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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Jan 16th 2013 new

Paper plates, plastic spoons etc.

Those who just paid attention and watched and waited, then jumped into the moments when I had a need.

Not those who took over, made decisions for me, 'knew it all'

Jan 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Tracy-929496 said: I wish I could express myself as well as you all have in the previous posts. I agree with almost ...
(Quote) Tracy-929496 said:

I wish I could express myself as well as you all have in the previous posts. I agree with almost everything said. I don't want one more person asking me, "How are you doing?", "You sure seem to be doing much better than I would be doing", "What are your plans for the Garden Center?" (the family business we've owned and ran for twenty years)...yet, if they DIDN'T ask, then I would feel slighted, as if they didn't care or were afraid my response would make them feel uncomfortable. I found a safe and honest answer is, "That's an easy question with a complicated answer."

The overwhelming grief at losing Paul physically hurts. He lost his battle with kidney cancer Nov. 3. We have three married daughters, an adult son, a 14 year old daughter home with me and seven grandchildren. Plus, countless extended family , friends, our church and the entire community of Loogootee who respected, admired and loved Paul. Our lives are all richer and blessed by knowing Paul. Our world is much lonelier and quieter now without him (he LOVED to talk - in person and on his ever-ringing cell phone, which he was buried with). I usually can express myself better when writing and I hope to find a safe, caring outlet here on this site with others who can identify with my painful loss.

Another reason I joined catholicmatch.com was because Paul insisted that I remain active, keep old and make new friends, and find a good Christian man to share my life with. He always looked out and cared for me in ways big and small. Simply taking the trash out the first time was a jarring wake-up call that the thousands of details he saw to each day, now, would not get done unless I did them myself.

In his typical, unselfish loving concern, he insisted that none of us 'get mad at God', if he was not healed here on earth, but only after death in heaven. He said we see our life's journey in a limited way, as if on a 8"TV screen. God is standing behind us viewing our lives on a huge, giant TV screen...He sees the BIG picture...we must trust Him that all is according to God's Divine Providence, for the good of our souls and that there is a reason why some are taken home to heaven and others are left to continue their mission on earth. OF COURSE we can be sad, cry, question 'why?', even beat the walls with our fists! Even Jesus cried when His friend Lazarus died.

My faith in God's promises and goodness has been bruised, but not destroyed. Prayers and grace sustain me. It's a miracle I have not gone insane with grief, but went right back to our store one week after Paul's funeral. Thank God I have this place to focus on and go to each day that we shared, worked together side-by-side with our kids for so many years and dearly loved. Paul did want me to be alone, so he has given me a beautiful gift and his blessing to accept the love of another man that God may send me one day. Thank you, dear.

--hide--


Welcome Tracy, you will find friends here.

Jan 16th 2013 new

I know that the first about 11 months I was not wrapped too tight. I think that the best things to to get them engaged in the "real world" again and always have a open ear if they should call.

Jan 16th 2013 new

Thank you, Karen. We can never have too many friends. Some of my friends don't feel comfortable around me now. They still have their spouse and I suppose seeing me makes them face the possibility that widowhood could happen to them, too, and they don' tlike it. It is so true that only one who has 'been there' or 'walked a mile in my shoes' can relate to the pain, confusion, sadness, loneliness and bewilderment of losing a dearly loved family member.


THANK GOD for our beautiful, precious Catholic faith and the HOPE that consoles us!

Jan 17th 2013 new

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and sharing your stories. It's really rough for her right now, I think, because things like people just stopping to her house are slowing down, and especially at night the loneliness is getting to her. I told her she can always call me but I know after my daughter died there were times I wanted to call my mum but didn't because I didn't want to bother her with my problems, so I'll just keep reminding her that I mean she can call anytime.

Jan 17th 2013 new
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: Thank you everyone for the suggestions and sharing your stories. It's really rough for her right now, ...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and sharing your stories. It's really rough for her right now, I think, because things like people just stopping to her house are slowing down, and especially at night the loneliness is getting to her. I told her she can always call me but I know after my daughter died there were times I wanted to call my mum but didn't because I didn't want to bother her with my problems, so I'll just keep reminding her that I mean she can call anytime.

--hide--


Perhaps you can call her from time to time....
Jan 17th 2013 new

rose Thanks Katherine that is a great idea. I know for me it was just can someone help when I needed to cry and or maybe just make me laugh so I wouldn't cry. Yeah the food thing is hard because I couldn't eat. Maybe if they rake the leaves or water your plants or offer to run an small errand. Or if someone too distraught to talk just ask them to leave a note in the mailbox if your need something. I know that sounds distant, but sometimes you just can't talk right now, but it is nice to know someone is there. I was in a fog for along time and had so many things to do and would forget alot...so I wrote alot of notes to myself. theheart rosary

Jan 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: Thank you everyone for the suggestions and sharing your stories. It's really rough for he...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and sharing your stories. It's really rough for her right now, I think, because things like people just stopping to her house are slowing down, and especially at night the loneliness is getting to her. I told her she can always call me but I know after my daughter died there were times I wanted to call my mum but didn't because I didn't want to bother her with my problems, so I'll just keep reminding her that I mean she can call anytime.

--hide--


I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, Katherine. Praying hug


- Elizabeth

Jan 18th 2013 new

My husbands death was not a shock we knew it was coming just didn't know when, but you are never ready. After it was all over with I was totally lost. I had been his primary care-giver for over 4 years I didn't know what to do with myself. The 2 people who helped me the most were my best friend Donna and my son's best friend Chad. Donna and I had a "date" every Tuesday night. She would come out to my house, and I cried on her shoulder many a time. I looked forward to those visits. Donna passed a few years ago, and I still miss her. Chad who was only 18 at the time came by my house every day for quite a while just to see if I needed anything as my son had went back to college. He is such a sweetheart and still is today. I claim him as one of my own and he has always called me mom.

I don't take food anymore. I will take Coffee, creamer, pop, paper plates and cups, napkins and plastic silverware. I never thought of it, but the
toilet paper is a good suggestion too.

Just be there for your friend, and don't treat her any differently than you ever did. I remember going to a party a while after John died, and everyone there patronized me. I was so uncomfortable I left early. They didn't mean any harm they just didn't know to treat the new widow. Encourage her to get out of the house for a while.

Jan 19th 2013 new

[quote]Just be there for your friend, and don't treat her any differently than you ever did. I remember going to a party a while after John died, and everyone there patronized me. I was so uncomfortable I left early. They didn't mean any harm they just didn't know to treat the new widow. Encourage her to get out of the house for a while.[quote]

Sharon! this is the best advice anyone could have typed in. Bow

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