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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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I'm new to dating sites, so don't know much about forums, blogs, etc., so I'm posting this here. I’m hoping God will answer my prayer. I’m 55, never married, he’s 56 and divorced. I “met” him online a year and a half ago, verified that he is “real”, eligible, and who he says he is. He’s phoned and emailed fairly consistently, and we have great "phone chemistry." I fell in love with him based on that, our conversations, his pictures. My mistake might have been in telling him that! embarassed He assured me that we'll meet, yet every time we make plans, he backs out at the last minute. I’ve met his best friends, who say not to give up hope because he’s a great guy. He was opposed to long distance, so I have provisionally left my South Florida home (where he has a timeshare that he hasn’t used in years) and relocated to Poughkeepsie, NY. He’s sent me pictures of his place, even given me a “guided tour” of the town by phone as I drove around, but still no in-person meeting. When I ask him point-blank why we can’t meet, he falls silent, has no answer other than it’s not a good time and he has to wait until he’s “ready” even though he knows he could lose me. He’s broken off contact four times in the past year and a half because he tells me I’m “rushing things.” Yet after the last break-up he found someone else on the site, immediately began an exclusive relationship, apparently proposed, was dumped, and told me about that. My response was to say I wished it was me that he wanted the “exclusive relationship” with. I guess he sees something in her that he doesn't see in me. People tell me I’m crazy to wait this long with no encouragement, but I believe in the power of prayer and am willing to wait the rest of my life if that’s what it takes to be with him. I wish I knew what the problem is. I'm encouraged by other posts/comments here that it could simply be that he is the one for me, but he's not ready yet, has unfinished business. Your thoughts?

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Jan 9th 2013 new

Cathy welcome to CM and to the forums.

My dear sister, are you saying you moved to NY from Florida to be closer to someone who you have not yet met in person, and upon your arrival, he has refused to see you in person? That you have talked for a year and a half with him, and he has blown you off to meet you in the flesh several times? That he says you are 'rushing' things?

You deserve so so much better than this. I would guess the guy is actually married, or has some huge problems that he is not revealing.

I am so sorry you are going through this, but you need to protect your heart if this is the case. hug

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Jan 9th 2013 new
Dear Cathy,

reading your message just made all my "alarm bells" ring. From what you are writing, I get the impression that there is something wrong with that man. So deeply wrong that if you would be my sister, I would strongly advise you to completely withdraw from that situation and stop any further Email and phone contact.

Honesty is key to healthy relationships. And if it starts mysterious like this, it just seems like a big warning sign. Your heart got attached, but your head is telling you the way.

All the best,

Monika
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Jan 9th 2013 new

Thank you for your post, Pat. He's not married or apparently even seeing anyone, as the woman he pursued after meeting her in April dumped him in July, and though he excitedly told me she "wanted to talk" a month ago, he hasn't mentioned her again.


Most people do tell me to just give up on him. Still, he's the only man who's ever really paid any attention to me, and it seemed to me we have excellent compatibility. I've been on this site, match, POF, senior people, belong to multiple singles and meetup groups, but I've never had a response from any man other than they either think I'm lying about my lack of dating experience or see it as a "red flag" about me. I was hoping on a religious site to hear more stories like mine in which prayers have been answered.

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Jan 9th 2013 new

Thank you, Monika. My head and my heart both tell me to keep the faith and God will grant me happiness with this man if I just can be patient enough. I don't know how dating is supposed to work. I'm so discouraged when I see other woman having relationships with men. I don't know what men are really looking for. This man's profile description of what he wants, how there's nothing to keep him from true love, etc., seemed to be written just for me. I've met his best friend and also coincidentally answered an apartment ad posted by what turned out to be another friend and neighbor of his, but once that man found out who I was, I've had no reply. Interestingly, he has dropped me on Facebook because his friends say there's something wrong with me, and even that they fear that I'm a stalker and he is in danger!

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Jan 9th 2013 new

You desrve much better than what he is giving you! DO NOT Settle for this man! So far you are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking -- you movedand he won't even see you???? He will never give you a real relationship if he is happy juststringing you along!!


A bad relationship IS NOT better than NO relationship! Hold out for areal man, not a player like this one!


Please respect and love yourself to AT LEAST demand real answersand proof that hisanswersare true, but really, you need to move on and not change your life all around to try to meet a man who is just a shadowy voice! He should be pursuing you, not you doing all the pursuing and getting nothing!!!

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Jan 9th 2013 new

Thank you, Rachel. This kind of advice sounds reasonable, and I do get it from women. Yet his best friend, Steve, just advises me to hang in there. His other friend, Christopher, with the apartment, hasn't responded at all, and I suspect he simply forwarded my email on to him. Yet he hasn't advised me to move on either. This is the first time in my life I've actually had a man really notice me at all. I'm willing to make any sacrifice, do whatever I have to, to make this work. I'm told men like the "thrill of the chase", and because I didn't seem enough of a "challenge" for him from the outset, he'll continue to treat me with disdain.

I'm sure there are many things about him that I don't know, and it is hard to know him when all I get is silence when I ask questions. I'd love to have more people who know him (even his ex-wife) talk to me, but they all ignore me, saying I'm the problem, not him.

My only consolation has been this passage from Matthew:

21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

Surely my prayer that he will want to meet me isn't as unreasonable as asking the mountain to jump into the sea? But this advises me that if I can just have enough faith, believe with all my heart, my greatest wish will be granted.



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Jan 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Cathy-934149 said: Thank you, Monika. My head and my heart both tell me to keep the faith and God will grant me hap...
(Quote) Cathy-934149 said:

Thank you, Monika. My head and my heart both tell me to keep the faith and God will grant me happiness with this man if I just can be patient enough. I don't know how dating is supposed to work. I'm so discouraged when I see other woman having relationships with men. I don't know what men are really looking for. This man's profile description of what he wants, how there's nothing to keep him from true love, etc., seemed to be written just for me. I've met his best friend and also coincidentally answered an apartment ad posted by what turned out to be another friend and neighbor of his, but once that man found out who I was, I've had no reply. Interestingly, he has dropped me on Facebook because his friends say there's something wrong with me, and even that they fear that I'm a stalker and he is in danger!

--hide--



A few things are hard to follow. You're 55, never married and don't know how dating is supposed to work? That combination doesn't seem to go together unless you've never dated before. But in any event, that's probably irrelevant, his refusal to meet is a sure sign that he (or his best friend that you've met) are hiding something. Simply put, if you relocated to be closer to him and he's not willing to show up after this long, one of three things applies. Either he lied about his appearance/background, he's still married and/or his divorce isn't final, or he's playing the field. There is absolutely no reason why someone would wait that long unless the truth wasn't being told.

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Jan 9th 2013 new
Cathy -- you are selling yourself so short! You are not going to get anywhere with this man because he is getting all he wants! He enjoys talking to you on the phone, emailing you, but he does not want you to actually enter his life and 'be real' in living, breathing 3D!! You are just a toy! He can ignore you, your questions, your desires, because he is getting all he wants from this one-sided relationship and stringing you along because you are so worried about this tiny minnow getting away and determined to keep him even though you were fishing for tuna and barely stepped out from shore! Throw him back! Rebait your hook and step out in deeper, richer waters! Go get a good therapist who will help you understand why you think you are so under serving of a good man that you are willing to throw yourself at this man time and again with no result. His best friend is egging you on to let him treat you badly and his other friend doesn't want involved. Just turn and go home and live where you want and pray that God opens your eyes to your selfworth.
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Jan 9th 2013 new

Thank you, Brian. I sometimes feel as if I'm the only woman my age who has never dated. I've never been asked out, or been accepted when I ask men if they'd like to go out with me. People tell me I try too hard, or that I'm doing the wrong things, or I need to change my looks. I've paid psychologists, life coaches, dating "experts", consulted priests, friends, relatives, even strangers on blogs like this, but nothing I try seems to work.

As for him, he is who he says he is. I did a thorough check on him, and he's been divorced for decades, lives alone, isn't seeing anyone, and is verified to complain that he can't "get a woman to stick around." I've tried to get closer to him by getting interested in things he says he's interested in - taken sailing lessons, motorcycle riding lessons and got my license, learned all about car mechanics, RV camping, all of it. He told me there's no reason he can state why he is reluctant to meet, saying that great phone compatibility, mutual attraction, and having everything in common, isn't enough unless he can first be sure there's "chemistry." When I point out that no one can tell there's chemistry until they do meet, he has no answer. He has lots of friends, but except for Steve and his wife, they all say I'm the one with the red flags, I'm needy, clingy, desperate, probably a stalker and someone he should avoid. Before he unfriended me on Facebook, I saw him posting about how his heart was broken when the woman he'd given his heart to turned him down (this was the woman he met online after the third time he broke off contact with me, and these posts came a mere two weeks after he'd met her). So I can't believe he is cold-hearted and doesn't truly want a woman in his life. I just want to be that woman.

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