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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 7th 2013 new

I agree with Sharon. When my best friend Susie, got married, we didn't talk as long or as much on the phone. We used to talk almost every other day. Susie is my best friend, but my friend Albert is very objective and he is not afraid to tell me I am wrong, open my eyes or whatever else he needs to say. I would tell him everything just like Susie, just to get his opinion. I value him as a friend.

I am not fooling myself, I am not the center of his world or my friend Susie's world and if they have a significant other in their life, I am happy for them. I am not going to stamp my feet and cry because we aren't talking as much. I would take the high road away from being selfish and be very happy they found someone. It doesn't matter whether they are male are female. And I hope they will be as happy for me as I am for them. But if and when I get married, I would imagine that my discussions with ALL my friends would be a little less.


End of story, period!

Jan 7th 2013 new

So, who are these guys "But, because they are fine with fulfilling their emotional needs with a woman they don't have to have any committment to"? That sounds like a gay guy. Maybe I am stereotyping yet I have yet to meet a friend of mine who would go out of his way to meet the emotional needs of a woman, he has no interest in. Although I think men and women can be friends, I don't see any reason why a man would try to build a strong emotional bond with a woman he doesn't want to date??????


Jan 7th 2013 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: That's the destination some (male and female) perpetually single people stride t...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


That's the destination some (male and female) perpetually single people stride towards with implacable determination.


Being on a dating site is merely a ruse. A foxhole. It's so they can tell their anxious mothers "I'm working on it" when in actuality the last thing they want is to share their lives with anyone except a cat or dog.

--hide--



I am on this dating site and I date all the time....just not anyone from here...yet. wink

Jan 7th 2013 new
(Quote) Mary-583970 said: I would think so. Which is why I thought marriage was in the picture for my ex and I, because he always ...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:



I would think so. Which is why I thought marriage was in the picture for my ex and I, because he always said how I was his best friend, his future gf/wife (if there were to be any) would have to get used to me, that he had never been and could never imagine being as emotionally/spiritually/intimately close to anyone else....but he thinks I'm unattractive and specifically said he could not consider marriage unless I lost weight, and felt that none of that other stuff could make up for it.

So, yeah, you would think so, to consider marriage would be normal if you feel you can't part from them, but some people...-shrug- I guess are looking for a very specific kind of marriage, and if you feel there are things important to you that they can't provide then you have to accept thata they are not the one and keep them close. I also would not consider being with someone who made me gie up my friends, and I really respect my male friends who remain friends with their exes- assuming their exes are decent people, I think it shows maturity and tells me they're no longer insecure about their past.

--hide--


Well, the present is the future of the past. Surely if your present can't part with no string attached, then he probably will be your future. Given the circumstances that conditional propositions were laid bare, then your past has no future, but only the present.

If everyone, in the world will pause to think of what nice things to do, perhaps the the world will never move on. ...
Jan 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: (Quote) David-364112 said: Must we always discuss sex?? It gets really tir...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

Quote:
David-364112 said:

Must we always discuss sex?? It gets really tiring. No good comes of it and such topics merely bring out the worst in many.

Let's find another topic, shall we?





We are actually not discussing sex. Go back and read the posts. They are all referring to the other part of a relationship - the emotional connection.

--hide--


VERY Clear Explanation. Thank you Celia.

Jan 7th 2013 new

I would confront the guy (if there is one) and ask if there could ever be more than friendship.

I think getting too close emotionally would make any woman unhappy if he had gone over the line emotionally and THEN acts like only a friend.

Jan 7th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: (Quote) Celia-821539 said: Is there really a difference, or, aren't they just ...
(Quote) John-220051 said:
Quote:
Celia-821539 said:

Is there really a difference, or, aren't they just two sides to the same coin?


Not picking on guys, because women do it, too. For the sake of what I am saying, I will use the masculine pronoun.


There are a couple of sides to the marital coin: the sexual relationship and the emotional relationship...Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy.

We all know it is wrong to put the sexual intimacy before the marriage. But, the less common error is to put the emotional intimacy before the marriage. It's rare, because most guys tend towards the error of having sexual intimacy before marriage. But, there are those select few who develop a deep, emotionally intimate relationship with a woman with no sexual intimacy.


I have had guy friends. What I am talking about goes a little bit beyond that, because these guys are far more in tune with women than most guys.

They are capable of developing far deeper emotional bonds. They'll make fantastic husbands one day...if they ever get there. But, , because they are fine with fulfilling their emotional needs with a woman they don't have to have any committment to. After all - hey, they're "just friends". It's really not much different from a guy who is fulfilling his sexual needs with a woman he has no committment to. Same coin, 2 different sides, equally inappropriate, one is just more socially acceptable than the other, and more easily justified in the guy's (or girl's) mind.


Funny how these types of relationships end when the woman gets married (or the man gets married). I wouldn't want my husband having sex with another woman. Nor would I want my husband having an emotional relationship with another woman. And, just like I wouldn't date a guy who is having premarital sexual relations with another woman, so, too, I would not date a guy who is having "premarital emotional relations" with another woman. Two sides of the same coin....the coin that belongs in a dating type relationship, not in a "friendship".


Thoughts? Has anyone else known or been in a situation like that?









I tried emotional intimacy with my now former friend Allison for several years thinking it would lead to marriage. But it went nowhere. I think I'm ambivalent about a repeat. I don't like the idea of being a male girlfriend.
--hide--


John,
Normally - It should work to get emotionally close to a woman.

Jan 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: I am on this dating site and I date all the time....just not anyone from here...yet.<...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:




I am on this dating site and I date all the time....just not anyone from here...yet.

--hide--


well, you're not perpetually single. you've been married. you're a mother. you know how to share your life with others. so what i wrote doesn't apply to you.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: People used to just date..Now they spend so much time and energy over analyzing every aspect of da...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

People used to just date..Now they spend so much time and energy over analyzing every aspect of dating before the first communication it's no wonder they don't have the time or energy to actually get out there and meet..

--hide--
EXACTLY Donna, it absolutely confounds me the number of middle aged people that are so utterly perplexed when it comes to dating ! It's like some form of arrested development. The dating process is not akin to rocket science, the fundamentals of dating should have at least been established before college. Instead individuals view it as ... to borrow a quote from Phillip Roth in '' Good bye Columbus'' They approach dating as the dissection, analysis, reconsideration, and finally embracing of the trivial'' It truly is exhausting. faint

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Sheila-371804 said: EXACTLY Donna, it absolutely confounds me the number of middle aged people that are so utterly p...
(Quote) Sheila-371804 said:

EXACTLY Donna, it absolutely confounds me the number of middle aged people that are so utterly perplexed when it comes to dating ! It's like some form of arrested development. The dating process is not akin to rocket science, the fundamentals of dating should have at least been established before college. Instead individuals view it as ... to borrow a quote from Phillip Roth in '' Good bye Columbus'' They approach dating as the dissection, analysis, reconsideration, and finally embracing of the trivial'' It truly is exhausting.

--hide--
Yep!! What Sheila said. clap Bow thumbsup

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