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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Too Cautious?

Jan 8th 2013 new

I am really confused by some of the comments I've seen in the forums lately? Why is a lady declared "overly cautious" just because she wants to spend some time chatting w/a gentleman here on CM instead of immediately giving out her phone number? And on the flip side, I've seen comments saying that if a gentleman invites a lady to chat here on CM too many times that it could be considered stalking.

So a lady is bad if she won't give out her phone number to someone who's almost a complete stranger and a man is bad because he wants to chat here on an "anonymous" site?

And why is chatting considered bad anyways? It's live communication, correct? So what if it doesn't work perfectly? It's just technology-get a grip folks.

I know I for one am not giving out my phone number to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who asks for it; with my phone number a guy could look up my address! No thanks! Every other online dating site I've ever been to says to be cautious with your personal information; why do so many here at Catholic Match seem to go against that advice?

And before someone asks-yes I am actually looking to find a spouse, not just be a "penpal" to someone. When I'm comfortable with a gentleman and feel the time is right, probably after we've been exchanging messages and chatting for at least a month, I'll give him my direct contact information. But until then, that's the reason I just paid for an account here instead of just using a free site. Here I feel relatively "safe" because a guy can't find out all the nitty, gritty details about me until I'm ready to share them.

Jan 8th 2013 new
Follow your instincts and what you are comfortable with. Meeting someone in a very public place, in the daytime would be great, or meeting him for mass at his parish (if close enough) and meeting his priest. You are a wise woman.
Jan 8th 2013 new

Most people are here to meet someone. There are a few (who talk quite a bit) who feel that caution is always advised.


The proof is in the pudding. Look atthe running tally of engaged/married couples who met here on CM in recent years. Hundreds if not housands of marriages and again as many children as the result of this site. Let that be your measuring stick and not the comments of a few frightened wallflowers.


Good luck on CM!

Jan 8th 2013 new

No matter what the guidelines, or what is perceived to be proper etiquette there will be a certain percentage of people who will find a reason to have a problem with it. It is what it is and you will find it in any gathering where there is a large group of people.


I don't find either example you mentioned as necessarily "bad" as much as just personal preference. Some prefer and insist on a rapid progression while others prefer a more casual and reserved progression. Sometimes it's difficult to find someone who is on the same page as you are on this along with everything else.


That's why I try to avoid this circumstance, if at all possible. I'll usually just go along at whatever pace is most comfortable to the lady in question. Otherwise, it's just inviting an unnecessary headache. And for what? Because she doesn't want to move at a pace where she feels pressured and rushed? Usually, the issue is rarely over more than a couple weeks worth of time anyway. To me it's not worth it... much easier to just relax and allow it to go however it's going to go.

Just my two cents


theheart

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: No matter what the guidelines, or what is perceived to be proper etiquette there will be a certa...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

No matter what the guidelines, or what is perceived to be proper etiquette there will be a certain percentage of people who will find a reason to have a problem with it. It is what it is and you will find it in any gathering where there is a large group of people.


I don't find either example you mentioned as necessarily "bad" as much as just personal preference. Some prefer and insist on a rapid progression while others prefer a more casual and reserved progression. Sometimes it's difficult to find someone who is on the same page as you are on this along with everything else.


That's why I try to avoid this circumstance, if at all possible. I'll usually just go along at whatever pace is most comfortable to the lady in question. Otherwise, it's just inviting an unnecessary headache. And for what? Because she doesn't want to move at a pace where she feels pressured and rushed? Usually, the issue is rarely over more than a couple weeks worth of time anyway. To me it's not worth it... much easier to just relax and allow it to go however it's going to go.

Just my

--hide--


I agree with Victor here, there is no one size fits all and it's best to go at pace you feel comfortable with. A guy who is too pushy or too reluctant is probably not for you, so best to move on quickly. One thing I feel strongly about is that you should meet someone AS SOON as you feel comfortable with them, because online communication can lead to a lot of "fill in the blanks" about a person that may or not be true. Which can disappointing when you do meet.

Jan 8th 2013 new

Okay-so now the "regular" forum posters have me really confused. Here you guys are being nice and giving what I consider "sane" advice. However, on the "How often is too often when it comes to chatting on Cm?" thread the comments were basically "if she won't talk to you on the phone after like 2 emails or 1 chat then she's not interested.

I'm done w/the forums...

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) JoAnn-666667 said: I am really confused by some of the comments I've seen in the forums lately? Why is a lady de...
(Quote) JoAnn-666667 said:

I am really confused by some of the comments I've seen in the forums lately? Why is a lady declared "overly cautious" just because she wants to spend some time chatting w/a gentleman here on CM instead of immediately giving out her phone number? And on the flip side, I've seen comments saying that if a gentleman invites a lady to chat here on CM too many times that it could be considered stalking.

So a lady is bad if she won't give out her phone number to someone who's almost a complete stranger and a man is bad because he wants to chat here on an "anonymous" site?

And why is chatting considered bad anyways? It's live communication, correct? So what if it doesn't work perfectly? It's just technology-get a grip folks.

I know I for one am not giving out my phone number to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who asks for it; with my phone number a guy could look up my address! No thanks! Every other online dating site I've ever been to says to be cautious with your personal information; why do so many here at Catholic Match seem to go against that advice?

And before someone asks-yes I am actually looking to find a spouse, not just be a "penpal" to someone. When I'm comfortable with a gentleman and feel the time is right, probably after we've been exchanging messages and chatting for at least a month, I'll give him my direct contact information. But until then, that's the reason I just paid for an account here instead of just using a free site. Here I feel relatively "safe" because a guy can't find out all the nitty, gritty details about me until I'm ready to share them.

--hide--
i answered a comment when a fellow saw his gal on line,he would chat with her. so everytime she went on and he was there ,he would try to chat. i said i would be uncomfortable with that because maybe i did not want to chat with him at that time. this might feel like a stalking issue but proably not. i felt sending a emot or message would be better and express a time we coud then talk.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) JoAnn-666667 said: Okay-so now the "regular" forum posters have me really confused. Here you guys are bein...
(Quote) JoAnn-666667 said:

Okay-so now the "regular" forum posters have me really confused. Here you guys are being nice and giving what I consider "sane" advice. However, on the "How often is too often when it comes to chatting on Cm?" thread the comments were basically "if she won't talk to you on the phone after like 2 emails or 1 chat then she's not interested.

I'm done w/the forums...

--hide--

Not everyone is going to give the same advice as we've all been here for different periods of time (some years, some months, some only weeks or days), so we just give suggestions based on our own experience. We're not laying down any law, we're just giving pointers, which you're free to leave or take at your own discretion. smile

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) JoAnn-666667 said: Okay-so now the "regular" forum posters have me really confused. Here you guys are bein...
(Quote) JoAnn-666667 said:

Okay-so now the "regular" forum posters have me really confused. Here you guys are being nice and giving what I consider "sane" advice. However, on the "How often is too often when it comes to chatting on Cm?" thread the comments were basically "if she won't talk to you on the phone after like 2 emails or 1 chat then she's not interested.

I'm done w/the forums...

--hide--


You are 31..I am 60..The last time I was married you were 10 years old.. Your decision about how you conduct your correspondence when you have your whole life to live is much different than the way I want my communication conducted when I am looking into old age.. I want a decision made fairly quickly because I don't want to waste time if the communication is going nowhere.

Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) JoAnn-666667 said: I am really confused by some of the comments I've seen in the forums lately? Why is a lady de...
(Quote) JoAnn-666667 said:

I am really confused by some of the comments I've seen in the forums lately? Why is a lady declared "overly cautious" just because she wants to spend some time chatting w/a gentleman here on CM instead of immediately giving out her phone number? And on the flip side, I've seen comments saying that if a gentleman invites a lady to chat here on CM too many times that it could be considered stalking.

So a lady is bad if she won't give out her phone number to someone who's almost a complete stranger and a man is bad because he wants to chat here on an "anonymous" site?

And why is chatting considered bad anyways? It's live communication, correct? So what if it doesn't work perfectly? It's just technology-get a grip folks.

I know I for one am not giving out my phone number to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who asks for it; with my phone number a guy could look up my address! No thanks! Every other online dating site I've ever been to says to be cautious with your personal information; why do so many here at Catholic Match seem to go against that advice?

And before someone asks-yes I am actually looking to find a spouse, not just be a "penpal" to someone. When I'm comfortable with a gentleman and feel the time is right, probably after we've been exchanging messages and chatting for at least a month, I'll give him my direct contact information. But until then, that's the reason I just paid for an account here instead of just using a free site. Here I feel relatively "safe" because a guy can't find out all the nitty, gritty details about me until I'm ready to share them.

--hide--


Do what makes you feel safe and secure. I tend to have about 5 long chats before giving my number. It helps if I know his last name so that I can do a little searching. wink But, I obviously wouldn't meet anyone without exchanging numbers, so I would have to exchange numbers to get to a F2F. lol Man, this is sounding complicated. I never had an issue with a guy abusing my number, but my friend did have a scammer incident when she'd finally let her guard down to give her number out sooner. This was on another site, though.

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