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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 8th 2013 new

I've been online for a while and the way I've evolved is that having the opportunity to meet good woman is an accomplishment unto itself. I've evolved a lot by just meeting quality woman.

Just see each interaction and face to face as a joy to itself and don't get too caught up in whether it works out or not its all about expectations management.I mean of course we'd like things to work out but there is only so much in our control.

Persevere in your search and just enjoy the roller coaster ride. This is way better than just sitting on the couch hoping a potential spouse just drops out of the sky.

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Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said: Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some que...
(Quote) David-820720 said:

Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some questions that appear here every three weeks or so. So far I've met a few woman on this site that have either turned out to be here for all the wrong reasons (I've met one woman who said she was catholic but I found out different later) or have been with woman for only a few dates at most.

Most woman that I have been with use this site to end with me as a grand gesture of distaste (they have my phone number, or they can at least tell me the old fashioned way--in person). Much of it sounds like this, "You're such a great person..." or "I'm inspired by the fact that someone is out there like you..." and extol about how I "radically live the gospel," only to terminate communication with me altogether. So...why aren't we still seeing each other if I'm as great as they say...? Help me out with that one.

I don't get it. I'm athletic, intellectual, have a great cast of friends, go church, go to confession, pray the rosary and read the bible regularly have diverse interests, and have good earnings as well as a job that I'm passionate about. I also have a life that I love and would like to share it with someone. On the other hand it seems that women don't like the idea of someone who sober/in recovery or the fact that I have tattoos--never thought those two things would make women turn their noses up at me.

I think I speak for a lot of men on this site when I say I really don't know what else these women are looking for. Truth be told I think they are too picky. Also truth be told I have found non catholic women a lot more welcoming and open minded. I hate to say it, but it seems like women want a man who has all the gentlemanly courtliness of a 18th century nobleman and all the liberality of a secular modern/adrogynous male. A guy who pays all her way and she gets to keep her paycheck. Just one problem--that guy doesn't exist, and I know A LOT of guys.

Now being who I am, I am open to put all of the above for debate and dialectic. I would love to be proven wrong. on all of the above. A few words to women; all of the above is based on my experience and all of the experience of many men on this site. You're not going to win me over with weak replies that say "but we do exist." There are threads on this site to this effect, one in particular to the effect of women not needing men. Well if it's independence you want, you can have it.

--hide--


Well, I think we all feel the same. sorry Sorry I don't have any comforting words to offer, but just try not to get jaded over the whole gender. Best wishes.

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Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said: Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some que...
(Quote) David-820720 said:

Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some questions that appear here every three weeks or so. So far I've met a few woman on this site that have either turned out to be here for all the wrong reasons (I've met one woman who said she was catholic but I found out different later) or have been with woman for only a few dates at most.

Most woman that I have been with use this site to end with me as a grand gesture of distaste (they have my phone number, or they can at least tell me the old fashioned way--in person). Much of it sounds like this, "You're such a great person..." or "I'm inspired by the fact that someone is out there like you..." and extol about how I "radically live the gospel," only to terminate communication with me altogether. So...why aren't we still seeing each other if I'm as great as they say...? Help me out with that one.

I don't get it. I'm athletic, intellectual, have a great cast of friends, go church, go to confession, pray the rosary and read the bible regularly have diverse interests, and have good earnings as well as a job that I'm passionate about. I also have a life that I love and would like to share it with someone. On the other hand it seems that women don't like the idea of someone who sober/in recovery or the fact that I have tattoos--never thought those two things would make women turn their noses up at me.

I think I speak for a lot of men on this site when I say I really don't know what else these women are looking for. Truth be told I think they are too picky. Also truth be told I have found non catholic women a lot more welcoming and open minded. I hate to say it, but it seems like women want a man who has all the gentlemanly courtliness of a 18th century nobleman and all the liberality of a secular modern/adrogynous male. A guy who pays all her way and she gets to keep her paycheck. Just one problem--that guy doesn't exist, and I know A LOT of guys.

Now being who I am, I am open to put all of the above for debate and dialectic. I would love to be proven wrong. on all of the above. A few words to women; all of the above is based on my experience and all of the experience of many men on this site. You're not going to win me over with weak replies that say "but we do exist." There are threads on this site to this effect, one in particular to the effect of women not needing men. Well if it's independence you want, you can have it.

--hide--
David, I was married to a lovely woman who sure as heck didn't marry me for my looks or my money. I don't have your good looks or your resume, but I've done OK in my lifetime with several relationships, even though I've been turned down more times than a 90 year old Jehovah's Witness. You just have to deal with that part introspectively and without bitterness. I have no regrets. Don't talk about yourself or your accomplishments unless asked- and keep it short. Make it about them, because it is about them. Good luck.

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Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said: Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some que...
(Quote) David-820720 said:

Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some questions that appear here every three weeks or so. So far I've met a few woman on this site that have either turned out to be here for all the wrong reasons (I've met one woman who said she was catholic but I found out different later) or have been with woman for only a few dates at most.

Most woman that I have been with use this site to end with me as a grand gesture of distaste (they have my phone number, or they can at least tell me the old fashioned way--in person). Much of it sounds like this, "You're such a great person..." or "I'm inspired by the fact that someone is out there like you..." and extol about how I "radically live the gospel," only to terminate communication with me altogether. So...why aren't we still seeing each other if I'm as great as they say...? Help me out with that one.

I don't get it. I'm athletic, intellectual, have a great cast of friends, go church, go to confession, pray the rosary and read the bible regularly have diverse interests, and have good earnings as well as a job that I'm passionate about. I also have a life that I love and would like to share it with someone. On the other hand it seems that women don't like the idea of someone who sober/in recovery or the fact that I have tattoos--never thought those two things would make women turn their noses up at me.

I think I speak for a lot of men on this site when I say I really don't know what else these women are looking for. Truth be told I think they are too picky. Also truth be told I have found non catholic women a lot more welcoming and open minded. I hate to say it, but it seems like women want a man who has all the gentlemanly courtliness of a 18th century nobleman and all the liberality of a secular modern/adrogynous male. A guy who pays all her way and she gets to keep her paycheck. Just one problem--that guy doesn't exist, and I know A LOT of guys.

Now being who I am, I am open to put all of the above for debate and dialectic. I would love to be proven wrong. on all of the above. A few words to women; all of the above is based on my experience and all of the experience of many men on this site. You're not going to win me over with weak replies that say "but we do exist." There are threads on this site to this effect, one in particular to the effect of women not needing men. Well if it's independence you want, you can have it.

--hide--

David, I haven't been on CM very long, but I think over these last few weeks I've started to realize how challenging it is to really know if the people you are communicating with are actually compatible. It's much easier to figure this out in person. That said, I'd imagine that these women were trying to figure that out through their communications with you on CM and wanted to meet you in person to see if indeed you indeed are compatible. So while I assume they are being genuine (I have no reason to think otherwise) in their statements of admiration for you, they just realized that they we'ren't actually compatible. So follow Elizabeth's advice and keep fishing! God bless!

LOCKED
Jan 8th 2013 new

I'm not sure I can prove you wrong:


Are there women on here who are deceptive? Yes.

Are there women on here who are not here for the right reasons? Yes.

Are there women who are too picky? Yes.

Are there women who are superficial? Yes.

Are there women who are silly or mean? Yes.

Are there women who don't see the value or attraction in a particular person? Yes.

Are there women who are too closed-minded? Yes.


I hear ya. And if you replace 'women' with 'men' the sentences will all also be true. These are not woman-problems or man-problems, they are humanity-problems.


Frankly, dating stinks. crazy "Someone wonderful for you is out there" is only so consoling, especially since you just have to take it on faith that it's true and not just something well-intentioned people say when they don't know what else to say. It's frustrating to continue to not meet the right person. Unfortunately, I don't have any solutions to that problem, and there's only so much you or I can control. But giving up lowers one's odds of success. When I get too frustrated I know I have to take a break and come back when I've built up a better reserve of energy to endure the slings and arrows of the modern dating world. hug Hope it gets better for you, David.

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Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: I'm not sure I can prove you wrong: Are there women on here who are deceptive? Yes...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:

I'm not sure I can prove you wrong:


Are there women on here who are deceptive? Yes.

Are there women on here who are not here for the right reasons? Yes.

Are there women who are too picky? Yes.

Are there women who are superficial? Yes.

Are there women who are silly or mean? Yes.

Are there women who don't see the value or attraction in a particular person? Yes.

Are there women who are too closed-minded? Yes.


I hear ya. And if you replace 'women' with 'men' the sentences will all also be true. These are not woman-problems or man-problems, they are humanity-problems.


Frankly, dating stinks. "Someone wonderful for you is out there" is only so consoling, especially since you just have to take it on faith that it's true and not just something well-intentioned people say when they don't know what else to say. It's frustrating to continue to not meet the right person. Unfortunately, I don't have any solutions to that problem, and there's only so much you or I can control. But giving up lowers one's odds of success. When I get too frustrated I know I have to take a break and come back when I've built up a better reserve of energy to endure the slings and arrows of the modern dating world. Hope it gets better for you, David.

--hide--


Great post, Laura! I think we all need breaks...

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Jan 8th 2013 new

David, I too am sorry that you have not found all that you are looking for on CM or among the Catholic women you have met thus far.

You have asked a pointed question, and I will give you some direct ideas or responses, some of which you may not like to hear.

First, as to your tatoos, has anyone said that that is reason to not date you, or do you assume that somehow? I think it's a sort of silly reason, but I would think you might understand that some feel that tatoos defile the body that God gave you, and while it might mean they are "only tatoos" it is possible that women wonder if you have other ways in which you do not honor the body God gave you (fill in whatever comes to mind). Just a thought to consider, and maybe a conversation to have. Also what are the tatoos? Are they of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, or a dragon or a demon or something like that? Again, tatoos are a means of self expression, and what do they express about you that you may or may not realize?

Second, as to being in recovery and sober, that is a wonderful and good thing, and something to cheered and supported. But, can you imagine that it might also still be a worrisome thing for a woman? As a therapist, you would know that anyone who has had a dependency problem could always relapse...and it could be you...it could be anyone who has had such an issue. Some women are worried about that...I know I would be...someone could be 20 years sober, but there is always a chance they could slip (which I understand all too well), and then where would you be? Married to an alcoholic or drug addict. Some women are not able to chance that. Frankly, I am one of them. I am glad for your recovery and appreciate how hard the road you have walked must be, but myself I would probably not be able to take the chance. And I don't think that is terribly unusual.

Finally, when as you say everything about you seems fine and good and just what girls should want, then all I can say is that it may to be something else that you do not realize. If it were me I would ask someone who you can really trust and who will tell you the truth "is there something about me I really want to know" and if God has placed a good friend in your circle, they will tell you. I encourage you to do that, and say I want you to be honest. Because as you say it's not all the other great things you point out, but apparently, so far, it seems to be something such that each of these women could not "see it" with you so far and enough such women that you are upset.

Finally, I wanted to say what you are experiencing is the very same thing women experience all the time. So my conclusion is that for both of the sexes, each are looking for "something" that while someone is great, they just are not "the one" so it does not work out despite how great the person is. They are just not great for me/you/her/him. That does not mean they are terrible for feeling that way, just the same way if some girl who was whatever the equivalent of a great girl is, but you don't think she is the "one" for you, that does not make you a bad person. So I would not paint these women any differently than you would with yourself as to all the girls I am sure you have "rejected" over the past 20 years for some reason, you could not define or atriculate even.

I hope you find who and what you are looking for, and that God fulfills your vocation to marriage, within his holy will! Praying

LOCKED
Jan 8th 2013 new

I wish there was an emoticon that was a person sitting back with their feet up! wink I am not trying to make fun but I am interested to watching how this topic unfolds.

One of the difficulties with online dating or even online "befriending" is that one typically doesn't get to experience the other in natural settings. When you experience others within context (work together, volunteer with same group, see each other at mass, etc) I think it is much easier to accept who they are (good, bad, indifferent) because you learn more about them through their interactions with you and others. Online is so much more challenging, and admittedly, easier to be judgmental since many times there is no reference point for which to understand the other. And, it is easy to ignore a "picture" on the computer and much easier to say no or goodbye electronically than in person (there is a great quote by Matthew McConeghey in We Are Marshall).

If we are truly waiting for a partner that God has chosen for us, then as difficult as rejection may be, it brings us that much closer to entering the right relationship as well as saving us from spending too much energy on the wrong ones. If we allow it to, it can also teach us patience and trust, and help people with the negative self-talk that occurs when we feel rejected, placing that rejection in God's hands. On that same token, if friendship is truly the basis of your relationship (and it truly should be in my opinion), then whether or not the relationship progresses, friendship at some level should remain.

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Jan 8th 2013 new

Elizabeth: Where can I find the pink room because I want to converse with the ladies laughing? By the way why is it called the pink room eyebrow?

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Jan 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said: Elizabeth: Where can I find the pink room because I want to converse with the ladies ? By the way...
(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said:

Elizabeth: Where can I find the pink room because I want to converse with the ladies ? By the way why is it called the pink room ?

--hide--


Nice try! I believe it is a forum that does not show up for men. Perhaps you have one similar, a "Men's Discussion" on your forum home page? Or are only the ladies lucky enough to get their own forum?

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