are saying to them because all they got was a "no" as the answer. A teenager is not considered an adult for a reason therefore a simple "no" isn't going to suffice as the answer to their question of "why." I'm no parent to provided such advices but being a young adult and been living a few years now away from my family that I find myself being grateful for my parents always answering my "why" questions eyebrow!

01/06/2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: Kathy, I am putting the house rules, BUT I think it is important not t...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

Kathy, I am putting the house rules, BUT I think it is important not to just say “NO”, but to have the Kids understand the WHY.

--hide--



Part of one of the forms of the Act of Contrition prayed in confession has a line that says "lead us not into temptation." Staying the night would lead to temptation. The newness of the relationship wears off and boundaries are weakened. Mortal sin sometimes come in yes's to small venial sins which eventually lead up to mortal sin which is what you are wanting to avoid.

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