Well said Barbara.
So David, don't get discourage, keep fishing...
info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.
Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
I've been online for a while and the way I've evolved is that having the opportunity to meet good woman is an accomplishment unto itself. I've evolved a lot by just meeting quality woman.
Just see each interaction and face to face as a joy to itself and don't get too caught up in whether it works out or not its all about expectations management.I mean of course we'd like things to work out but there is only so much in our control.
Persevere in your search and just enjoy the roller coaster ride. This is way better than just sitting on the couch hoping a potential spouse just drops out of the sky.
"I hate to say it, but it seems like women want a man who has all the gentlemanly courtliness of a 18th century nobleman and all the liberality of a secular modern/adrogynous male. A guy who pays all her way and she gets to keep her paycheck."
Congratulations for seeing through these superficial women, David. It is great to see that you can tell when someone is beating around the bush with you when they make statements like "You're such a great person..." or "I'm inspired by the fact that someone is out there like you..." and extol about how I "radically live the gospel,". We are all in and out of this life in a wink of an eye. So there is no point in wasting your time with them. Right? Now pull up a chair and have yourself a cup of and listen to what I am saying here.
The statement above that you made will offend more than a few on this website, even if they know that it doesn't apply to them. The comparison you made about non-catholic women and Catholic women is pretty insulting; if I did not know any better, it implies what you are saying is that you would be happier in a non-catholic/catholic relationship/marriage because non-catholic women are not as selfish as Catholic women. Of course there are other ways it could be interpreted. Now I am not going to argue about whether there are some women on this website who are this way or not, but if you really believe that THOSE ARE THE KIND OF WOMEN that are on this website, then you might be more gullible than you know and you must not have dated that many non-catholic women if any at all. Have you ever tried facebook? My brother has , and he has ran into quite a lot of educated-working-class-non-catholic women there who appeared to be more welcoming and open minded, but they were also not shy when it came to asking for money right away to pay their rent and buy groceries for them through the internet via his Mastercard or Visa.
Have faith David, the right one for you will come along.
Just some thoughts about my experience on this site and I'm sure that I will recycle some questions that appear here every three weeks or so. So far I've met a few woman on this site that have either turned out to be here for all the wrong reasons (I've met one woman who said she was catholic but I found out different later) or have been with woman for only a few dates at most.
Most woman that I have been with use this site to end with me as a grand gesture of distaste (they have my phone number, or they can at least tell me the old fashioned way--in person). Much of it sounds like this, "You're such a great person..." or "I'm inspired by the fact that someone is out there like you..." and extol about how I "radically live the gospel," only to terminate communication with me altogether. So...why aren't we still seeing each other if I'm as great as they say...? Help me out with that one.
I don't get it. I'm athletic, intellectual, have a great cast of friends, go church, go to confession, pray the rosary and read the bible regularly have diverse interests, and have good earnings as well as a job that I'm passionate about. I also have a life that I love and would like to share it with someone. On the other hand it seems that women don't like the idea of someone who sober/in recovery or the fact that I have tattoos--never thought those two things would make women turn their noses up at me.
I think I speak for a lot of men on this site when I say I really don't know what else these women are looking for. Truth be told I think they are too picky. Also truth be told I have found non catholic women a lot more welcoming and open minded. I hate to say it, but it seems like women want a man who has all the gentlemanly courtliness of a 18th century nobleman and all the liberality of a secular modern/adrogynous male. A guy who pays all her way and she gets to keep her paycheck. Just one problem--that guy doesn't exist, and I know A LOT of guys.
Now being who I am, I am open to put all of the above for debate and dialectic. I would love to be proven wrong. on all of the above. A few words to women; all of the above is based on my experience and all of the experience of many men on this site. You're not going to win me over with weak replies that say "but we do exist." There are threads on this site to this effect, one in particular to the effect of women not needing men. Well if it's independence you want, you can have it.
I have been here for at least 8 years and I have not found the person here. I think that anyone who expects it to happen within months is expecting a lot. On the other hand some people actually do meet someone fairly quickly. There was a farewell thread by Patrick that was put up 2 months back and then I bumped it up for advice it might offer anyone who is discouraged. I will bump it again for your benefit, David. I think though that anyone who thinks this process is easy or happens quickly is going to be disappointed. I have made MANY and COUNTLESS friends here. Prior to being here I would be at mass and WONDER where the singles were and I can tell you they are HERE. THAT alone has been worthwhile for me to learn. We have rosary phonecalls where participants pray and say the rosary together. This is a community. It can be easier for some but for others being on site longer has its benefits. We have all prayed 54 day Rosary Novenas together. There are benefits to praying together and meeting like minded Catholics.
Here is a thread of a man, Patrick who met someone and his announcement and how he kept his focus while here in the process ofo trying to find his match.
Hey, David, I'm glad that you have practiced healthy venting abt your frustrations with the dating scene by starting this thread. I have loved a man who was a recovering alcoholic (a widower sober for 15 years who died in a car accident while we were dating). I know what many women do not know -- people become alcoholics or drug addicts because they feel deeply but don't have good coping skills, and they're usually great people. The fact that you have turned this around and are a therapist actually points out that you're a great catch with a great future. CM women, have you noticed?
So yeah, welcome to the real world of dating online. Different motivations on this site than other sites, but they still need to be figured out. Suggestion: Some women in your age bracket have indicated interest on this thread. Be sure to check them out. Also, don't forget abt being present in the real world to all the possibilities. All of this will help with yo urspiritual developmt and also deepen your enjoymt of life.
I have to say, good job Lovely CM Ladies Good advice.
Hahummm, not very good at this but here it goes. David, the best things in life ain't free, but you can give them to the birds and the bees. OK, that didn't work and I will keep my day job.
We all want more than we can have. I sort of get turned off by a list of expectations as I am the first to admit I am a work in progress. I would change your profile to something simple for us simple people and modest and wait for the like-mindedness conversations for the first date or so.
Yes, dating is very complicated and I agree that we all get discouraged. Heck, I was thinking about becoming a moderator or maybe a nun, but I don't think that's what the Lord wants of me I think we need to fish like the posts above me which all were excellent and not lose Hope. Sometimes things will happen when we least expect it. When I give up, that's when I get dates. And then I am so rusty that I screw them up.
OK, enough of my bantering. Good luck to you Dave in what ever you desire to do and don't feel jaded. This dating is Not EZ for anyone bottom line! So don't be judging and be kind, and some day your princess will appear!
I love poppcorn during a good Post
If you approach women with these pre-conceived prejudices it could be the reason communication ends. I have not come across any of the women you speak of on these forums. Why the seeming anger and judgement? That does not endear you to women at all. Honey is much better than vinegar.
I've been here a very long time, a very very long time, and this has been an ongoing issue, just today I exchanged emails with another long time member and she has pretty much voiced what you said, I've had my share of experiences, hurts and disappointments but I keep on keeping on, although my original intent of joining this site was to find a Godly spouse and the man who God has for me, but I've expanded my horizons...however, I know this is not the point of the posting. Sadly, I think there are many members on here who don't know what they want, and I'm not talking about younger folks, I'm talking about folks across several age ranges, there has been a loss of common courtesy...their is a mentality that just because it's the Internet, 'who cares' dare we remember that, on the other side of the 'puter screen there is a human? That profile is an actual person? And people are just plain ole scared, scared of being hurt, scared of loving, scared of stepping of their comfort zones, scared of...you get the drift....what the heck are we scared of?! Don't we have a loving God who wants the best for us? So what Bubba dumped us?! So what Amy Lu, found and married the quarterback?! Only means, God wants something different for us, it maybe now, it maybe later, but it may be...and if we believe , IT WILL BE...during Mass, on Christmas Eve, father said something interesting...we all celebrate Jesus's birth, we conceive Him in allowing Him into our hearts and we keep him by living our faith, receiving the sacraments and loving one another...I've remembered as such...BCK BELIEVE CONCEIVE KEEP....so....do Believe that the Lord has someone special for you in His time, despite the negative you may have experienced here, don't let THE ENEMY mess with you, there is nothing more that that one likes...I know....one thing that has lead to my longevity on this site (many may think I'm crazy staying here so long but I have my reasons) is giving instead of 'receiving' meaning, if I find an interesting profile, posting, I'll just send a note and not expect anything in return, I offer my friendship, prayer, consolation and this is for all, not just men, many forget that great awesome friendships can be garnered from this site as well....however, Ok, I'm rambling because I'm just typing off the cuff here, we need to be conscientious and kind, like we'd be with anyone at work, at church, at a social event, the Internet should not be any different, ESPECIALLY A CATHOLIC SITE! and we should not allow our past experience to jade or affect how we act in the here and now...SO....This is a NEW YEAR...let's attempt to live differently in our online 'lives' to put it that way, so...send those emotigrams, reach out and don't be afraid, and also, treat others like you'd like to be treated, and if someone doesn't have the courtesy to treat you in kind then realize you may not want that person in your life after all...also...give people the benefit of a doubt, there have been stories of folks answering emails months later for whatever reason and relationships and/or marriages have come from that...good thing is to let go and let God...after all...ISN'T HE IN CONTROL TO BEGIN WITH?! Just saying!