Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 6th 2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Jake, How are things at Federation Square today? Glad that Green Moon kept the
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Jake,

How are things at Federation Square today? Glad that Green Moon kept the Melbourne Cup in The Lucky Country this year.

Your reply dealt with my question in, at most, an indirect way. My question was about your trust in your own judgements about whether you have or have not come to know another person very well.

Let give some examples. If you have no training in medicine, you will probably not trust the reliability of your judgments about the medical conditions of people except in glaringly obvious instances such as a person's bleeding profusely after being bashed by a car. There are probably other areas of life where you think that your judgments are very good without ever being infinitely exact.

Far from Birrarung Marr Park,

John

--hide--


I think it takes time to learn about another person. Everyone has their own unique opinions of us and others. Many see President Obama as great while others not so very great. I think it is about our perceptions and what our core belief values are. Many people would love to hang out with someone that drinks and parties and would say they are wonderful people. Me being more quiet reserved and spiritual would rather have that kind of person to hang around. But Jesus does call us to love everyone, even the sinner. So I think when we are able to distinguish between good and bad and to change ourselves for the better, than things can get better.

In a relationship we would hope to find someone that is trying to help us be more Christ Like ... If that is the goal.. I think I can be good friends and trust that person but knowing there will be times we fall short. Forgive and move on. I hope that helps.

Peace and prayers,
Kathleen Praying

ps also remember there will always be people that don't like us no matter what because they have different values.. We need to pray for them...

God Bless ! theheart

Jan 6th 2013 new
John,

It is hard to know other people completely. There are couples who after 20's or 30's years of marriage they do not know everything about one another. They have lived with each other day in and day out, but for one reason or another they have kept a piece of information from one another. This information was needed before because it was not important, now that things are coming to the surface, the other spouse knows about it. I think that after so many years of marriage if it is not something that will hurt themselves or their family it should not matter.

It is important to know the person's relative and friends before going to the altar. They might share some of the information that your spouse is hesitant to share with you. This type of information is helpful because it will help you decide your future with that person.

When we are in the feelings of being in love, we are blind and death. This is a very dangerous stage because we make life decisions that will affect us for the rest of our lives. These decisions need to be made in a rational state.
Jan 7th 2013 new

Hi Shara,

Thanks for your thoughts. Your answer was to a question different from any of mine. Your reply would be fitting for an inquiry about which foundational spiritual practices would help in many areas of life, one of which could be increasing the the accuracy of your judgment about whether you have really come to know this or that particular person. Also there are of course some natural practices that need to accompany the spiritual ones because "grace builds on nature".

Wondering why people are not only writing their own answers, but also inventing the questions to which they are replying, scratchchin

John

Jan 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I have to allow myself time to get to know people. It is when I try to ignore the feeling...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



I have to allow myself time to get to know people. It is when I try to ignore the feelings of concern after knowing them a bit and give someone the benefit of the doubt that I get into trouble. I tend to not judge on first impressions as I have been wrong many times. I need to know a person's heart and feel confident in that.

Some scenarios...I worked for a boss that belittled and yelled frequently at his employees. He focused only on his success and could care less about his employees. I left his employment on good terms, thanking him for the opportunities, etc. Years later he wanted me to come back and work for him again at a new company he'd started. I hesitated and at first refused knowing how his behavior affected me before. He sent a mutual friend to try to convince me who insisted this man had changed. I wanted to believe it, in fact I had prayed for his conversion. I accepted the job and soon discovered that he was much worse than ever.


A homeless man had moved into my neighbor's house and was going to live there when they left for a mission trip. I initially questioned his intentions and worried that these kind-hearted people would be taken advantage of. After getting to know this man, and witnessing his unselfishness and desire to help anyone that he could, I knew my suspicions were unmerited. He is a definite angel.

What's the saying about fools rushing in? That would be me.

--hide--
Hi Kathy,

Thanks for relating some of your experiences. You seem to be saying that you judge about people by your gut feeling, but not by your first gut impression because you give the process some time.

That boss seemed to have been one that fit the adage, "the leopard doesn't change his spots", at least if I understand the message intended by those words, which is doubtful given my spotty familiarity with proverbs of that kind. laughing

The story about the homeless man who turned out to be a gift was uplifting and not only because he didn't "lift" anything. laughing

Trying to learn to discern to turn off the spurn and spur on the yearn, cool

John

Jan 7th 2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: After a divorce, after the break up of a serious relationship, and sometimes even after the honeym...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

After a divorce, after the break up of a serious relationship, and sometimes even after the honeymoon, one of the parties comes to the conclusion that, "I didn't really know him or her". This seems to imply that there is another thing that the same person could say, namely, "My judgment was very poor about my own ability was to know whether I did or did not really know another person."

How reliable is your judgment about whether you have or have not come to know another person well? Do doubts in this area affect you much?

How good are you at judging whether you really know someone else well? Has this ability improved a lot over time?

Note that the question is not about your ability to get to know others. It is about how accurate your judgment is when you say to yourself (or perhaps only feel unconsciously), "I have really come to know this person very well."

Nudging those prone to fiction not to fudge about judging,

John

--hide--


Normally, after about a year of spending a lot of time with a person there is a moment where I feel like I really "know" that person. It normally happens when they do or say something that i don't expect and then a clearer picture of that person comes into focus and I have a "I really know this person" moment. However, it's important to note that this is only a moment of knowing someone because people change and grow all the time so your "knowing" someone needs to be updated all the time. I think this is what happens in a lot of marriages, people "know" the other when they marry, but then don't update their image of the person and over the years, until one day they wake up and realize they are married to a different person. In fact, I think this happens a lot in life not just in marriages

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said: I think it takes time to learn about another person. Everyone has their own unique opini...
(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said:



I think it takes time to learn about another person. Everyone has their own unique opinions of us and others. Many see President Obama as great while others not so very great. I think it is about our perceptions and what our core belief values are. Many people would love to hang out with someone that drinks and parties and would say they are wonderful people. Me being more quiet reserved and spiritual would rather have that kind of person to hang around. But Jesus does call us to love everyone, even the sinner. So I think when we are able to distinguish between good and bad and to change ourselves for the better, than things can get better.

In a relationship we would hope to find someone that is trying to help us be more Christ Like ... If that is the goal.. I think I can be good friends and trust that person but knowing there will be times we fall short. Forgive and move on. I hope that helps.

Peace and prayers,
Kathleen

ps also remember there will always be people that don't like us no matter what because they have different values.. We need to pray for them...

God Bless !

--hide--
Hi Kathleen,

First thanks for the words, "Peace and prayers".

You offered some general remarks about getting to know people, but how accurate do you think your judgment is when you say to yourself that (or just unconsciously feel that) you have really got to know somebody?

John

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Lucia-866196 said: John, It is hard to know other people completely. There are couples who after 20's or 30'...
(Quote) Lucia-866196 said: John,

It is hard to know other people completely. There are couples who after 20's or 30's years of marriage they do not know everything about one another. They have lived with each other day in and day out, but for one reason or another they have kept a piece of information from one another. This information was needed before because it was not important, now that things are coming to the surface, the other spouse knows about it. I think that after so many years of marriage if it is not something that will hurt themselves or their family it should not matter.

It is important to know the person's relative and friends before going to the altar. They might share some of the information that your spouse is hesitant to share with you. This type of information is helpful because it will help you decide your future with that person.

When we are in the feelings of being in love, we are blind and death. This is a very dangerous stage because we make life decisions that will affect us for the rest of our lives. These decisions need to be made in a rational state.
--hide--
Hi Lucia,

Thanks for your take on this topic.

I agree that one can never know anybody else completely. I think that Catholic Church would say that one can be known completely only by God.

Regarding one spouse, or both, not revealing everything, I think that some things are best kept private and that some other things are too trivial to be considered as issues that the other needs to know for the sake of the relationship.

You made some general points about getting to know people, but never got to my actual question, which was whether you trust or seriously doubt your judgments about having reach the point where you think that you really know somebody, not completely, but very well and very accurately as far as your knowing goes. scratchchin

John

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: The problem isn't simply knowing the other person: how well we know ourself and can j...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

The problem isn't simply knowing the other person: how well we know ourself and can judge our compatibility with the other person are also factors. Sin (all sins, not only those mutual with the other person) can cloud our intellect and prevent us from recognizing the truth. For this reason, it is especially important to avoid sin, go to confession often, fast, and to generally try to lead a holy life especially when courting and attempting to discern marriage (or other major life decisions). Even under the best of conditions, our vision is very limited, which is why it is most important to attempt to discern God's will regarding the relationship.

--hide--


wise words. thanks. discernment is an inside job. we must know ourselves before we can properly know/understand others.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Marirose-887295 said: I agree with Jerry. Also, I find I get a gut feeling about people and when I listen to it I am...
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said:

I agree with Jerry. Also, I find I get a gut feeling about people and when I listen to it I am safe. When I don't I get myself in trouble

--hide--

Gut feelings just might be your guardian angel setting off a warning flag in your head about a person. Even if they come off as sweet and endearing, and you start to think you know all about them, remember that initial feeling, because you got it for a reason. I didn't listen to it once, because I didn't understand what it meant, and for that reason, I got my heart broken. Listen to that feeling ladies and gents.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: After a divorce, after the break up of a serious relationship, and sometimes even after the honeym...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

After a divorce, after the break up of a serious relationship, and sometimes even after the honeymoon, one of the parties comes to the conclusion that, "I didn't really know him or her". This seems to imply that there is another thing that the same person could say, namely, "My judgment was very poor about my own ability was to know whether I did or did not really know another person."

How reliable is your judgment about whether you have or have not come to know another person well? Do doubts in this area affect you much?

How good are you at judging whether you really know someone else well? Has this ability improved a lot over time?

Note that the question is not about your ability to get to know others. It is about how accurate your judgment is when you say to yourself (or perhaps only feel unconsciously), "I have really come to know this person very well."

Nudging those prone to fiction not to fudge about judging,

John

--hide--
John,

Another brain teaser! At the end of a relationship, I tend to ask myself if I really knew that person. Was I good at communicating? Did I answer my questions with what I wanted to hear instead of what was actually occuring? Did I see that person or what I wanted that person
to be? Should I have asked different questions or judged the outcome of situations more realistically? YES! I think when you are with someone
on a full time basis, you tend to overlook (override) important signals instead of taking a step back and analyzing them. Does that affect your
judgement? DEFINITELY.

I think your question "how good are you at judging whether you really know someone else well" also begs the question," Do you trust
your own judgement of how well you know that someone else?" After a failed relationship, the answer would be different. No, the person I
thought I knew isn't the person he is now. Would I say my judgement ability has improved over time? Not so sure because I am the same
person but I do have a little more experience so maybe could be the answer. How is that for being on the fence? Ouch, that hurts! LOL!
I think that emotions play a huge part on judgement and sometimes I want things to be the way I want to see them but in actuality, they
are not. Again, judgement is impaired. I have to work on my judgement skills is what I am thinking....see another brain teaser!

Eileen

Posts 11 - 20 of 34