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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-278516 said: I am going to generalize for the purpose of making a point but I do think that many original post...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

I am going to generalize for the purpose of making a point but I do think that many original posts (OP) which express frustration, hurt or anger are rarely looking for solutions but simply wanting others to affirm their feelings. Thus when someone offers disagreement or other perspective even with a authentic spirit of care and wanting to help it is usually shot down very defensively. While I can empathize & sympathize with this feeling it rarely is helpful to oneself or people around them especially a potential match.

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Excellent and well-stated observation!

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Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizi...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizing extreme frustration, anger, resentment, and in some cases outright despair with this fora and with the process on this site. Some people even seem to think that others are slandering them behind their backs in the private message arena. All of this is extrmely unhealthy and has no place in a Catholic fora.

I am new here and I am sure that even if I had been on here for a while that I could not claim perfect understanding of the process. However, I do think that this site what developed for us to meet Catholic brothers and sisters that we would not have a chance to otherwise, to build a community of support in the often challenging single life, to help each other get to heaven and to hopefully find a good healthy romantic relationship.

Therefore since we seem to be moving away from that I started this thread as a chance for people to share their views in a healthy way. No accusations or sacarsm allowed ( me included as I am guilty of that too).

In the spirit of healthy conversation we will use "I" statements. Meaning instead of saying you did this and caused me hurt we will say When I heard this or this action took place "I" felt this way and thought this is what you were saying to me.People can respond by saying I am sorry that you felt this way but this is what I meant or this is what I was trying to do.

Part of the single life is learning to work through arguements in a healthy way. Marriage is going to bring disapgreements just like we have in this fora but it is learning how to handle them and have everyone leave the discussion feeling loved and with their dignity intact that is important. It does not mean that we have to accept bad behavior but that we learn to communicate with each other in a healthy and respectful way. That is going to help all of us in marriage and is needed to be learnt by all including me. We all have something that we can learn from each other and as we prepare for the married life possibly we can use this time to grow with each other in a healthy way. To use this time to learn how to communicate with another person of a different temperament or view point than ourselves. To learn how to encourage and mentor each other in a loving way. The world breaks us and beats us down enough. We should be able to come here to be built up.

Again ground rules, no accusations, no "you" statements and or mentioning each other by name directly, no highhanded or preachy behavior, no insults, no inappropriate jokes and no sacarsm. ( I know that is a lot of rules) Just humilty and love as a community of believers in one faith recognizing that each of us are in different places in our journey with Christ.

St Josemaria says that we are like rough diamonds and it is only by rubbing hard on the people, circumstances and trials in life that we can become the polished jewels that God desires us to be.

I truly ask for the intercession of Sts.Tobias and Sara that we may use this thread to learn to express ourselves going forward more effectively. That this thread be taken in the Spirit that it was intended.

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I want to know if I have offended anyone in any way. I know I have not always been the most positive with my posts or with sending messages or receiving messages from men. Sometimes yes, but sometimes I've been jaded because I feel that I am not always given a chance. I know I don't always return messages, for example, because I tend to reject people before they reject me. I'll try to be more positive in the future. biggrin

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Jan 14th 2013 new

I've also been told in the past that I can come across as looking like I think I'm better than others. I apologize to anyone who has felt this way.

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Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: I've also been told in the past that I can come across as looking like I think I'm bette...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

I've also been told in the past that I can come across as looking like I think I'm better than others. I apologize to anyone who has felt this way.

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That is so humble of you and I too have been told that I sometimes come across like that when it is the last thing that I would ever think or feel. I too would like to apologize if I hurt or made anyone feel that way. Sometimes we want so much to share the joy of the Lord that we have in our hearts that we forget where we once were or how we once felt. I just ask that everyone tries to be patient with each other as we walk this journey together. Whether we want to believe or not this forum is a medium for us to journey and grow together in the love of Christ and everyone has areas of growth. It is all in how we share it and receive it. Both ends are equally guilty. We should all strive to be better sharers and better receivers.

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Jan 14th 2013 new

I think everyone, myself included would do well to remember that there are real people, with hearts & feelings on the other side of that computer monitor. A little kindness goes a long way. We should do our best to remember God's greatest message: "Love one another as I have loved you."

You've got that right...Amen to that!!!

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Jan 14th 2013 new

I will know myself more;

I will deepen my faith;

I will live my faith;

and I will keep my mouth shut laughing

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Jan 14th 2013 new

I've been here a long time and I see a tremendous amount of hypocrisy..I keep up with a lot of CM'rs in real life.. Over the years I see all these protestations about the 7/7 issue.. People all over the Forums saying "I will NEVER date anyone who isn't 7/7".. Then a while later you see them admit in a private FB room that they cohabited with their boyfriend or now husband.. Or the Annulment Issue.. "I will NEVER date or marry someone without an annulment".. Then later I find out they did indeed marry outside the church because their new spouse wasn't annulled.. I'm talking about couples who met on here.. I just want to say to people "Just stop talking about what you think you might do months or years down the road." Because in all liklihood your follow through will be pretty poor. I keep my thoughts about what I'll do when I get into a relationship pretty close to the vest, because I don't know what I'll do.. And I'm not going to give anyone a reason to call me hypocrite later.

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Jan 14th 2013 new

Just some thoughts …

“Why is there all this resentment?”. It may be time to vent ... constructively ... so here it goes. Some posters have been posting for a long time, and perhaps have been members of CM longer than others. It is frustrating to not find what you are looking for, and frustrations can come out in ways that can create misunderstandings. Moroever, not only differences of opinion, but also of temperament and communication styles can sometimes create misunderstandings. We type out words that come from our hearts and minds but everyone doesn’t always know where we are coming from.

This is what I observed in my time here: many posters come and go, but amongst the “regulars” in the fora at any given time, there definitely are people who reinforce each other and feed off each others’ viewpoints and comments – either negative or positive. Noticeable patterns start to emerge. “Oh look, Miss X just posted, guess what, Mr. Y and Mr. Z are going to attack / reinforce/ or post something that they posted six months ago that caused an uproar back then” – somehow oblivious to why and how they caused the uproar in the first place.

Sadly, this also happens. I can think of several examples of threads in the past that degenerated because of striving to be “more Catholic” than everyone else. Our faith is not a contest, there is no mathematical probability of being an 8/7 Catholic, and the Pharisees were not popular in the Bible either. That type of behavior and trying to deal with it in the forums in a charitable way that involves self-examination on everyone’s part (i.e. am I doing the right things/ being the best I can be/ following the faith properly / being kind in my words and deeds) can be utterly and completely exhausting. When we are exhausted, it is easier for frustrations and resentments to come out. We are human.

As Catholics, we may be in different places in our faith journey. Some experience doubt, discouragement, confusion or just lack the knowledge and information. That may come out in ways that rub people the wrong way. I’ve seen this too - instances where posters are disrespectful about their own faith and perhaps need to seriously reflect on where they are spiritually.

On CM, there are plenty of joke threads, music threads, cooking threads, and lighthearted word games, as well as prayer threads. In a broader context, there is so much about our faith that is uplifting, in which we can find encouragement and experience joy. Perhaps a greater focus on the positive is part of overall better spiritual well-being.

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Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Kahirup-898887 said: I will know myself more; I will deepen my faith; <...
(Quote) Kahirup-898887 said:

I will know myself more;

I will deepen my faith;

I will live my faith;

and I will keep my mouth shut

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We truly want to hear what you you are thinking. That is the whole point of the thread. I want to apologize for responding to you sacarstically yeterday. I felt attacked when I read your statement and I was hurt and reacted badly to it.

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Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: I've also been told in the past that I can come across as looking like I think I'm bette...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

I've also been told in the past that I can come across as looking like I think I'm better than others. I apologize to anyone who has felt this way.

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Piety thy name is Marita.. wink laughing

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