Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
I was responding to this: I've also been told in the past that I can come across as looking like I think I'm better than others
It was a JOKE...
That's what I though. Hahaha.
I trust God implicitly, daily, and intuitively, Jackie. It's just the intentions and attitudes of the distaff side, for the most part, over the last 10 or 11 years, reaching back to the St. Raphael days, that I look at with a severely jaundiced eye. I know it's a generalization, but, I think it's been borne out by the results and discussions (in both our respective 'neutral corners' ie the pinkie room or cave) of many interactions here.
What it comes down to, I think, is an inflated expectation of what this site and its members (both paying and otherwise) are. I keep saying this: CM is NO diffferent, when you take a slice across the population, than the characteristics of what you'll find on any other single/mingle/dating site on the net. There's a minimal 'catholic' (with a small "C") veneer, and we certainly are free to talk about God, the Church, sacraments and sacramental life...but, when the rubber meets the road, in my experience, and I'm sure that of many others both men and women, it is just the same outcomes, stresses, issues, etc. It's just that the level of expectation is higher (perhaps unjustifiably so...) here because of the 'Catholic' moniker.
We're all floundering sinners here. If anyone's wondering, complaining, sniping, or just plain depressed over why no one talks/emotes/emails/calls/looks/etc or goes walkabout/poofs/ignores/flips off my entreaties...all you have to do is look in the mirror. The solution to the problem is staring you in the face. Don't hold someone to a higher standard than you yourself are willing to assume. I'm not perfect. I don't expect the person with whom (if that is God's will) I will spend the rest of this life with to be. It would be good to remember that. None of us are that flipping special and the bargain of the century.
I have tried to say the same thing over and over.. People act the same here as the cross section of any dating site.. The fact that we are all Catholic is strictly anecdotal..
Michael I understand that this is a hard period for you but you might want to view the situation not as not being able to be married in the Church but as still being married because you are. Since you are married, the Church and God requires you to be faithful to that spouse and seeking an outside relationship falls outside of that boundary. So it is more than not being able to be married in the Church but just practicing fidelity to your current spouse in a difficult time. That practice of the discipline of fidelity to sacramental marriage will prepare you to be a much better spouse in the future. Rather than focusing on the pain and on filling that void with another person use that time to learn to fill it with God. God often uses those periods of deep pain and longing as homing beacons to cleave us to his heart. By cleaving to his heart he will heal you from the pain and hurt from your broken marriage and make you a whole and healed person for your future spouse. This is a hard message to hear but it is the truth and because I care so deeply for your soul I will always tell you the truth. Trust me Michael but most of all use this time to trust God. No person or spouse can fill the void in our heart. Only God can and to have that expectation of a spouse will lead you to even further disappointment and hurt. A spouse is only meant to be a partner in the journey to God and the fullfillment that He brings but not the source of fullfillment. I hope that you take this in love and in the Spirit that it is meant to be.
I thought and prayed for a while before writing this post but I saw another post you wrote and felt the pain in it and the longing. I just want to assure you that the longing that you are feeling can ONLY be filled with God. No human being can meet that need no matter how right they are for you.To think that will only set you up to be hurt.
Rest assured of my prayers and my understanding that this is a difficult time in your life. I can feel the pain in your writing and my heart aches for you. It will not always be so. I went through the annulment process over 4 years (almost 5 years ago now) and am only now as of a little over 2 weeks ago considering dating. I am not saying that it will be the same for you, or even that it is the right way, but I beg you to give yourself time to heal your heart and build your relationship with God. It will (your future marriage if your marriage is indeed declared null and void) and you will be so much happier if you do.
Thank you for your reply, which I certainly have taken as I believe you intended it. My current spouse sounds as though she is already practically engaged, and is making plans for a wonderful life with whoever-he-is, her daughter, and our children. It seems those who don't practice faith get off with much less Earthly heartbreak.
I have tried to find practical ways to work on faith. Christ Renews His Parish and That Man Is You have helped some, though TMIY especially seems tailored to the married/with children set of guys who haven't had the misfortune of divorce. Yes, many have been through divorce, but the message is tailored for married men. Many of the sessions can be difficult to take, as they're simply reminders of being alone with no chance (for now) of fulfillment that comes from building a strong marriage. As a divorced, but still married guy, there's no practical way to apply a good deal of what is discussed. We'll see how Semester 2 goes. The sole Young Adults group I have found in Tampa seems to be a dead end for building friendships due to reasons given in an earlier post. I'll continue to attend for the time being but it seems as though the "ex friend" has already tainted any chance I have of building friendships there. I suppose next time I should just ask a Justice of the Peace to marry me to any old Catholic girl who comes along, since her biological clock is ticking, with no concern for the status of my annulment decision.
So, from a practical standpoint it seems as though I need to find a way to fill this immensely deep hole in my heart with fruits of the Spirit. Being divorced and not yet annulled seems almost a death sentence within the Catholic Church. We're simply off to the sidelines. And, the hope of ever finding a Catholic lady accepting of one with a past divorce and children seems slim (though others have done it, and married well and happily the 2nd time around.) I guess the main thing I need is community. The hardest thing is to do everything alone. Nobody to call. Nobody to meet for coffee. Nobody to attend mass with. This is my life, currently, and this is unacceptable. I imagine there are many others in a very similar situation. Maybe time to start a new ministry...?
I'm always reluctant to jump on the band wagon and start labeling people "negative" via attempted psychotherapy. It is possible for people to state observations without harboring hatred. What scares me, is how Freudian philosophy has so easily permeated modern culture. In the Soviet Union, labeling people "insane" was a way of silencing political dissidents; thus anyone who stood against the Soviet Union was thrown into a nuthouse. There is a reason that the Scarecrow is a psychologist.
Greg, are you referring to the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz?
Interesting, I looked up the Wiz and found this;
The Scarecrow is a character in the fictional Land of Oz created byAmerican author L. Frank Baum and illustratorWilliam Wallace Denslow. In his first appearance, the Scarecrow reveals that he lacks a brain and desires above all else to have one. In reality, he is only two days old and merely ignorant. Throughout the course of the novel, he demonstrates that he already has the brains he seeks and is later recognized as "the wisest man in all of Oz," although he continues to credit the Wizard for them. He is, however, wise enough to know his own limitations and all too happy to hand the rulership of Oz, passed to him by the Wizard, toPrincess Ozma, to become one of her trusted advisors, though he typically spends more time playing games than advising.
I just started reading through some of these posts today. What I see is many lonely people who want 'somebody' to call their own, myself included.
As Christians, we have an advantage over others when it comes to suffering, trials and crosses. If we can only view them through Jesus' nail holes, we can indeed take part in the redemptive suffering of Christ and help build up the Kingdom of God. In other words, 'Offer it up!"
Is this easier said than done? Of course! All of us are going to suffer in one form or another in this life. We need to consciously decide that NO suffering will be 'wasted', but join our pain with Jesus and all those who have gone before us.
I am carrying the most severe, painful and bewildering trial I have ever been asked to carry...the recent death of my beloved husband Paul. His passing has bruised my faith, for I had complete and total confidence and trust in Jesus' promises to heal him. It was not meant to be and while I don't understand it, I try to carry on and beg the Lord (and Paul and our Holy Mother Mary) to keep me close and restore, refresh and renew my faith and trust.
Resentment, bitterness and grudges have no place in the lives of us Catholics. Remember, one of Satan's greatest weapons is to 'divide and conquer'. Don't let him divide us! It would be so EASY for me to fall into this wide open trap. But I FORCE myself to say each day, "Thy Will be done, O Lord. Thy Wilil be done. The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord" from Job.
So, let's all ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, courage, faith, love and HOPE, trusting that God's Will...WILL be done, if we allow Him to work in our lives. Come on, Jesus, You have alot of your children here looking to share their lives with a godly man or woman. Please send the perfect 'helpmate / partner' to each of us, or allow us to see that marriage may not be part of our future. Let us keep searching wholeheartedly to fulfill our purpose in life, the reason WE are still here, the mission You assigned to us. May we not disappoint You! Amen