David, Thank you for your response to the responses of everyone else. I am happy that you are learning that in order to be the best mate, you need to work on yourself. Your comment abt "impossibly high standards" also hits quite close to home for me, because I have grown comfortable being single now that the kids are (usually) out of the nest. Relationships take time and are hard work and (here's my excuse) if I blame being single on my disability, that means I can pretend I'm looking while not really working at it, right?! Twisted, I know.
If anyone is interested, here are some books that I have found to be helpful and often recommend to others: Brenda Schaeffer's 3rd edition of Is It Love or Is It Addiction? and Attached by Amir Levine and Rachael Heller. They really provide insight into important issues.
Also, David, you are exactly at the age I was when in my "having babies" phase. I wonder if that isn't what many in your age cohort are doing now. I learned in grad school that a good chunk of marriages end after the "having babies" stage. Things have changed so much in the dominant culture in terms of the number of people who live w/each other rather than marry from a generation ago.