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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said: One of the main problems with online discussions, is that we cannot hear the *tone*...
(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said:

One of the main problems with online discussions, is that we cannot hear the *tone* with which advice is given. I don't think that all suggestions are meant to be critisisms, so I try to give most people the benefit of the doubt, and really hope that all was said in the kindness of the poster's heart.

--hide--
Bless you, Bernadette~ this weary old world needs more peacemakers! theheart Dove

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said: One of the main problems with online discussions, is that we cannot hear the *tone*...
(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said:

One of the main problems with online discussions, is that we cannot hear the *tone* with which advice is given. I don't think that all suggestions are meant to be critisisms, so I try to give most people the benefit of the doubt, and really hope that all was said in the kindness of the poster's heart.

--hide--


Hear, hear. Isn't it our Christian duty to try to interpret things in the most charitable light possible? Not always easy, certainly, but it is something we should all strive for.


From the Catechism:


2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor's thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another's statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.
Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: Do you think we're stupid? We know exactly what goes on around here.
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

Do you think we're stupid? We know exactly what goes on around here.

--hide--


This is so sad sad .


I somehow like to refer to the Holy Bible in my thoughts to remind myself who I am, my weakness, and although I do not know his will. God knew what Adam and Eve did as well as many of the Old Testament prophets, so can I hide anywhere from my loving God, the answer is "no."

Will there be retribution, what I do or say things not pleasing to the Lord, "Yes", and I would rather happen in this world than the next. Thus, I seek his forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Holy Mass, and embrace any punishment due me here on earth as an offering to the Cross.

Hope we think twice on our behavior. I consider myself among those who are stupid, crazy, nutty, wacky, maybe naive or whatever anything else you feel like calling.

This is great site to mingle, socialize, friendship, or relationships.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Livia-407406 said: Even though Robert wrote his comment as though it was directed at everyone, it's pretty clear...
(Quote) Livia-407406 said:

Even though Robert wrote his comment as though it was directed at everyone, it's pretty clearly directed at women. Am I the only one disturbed by how many men think it's okay to post a list of complaints and demands about what THEY want from women and how WE'RE expected to be worried about attracting THEM? This is the second thread of this nature I've seen in the past week.

Guys, it's up to you to impress us. Posting a list of whiney complaints and demands is not going to achieve that end, and it's not at all how a Catholic gentleman should act.

--hide--


Guys, it's up to you to impress us.


And, this, I think sums up the problem with this website. Men aren't here to give women a dog and pony show.

and how WE'RE expected to be worried about attracting THEM?


And, I think this sums up the other problem with this site. Women expecting a man with no effort on their part. Oh sure, why join a dating site and then worry about attracting a man. I'm sure some outgoing, tall, dark, handsome man with a great job and a large house that loves to travel, communicates well who also happens to be Catholic...scratch that....a Catholic gentleman (which generally means never disagrees with the woman)...will just fall into each and every woman's lap. rolling eyes

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said: One of the main problems with online discussions, is that we cannot hear the *tone*...
(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said:

One of the main problems with online discussions, is that we cannot hear the *tone* with which advice is given. I don't think that all suggestions are meant to be critisisms, so I try to give most people the benefit of the doubt, and really hope that all was said in the kindness of the poster's heart.

--hide--

On the contrary, the tone is loud and clear. Writing is a perfectly valid way of communicating, and it's not hard to interpret. I don't know what Robert's intentions were specifically, because I can't read minds, but I do know that the way he chose to express himself was disrespectful towards the women on this website and for the benefit of those here who may already feel self conscious about their profile pictures, he really should be called out on it. Otherwise all you're saying is that we have to be extra charitable towards him but he doesn't have to be charitable towards anyone else.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Steve-650539 said: Guys, it's up to you to impress us.
(Quote) Steve-650539 said:


Guys, it's up to you to impress us.


And, this, I think sums up the problem with this website. Men aren't here to give women a dog and pony show.

and how WE'RE expected to be worried about attracting THEM?


And, I think this sums up the other problem with this site. Women expecting a man with no effort on their part. Oh sure, why join a dating site and then worry about attracting a man. I'm sure some outgoing, tall, dark, handsome man with a great job and a large house that loves to travel, communicates well who also happens to be Catholic...scratch that....a Catholic gentleman (which generally means never disagrees with the woman)...will just fall into each and every woman's lap.

--hide--


It sounds to me like it's you and Robert are the ones expecting a dog and pony show. Why can't people just get to know each other? I can't speak for anyone else, but that's why I'm here. Making a long, naggy list hectoring women about how awful their pictures are is not the way to get to know anyone.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: It goes both ways. Livia. In fact, there are MANY more threads that whine and complain about the...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

It goes both ways. Livia. In fact, there are MANY more threads that whine and complain about the men on this site in an average week than there are towards women over any month.


Why do you think so many men have stopped participating in this fora? Most of us have more than grown tired of the same people who have been on this site years upon end constantly barking at us as to what we should and should not be doing. Then they complain to admin when we don't allow them to run us over like they do everyone else. Then they resort to slandering us in PMs to anyone and everyone they see us interacting with here in the fora.


Do you think we're stupid? We know exactly what goes on around here.

--hide--


100% agree and why I shy away from forum posters.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Livia-407406 said: On the contrary, the tone is loud and clear. Writing is a perfectly valid way o...
(Quote) Livia-407406 said:

On the contrary, the tone is loud and clear. Writing is a perfectly valid way of communicating, and it's not hard to interpret. I don't know what Robert's intentions were specifically, because I can't read minds, but I do know that the way he chose to express himself was disrespectful towards the women on this website and for the benefit of those here who may already feel self conscious about their profile pictures, he really should be called out on it. Otherwise all you're saying is that we have to be extra charitable towards him but he doesn't have to be charitable towards anyone else.

--hide--

Not at all, Livia. smile Everyone should be charitable to their neighbor. However, it has to start somewhere so "let it begin with me." Praying

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said: Not at all, Livia. Everyone should be charitable to their neighbor. However, it has...
(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said:

Not at all, Livia. Everyone should be charitable to their neighbor. However, it has to start somewhere so "let it begin with me."

--hide--

Then shouldn't you be assuming that my intentions are good instead of accusing me of not being charitable enough? scratchchin

Part of the reason I react so strongly to attitudes like the ones I've seen displayed in the OP and on the other thread--the one lecturing women about how tacky their drinking pictures were--is that I've dated guys like this in real life, and so have some of my friends. Men like this tend to be abusive and controlling. It worries me very much that some women, perhaps from lack of experience or naivety, might end up with someone like this, so I feel a moral obligation to speak up. That, to me, is much more important and speaks more loudly to my conscience than the need to appear "nice" at all times. I sincerely hope you never end up in a relationship with a man who thinks it's his right to lecture about what you're wearing or how you look--men of this type, by the way, will often pepper their criticisms with compliments and flattery about how beautiful you are, much like what you see in the OP. This is a trademark abusive technique. Maybe you haven't seen it before, but take it from those of us who have, that is the kind of manipulation any woman should stay well away from.

A good man will tell you you're beautiful without putting a bunch of conditionals on it.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Livia-407406 said: Then shouldn't you be assuming that my intentions are good instead of accus...
(Quote) Livia-407406 said:

Then shouldn't you be assuming that my intentions are good instead of accusing me of not being charitable enough?

Part of the reason I react so strongly to attitudes like the ones I've seen displayed in the OP and on the other thread--the one lecturing women about how tacky their drinking pictures were--is that I've dated guys like this in real life, and so have some of my friends. Men like this tend to be abusive and controlling. It worries me very much that some women, perhaps from lack of experience or naivety, might end up with someone like this, so I feel a moral obligation to speak up. That, to me, is much more important and speaks more loudly to my conscience than the need to appear "nice" at all times. I sincerely hope you never end up in a relationship with a man who thinks it's his right to lecture about what you're wearing or how you look--men of this type, by the way, will often pepper their criticisms with compliments and flattery about how beautiful you are, much like what you see in the OP. This is a trademark abusive technique. Maybe you haven't seen it before, but take it from those of us who have, that is the kind of manipulation any woman should stay well away from.

A good man will tell you you're beautiful without putting a bunch of conditionals on it.

--hide--

Livia, I am not pointing fingers (if anything, I was pointing a finger at myself wink ). I am just hoping that everyone will be amiable towards each other. It hurts me to see good, Catholic people (and people, in general) having an argument. I tend to be a natural sort of mediator in these circumstances, and my goal is to point out the good sides of everyone's position (because each is valid), not to take sides or again, point fingers.

You're bring up a good point, though. I have met men (thank goodness I wasn't in a relationship with them) who told me what make-up I should and should not wear (and no, they weren't family, either). I am very thankful you bring up these points as a sort of red flag to look out for, especially to those who haven't been in a relationship before, or for those who are not aware of the signs.

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