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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 19th 2013 new

David, Thank you for your response to the responses of everyone else. I am happy that you are learning that in order to be the best mate, you need to work on yourself. Your comment abt "impossibly high standards" also hits quite close to home for me, because I have grown comfortable being single now that the kids are (usually) out of the nest. Relationships take time and are hard work and (here's my excuse) if I blame being single on my disability, that means I can pretend I'm looking while not really working at it, right?! Twisted, I know. embarassed

If anyone is interested, here are some books that I have found to be helpful and often recommend to others: Brenda Schaeffer's 3rd edition of Is It Love or Is It Addiction? and Attached by Amir Levine and Rachael Heller. They really provide insight into important issues.

Also, David, you are exactly at the age I was when in my "having babies" phase. I wonder if that isn't what many in your age cohort are doing now. I learned in grad school that a good chunk of marriages end after the "having babies" stage. Things have changed so much in the dominant culture in terms of the number of people who live w/each other rather than marry from a generation ago.

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Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said: Dear all, Thank you for your posts and for the courage to post to what I have wri...
(Quote) David-820720 said:

Dear all,

Thank you for your posts and for the courage to post to what I have written. Indeed I know in saying all that I said I actively put my head out there on the chopping block. That being said, I know I would get some negative feedback and comments to what I say. I'm pretty thick skinned and can weather those. They didn't have any real suggestions or feedback and generally they weren't helpful. Some women were offended and that could say many things about them. What, I can only speculate but I have yet to lose sleep over what they said.

On the other hand I would like to thank those who did help, especially, Pat, Lauren, Peter and a few other would deserve honorable mention. They gave me cause to adjust my perspective and made me think, which is what I appreciate in those I call friends. In my quest to find, "the one," I know in my heart that I must also look at my character defects and work to change them, which is a lifelong quest for me. One priest who has made an impression in my life stated that this action is the Christian life until the day I die. I have not deviated from it and have learned much from the women in my life including some of those who have broken up with me--some are friends with me to this day.

What I intended to share was part of my experience in dating, which is not a guessing game, however I acknowledge that it can be tainted with my perceptions. I personally think that the intenet has done two disservices to mankind--1)it had made us more judgemental, 2) it has flattened out the value of everyone's opinion so that you really have to sift through plenty of chaff to get the slightest bit of wheat.

All of this being said I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make impossibly high standards for the opposite sex, mostly because they don't know who they are nor do they know what they want. I guess this is all part of the learning process for those who do know who they are (or on the way of finding out.)

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David, I am so glad that you are so thick skinned. When I made my first response to this thread I was hoping that you are not the fragile type. I just wish I were your age or you mine, because I like you already. If I had met someone like you when I was around your age I wouldn't have dumped you, as long as you treated me like a Lady and were patient with me. But since I am 16 years your senior, some other Lady gets to be "the one." sad weeping

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Jan 20th 2013 new
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: Wow, did this same Fr. Philip tell you this too? I wish a priest would have given me this sage spiri...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:



Wow, did this same Fr. Philip tell you this too? I wish a priest would have given me this sage spiritual advice. It would have made my discernment a whole heck of a lot easier!!

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Actually it was my current spiritual advisor that told me that advice....
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Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: Actually it was my current spiritual advisor that told me that advice....
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said:

Actually it was my current spiritual advisor that told me that advice....
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I wished I lived closer and could get him to be my spiritual advisor too!

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Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said: Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some que...
(Quote) David-820720 said:

Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some questions that appear here every three weeks or so. So far I've met a few woman on this site that have either turned out to be here for all the wrong reasons (I've met one woman who said she was catholic but I found out different later) or have been with woman for only a few dates at most.

Most woman that I have been with use this site to end with me as a grand gesture of distaste (they have my phone number, or they can at least tell me the old fashioned way--in person). Much of it sounds like this, "You're such a great person..." or "I'm inspired by the fact that someone is out there like you..." and extol about how I "radically live the gospel," only to terminate communication with me altogether. So...why aren't we still seeing each other if I'm as great as they say...? Help me out with that one.

I don't get it. I'm athletic, intellectual, have a great cast of friends, go church, go to confession, pray the rosary and read the bible regularly have diverse interests, and have good earnings as well as a job that I'm passionate about. I also have a life that I love and would like to share it with someone. On the other hand it seems that women don't like the idea of someone who sober/in recovery or the fact that I have tattoos--never thought those two things would make women turn their noses up at me.

I think I speak for a lot of men on this site when I say I really don't know what else these women are looking for. Truth be told I think they are too picky. Also truth be told I have found non catholic women a lot more welcoming and open minded. I hate to say it, but it seems like women want a man who has all the gentlemanly courtliness of a 18th century nobleman and all the liberality of a secular modern/adrogynous male. A guy who pays all her way and she gets to keep her paycheck. Just one problem--that guy doesn't exist, and I know A LOT of guys.

Now being who I am, I am open to put all of the above for debate and dialectic. I would love to be proven wrong. on all of the above. A few words to women; all of the above is based on my experience and all of the experience of many men on this site. You're not going to win me over with weak replies that say "but we do exist." There are threads on this site to this effect, one in particular to the effect of women not needing men. Well if it's independence you want, you can have it.

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Jan 20th 2013 new

Hi David. It is silly to think a true catholic who is inspired by the holy spirit would dismiss you due to tatoos, or previous lifestyle which you are no longer living. Please do not see it that way. That is nutty. love and peace:)



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Jan 20th 2013 new
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: I wished I lived closer and could get him to be my spiritual advisor too!
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:




I wished I lived closer and could get him to be my spiritual advisor too!

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And he emails us the homilies if we visit a different church or happen to have to stay home due to illness.
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Jan 20th 2013 new
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: And he emails us the homilies if we visit a different church or happen to have to stay home due to illness...
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said:

And he emails us the homilies if we visit a different church or happen to have to stay home due to illness.
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He was such a blessing after the loss of my son, I would visit with him in between seeing the counselor who helped with my grief work. I feel like my parish is very blessed to have him. When Andrew was in ICU in the coma he came to the hospital every day to Annoint Andrew & to give communion to the family members. He told us how important the Eurcharist was & that it would help us stay strong in our time of need.
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Jan 20th 2013 new

You may not be getting dates but think of the awesome rationalizations you get to read in the forums.

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