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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Joe-650005 said: David, your frustrations are common among both sexes. The more I learn about women more I realize how much...
(Quote) Joe-650005 said: David, your frustrations are common among both sexes. The more I learn about women more I realize how much we are alike when it comes to finding a potential spouse. I think admitting certain things is the first step. Looks do matter to both men and women. To many times we as men are blamed for being superficial when, speaking from experience, women are guilty of it just as often. But is it a negative thing, to want an attractive spouse, when we have our priorities straight? Absolutly not. Profiles without a picture will never interest me enough to want to meet the person. The second thing that has to be admitted is women want a man who is making a living, the guy has to have money- not a bad thing. I also wanted to comment about your obsevation of a post that stated that "women dont need men," which I think is not true. The modern world is built on men and women being completely the same, and thats why its failing but this new understanding of gender is completely flawed. This sameness leans to the belief that one does not need the other.
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Welcome to the fora, Joe. You are wise beyond your years. I will look forward to reading more of your posts.


- Elizabeth

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Jan 19th 2013 new

Dear all,

Thank you for your posts and for the courage to post to what I have written. Indeed I know in saying all that I said I actively put my head out there on the chopping block. That being said, I know I would get some negative feedback and comments to what I say. I'm pretty thick skinned and can weather those. They didn't have any real suggestions or feedback and generally they weren't helpful. Some women were offended and that could say many things about them. What, I can only speculate but I have yet to lose sleep over what they said.

On the other hand I would like to thank those who did help, especially, Pat, Lauren, Peter and a few other would deserve honorable mention. They gave me cause to adjust my perspective and made me think, which is what I appreciate in those I call friends. In my quest to find, "the one," I know in my heart that I must also look at my character defects and work to change them, which is a lifelong quest for me. One priest who has made an impression in my life stated that this action is the Christian life until the day I die. I have not deviated from it and have learned much from the women in my life including some of those who have broken up with me--some are friends with me to this day.

What I intended to share was part of my experience in dating, which is not a guessing game, however I acknowledge that it can be tainted with my perceptions. I personally think that the intenet has done two disservices to mankind--1)it had made us more judgemental, 2) it has flattened out the value of everyone's opinion so that you really have to sift through plenty of chaff to get the slightest bit of wheat.

All of this being said I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make impossibly high standards for the opposite sex, mostly because they don't know who they are nor do they know what they want. I guess this is all part of the learning process for those who do know who they are (or on the way of finding out.)

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Jan 19th 2013 new
I totally agree with your post.I feel meeting people in everyday life is easier for me.I can read the

person a lot better & someone always knows the person.
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Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said: All of this being said I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make imposs...
(Quote) David-820720 said: All of this being said I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make impossibly high standards for the opposite sex, mostly because they don't know who they are nor do they know what they want.
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And in living your faith and knowing yourself, you know they are probably not "the one" for you. I'm learning more and more that although I may not like the cross I'm asked to bear at this point in my life, I'm sure He wasn't too thrilled either hanging on a cross and handing over His life just for being who He was.

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Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: I had a Priest tell me about a year before my son passed that if someone seems angry all the time th...
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said:
I had a Priest tell me about a year before my son passed that if someone seems angry all the time they are usually being pulled by God in a different direction and they are too busy running the other way to allow God to help them discern his will.....I have a feeling this was true in my sons life.....
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Wow, did this same Fr. Philip tell you this too? I wish a priest would have given me this sage spiritual advice. It would have made my discernment a whole heck of a lot easier!!

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Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said: I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make impossibly high standa...
(Quote) David-820720 said:

I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make impossibly high standards for the opposite sex, mostly because they don't know who they are nor do they know what they want.

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What are the "impossibly high" standards you refer to here?

In some cases, when referring to superficial standards, you are right on the money. However, I've seen similar comments made about those with high moral standards who are looking for no more than what God expects from each of us. I propose that these people do know who they are; they do know what they want; and, most important, they know what God wants from them and their spouse.

While such standards may be uncomfortably high, they are certainly not impossibly so. The real problem is that many don't want to meet such standards. For those who do want to meet them but don't today, don't be discouraged! Make friends with people whose standards you want to emulate, and spend less time with those whose standards you don't. Let them pull you up rather than dragging them down.

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Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said:All of this being said I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make impossi...
(Quote) David-820720 said:All of this being said I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make impossibly high standards for the opposite sex, mostly because they don't know who they are nor do they know what they want. I guess this is all part of the learning process for those who do know who they are (or on the way of finding out.)

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Yep. And that is the cold hard truth, isn't it? (And I know you are not talking about high moral standards as referenced in the previous post - you made that clear in your original post.) So what do we do with that information? Trust that there are other people out there like us who have figured out that we're a pretty broken bunch on the Planet Earth and have reasonable expectations for finding someone to walk with us through this journey called LIFE. God bless you David!

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Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) David-820720 said: Dear all, Thank you for your posts and for the courage to post to what I have wri...
(Quote) David-820720 said:

Dear all,

Thank you for your posts and for the courage to post to what I have written. Indeed I know in saying all that I said I actively put my head out there on the chopping block. That being said, I know I would get some negative feedback and comments to what I say. I'm pretty thick skinned and can weather those. They didn't have any real suggestions or feedback and generally they weren't helpful. Some women were offended and that could say many things about them. What, I can only speculate but I have yet to lose sleep over what they said.

On the other hand I would like to thank those who did help, especially, Pat, Lauren, Peter and a few other would deserve honorable mention. They gave me cause to adjust my perspective and made me think, which is what I appreciate in those I call friends. In my quest to find, "the one," I know in my heart that I must also look at my character defects and work to change them, which is a lifelong quest for me. One priest who has made an impression in my life stated that this action is the Christian life until the day I die. I have not deviated from it and have learned much from the women in my life including some of those who have broken up with me--some are friends with me to this day.

What I intended to share was part of my experience in dating, which is not a guessing game, however I acknowledge that it can be tainted with my perceptions. I personally think that the intenet has done two disservices to mankind--1)it had made us more judgemental, 2) it has flattened out the value of everyone's opinion so that you really have to sift through plenty of chaff to get the slightest bit of wheat.

All of this being said I still think that there are those out there (both women and men) who make impossibly high standards for the opposite sex, mostly because they don't know who they are nor do they know what they want. I guess this is all part of the learning process for those who do know who they are (or on the way of finding out.)

--hide--


Hi David, I am glad you came back, I was little worried about you.

Although I did know you were able to handle rejection from your previous postings.

Perhaps, we all have high standards, they are just impossibly high - when we are not the one meant to be with that person for life.

For some, living in Minnesota or New Hampshire might be an impossibly high standard, its supposed to -20 F here on Tuesday. snowman yikes.

Missed you.

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Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Well if it's independence you want, you can have it.
(Quote) Well if it's independence you want, you can have it.
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BINGO! That is the key - to act as though you do not need her!

Look some great movies out there tell the story: Rio Bravo, McLintock, Donavon's Reef are excellect stories. Okay, all have John Wayne in them so you are warned.

Each is a story how a man is on his mission when a woman gets in the way. The man stands strong in defiance to her powers-she is testing him. One way I get women to like me is to speak my mine especially is she does not like it. She is looking for a man who can put-up with her fire. I told one lady how I disagreed with her views of that Missourian politician on legitimate rape; she could not prove me wrong - she hated that...we became friends afterwards. Some just don't know the best is saved for last. Look at this way...if she does not like you, then her friends won't like you...that saves you from much. :)

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Jan 19th 2013 new

David,

Thank you for being vulnerable in sharing. And, just so you know, I honor you in your recovery, and oftentimes I find it more meaningful connecting with those who have had to wrestle through a lot in their lives. Oftentimes I am very inspired and blest by others who have been through 12 step and other recovery programs... they at times can seem more real and honest in their brokenness... And, truly we all are broken and so it calls forth a realness in us as well :).
I think there is great wisdom in what was said about God being ultimately in charge in knowing what's best for us, and openning and closing doors as He will through the actions of others. But (as a means of validating you) that doesn't discount the fact that many people can and will treat us unlovingly in the process, and it's good and healthy for us to acknowledge that it hurt and whatever else we might feel (at least within ourselves and with God), lest we become hard hearted. And, ultimately, if they are striving to grow as a Christian, they will eventually be called forth to change and become more Christlike in their interactions.
Blessings to you :)

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