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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Feb 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said: Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive peo...
(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said:

Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive people.

However, I've also met some genuine disgusting types who must think that my pants are burning off. This has led to some of the nastiest / gross come ons and facial expressions from people that a few years ago I would have punched if they had suggested something like that to my face. Now I just feel profoundly sorry for these pathetic individuals. Is anyone else having to deal with unwanted attractions, just because they are widowed? If so how do you stop it, because quite frankly, my husband would have instructed me to keep the thumb to the outside and continue hitting until they were on the ground. A broken jaw, prevents broken language.

--hide--
Such a gentle appearance, coupled with a powerful right. Looks can be deceiving.....

Don't let 'em get the best of you....

Feb 7th 2013 new

I want to sincerely thank everyone who has responded to this post. I'm prayerful that their are still some decent, honorable guys out there. After all, I was married to one once, and I made every attempt to raise more with his sense of decency.

Ladies, you are definitely worth a kind hearted, chivalrous human being, who treats the women in their lives and themselves with respect. Gentlemen, I'd like to thank you for reminding us that many of you still consider lewd, overt behavior to be beyond contempt, and would not consider these contemptable scum bags worthy of your attention as friends either.

Feb 7th 2013 new

You have been blessed and just don't know it then. These advances have never come from someone I would either consider dating or in a situation that would leave me feeling anything less than wanting to bath in lysol.

I know many of us long for the loving intimacy and attention that we once shared with our lost spouses, but these type of advances are as far removed from that as a romantic valentines day dinner is from getting groped by an unbathed homeless guy in a parking lot. Sad part here is, you've met the individual, and feel you somehow have to be polite after they've been so crude.

Feb 7th 2013 new

Sadly, I have had the same experience. Within six weeks of my husband's very unexpected death, his collegues were taking bets to how long it would take me to be remarried. The shortest time--6 weeks. The longest? Two years. I have news for all of those Air Force Academy professors. You all lose. Then there was the 25 year old that asked me out. EW! And the married men that I thought were "our" friends. There was the man in a marathon who told me that his wife just didn't get him and that he had needs and I had needs. Throw up in my mouth. Lastly, I went on a date recently and the man couldn't keep his hands off of me. When I told him no, he said he didn't want to see me again because we obviosuly had no chemistry. He asked me to prove him wrong. Vomit. I would stay single versus take any of those options.

Feb 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Karen-712407 said: It was a rude awakening to the cold hard fact that it is not a pleasant world out there and sex still ru...
(Quote) Karen-712407 said: It was a rude awakening to the cold hard fact that it is not a pleasant world out there and sex still rules in some people's hearts, and sodoes jealousy. If adultery weren't so prevalent in our society, widows would be cared for the way the Bible asks it of us. Biggest SIGH of my widowhood.
--hide--

A CM woman addressed this a few years ago. Men, and women, develop these attitudes because, unfortunately, they've met too many others who are "free" sexually.

For those of us following the Creator's sexuality guidelines, be aware there are others like us out there, and it may take time in finding them. If, hopefully when, you are fortunate to find them, give them a chance. That doesn't mean every "good one" we find is a potential spouse...if not, keep looking for another "good one" who has spouse-potential - they DO exist, and at all ages.

Feb 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: Sadly, I have had the same experience. Within six weeks of my husband's very unexpected death...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said:

Sadly, I have had the same experience. Within six weeks of my husband's very unexpected death, his collegues were taking bets to how long it would take me to be remarried. The shortest time--6 weeks. The longest? Two years. I have news for all of those Air Force Academy professors. You all lose. Then there was the 25 year old that asked me out. EW! And the married men that I thought were "our" friends. There was the man in a marathon who told me that his wife just didn't get him and that he had needs and I had needs. Throw up in my mouth. Lastly, I went on a date recently and the man couldn't keep his hands off of me. When I told him no, he said he didn't want to see me again because we obviosuly had no chemistry. He asked me to prove him wrong. Vomit. I would stay single versus take any of those options.

--hide--
Welcome to today's human race. Pursuit has been in existence since the beginning of mankind. It's the modern day emphasis on freedom (from responsibility); if it feels good, do it mentality; the sexual revolution and a lot of other factors. Women of any marital status are considered fair game for some people. It happens to men, too, but less frequently.

Women can't become hermits but they will have to be firm. "No means NO!!" Sadly, there are too many women out there who are looking for one night stands, just as some men are. It's hard to escape these confrontations, so people have to learn to deal with them as best they can. That can mean walking away, replying with a sharp retort, politely saying "Not interested". You can minimize your exposure to this by staying away from places where such behavior is not only tolerated, but expected. It's not fair to tell well-meaning, virtuous people to stay away from places that were initially meant for fun, but then again, it's not a good idea to walk close to a group of hoodlums who are all holding hand guns. Preventive medicine? Prudence? That ranks high on the list.

Men who have consumed alcoholic beverages may be discarding their inhibitions and behave in ways they wouldn't even dream of if they were completely sober.

If enough people would just walk away from an unpleasant situation, the repugnant actions would be reduced. I'm certain they wouldn't be eliminated completely, human nature being what it is.

Is there hope? Always. Fortunately there are enough good guys out there. They're looking for you, too.

Feb 9th 2013 new

I think this is something most widows face. The two worst were the husbands of 2 of my best friends. I never told them what their husbands tried to do. You just kind of phase out of those friendships which is sad. In the last year I have gotten close to one my friend again, but her husband is never around when we are together. Just because we are widowed does not mean we are desperate or we are looking for a sex partner.

Feb 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Sharon-885911 said: I think this is something most widows face. The two worst were the husbands of 2 of my best frie...
(Quote) Sharon-885911 said:

I think this is something most widows face. The two worst were the husbands of 2 of my best friends. I never told them what their husbands tried to do. You just kind of phase out of those friendships which is sad. In the last year I have gotten close to one my friend again, but her husband is never around when we are together. Just because we are widowed does not mean we are desperate or we are looking for a sex partner.

--hide--
Unfortunately, any woman who is "unattached" (and sometimes being married doesn't prevent this) is considered fair game by some. It's probably impossible to avoid all of this unwanted attention because some of it comes from people we already know, including relatives. It's easy to say, "Learn to deal with it" because it's not easy to do -- but it's necessary.

Feb 9th 2013 new

I think what blows my mind about this whole discussion is the idea that these men have such a high opinion of their attractions that they think it's worthwhile to approach someone like that.

Where does a guy get that kind of ego?

Feb 10th 2013 new

4 older men have made advances. They all knew Ernie when he lived and 2 know my father. They are old enough to be a father to me. Their jokes can be very tasteless and crude. They are customers to the company I work for. I treat them with friendliness and respect, at the same time am frank with my "not interested" to their advances. I hadn't given it too much thought except that they must be very lonely and unhappy people.

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