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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

01/14/2013 new

I always focus on the positive and ignore the negative. I've said this before, but one of the mistakes I made in my first marriage was going into it with the impression that being a practicing Catholic was a panacea for the problems in our relationship. Obviously, it wasn't or I wouldn't be on this website. LOL

Having said that, this also applies to a Catholic dating site. Let's face it, being Catholic is a daily spiritual battle. And sometimes we fail, which is why there is confession.

So, if threads get too negative, I move on and look for the positive ones and pray for the thread I left behind.

God Bless,

Will

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01/14/2013 new
Growing some skin ( hide) would help too. So many appear to me to be so thin skinned about everything. Back to lurking
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01/14/2013 new
It's hard to stay nice and friendly when one has discerned a vocation that requires the assent of another fellow human being to make it a reality, and that assent is lacking, all the while with one's body physically and emotionally craving that which is disallowed to those who are single. However, that said, one's best chance of finding a loving spouse is to put one's best face forward and resist with all one's being the temptation to be overly negative. The line between sharing honest, natural feelings of sorrow or depression that are no doubt common to all those seeking a spouse and just being obnoxious and unattractive is a fine line indeed at times. I often type messages and just discard them before posting them-- that can be a big help.
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01/14/2013 new

That's a good one Andrew. I got a laugh from the last line.

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01/14/2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizi...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizing extreme frustration, anger, resentment, and in some cases outright despair with this fora and with the process on this site. Some people even seem to think that others are slandering them behind their backs in the private message arena. All of this is extrmely unhealthy and has no place in a Catholic fora.

I am new here and I am sure that even if I had been on here for a while that I could not claim perfect understanding of the process. However, I do think that this site what developed for us to meet Catholic brothers and sisters that we would not have a chance to otherwise, to build a community of support in the often challenging single life, to help each other get to heaven and to hopefully find a good healthy romantic relationship.

Therefore since we seem to be moving away from that I started this thread as a chance for people to share their views in a healthy way. No accusations or sacarsm allowed ( me included as I am guilty of that too).

In the spirit of healthy conversation we will use "I" statements. Meaning instead of saying you did this and caused me hurt we will say When I heard this or this action took place "I" felt this way and thought this is what you were saying to me.People can respond by saying I am sorry that you felt this way but this is what I meant or this is what I was trying to do.

Part of the single life is learning to work through arguements in a healthy way. Marriage is going to bring disapgreements just like we have in this fora but it is learning how to handle them and have everyone leave the discussion feeling loved and with their dignity intact that is important. It does not mean that we have to accept bad behavior but that we learn to communicate with each other in a healthy and respectful way. That is going to help all of us in marriage and is needed to be learnt by all including me. We all have something that we can learn from each other and as we prepare for the married life possibly we can use this time to grow with each other in a healthy way. To use this time to learn how to communicate with another person of a different temperament or view point than ourselves. To learn how to encourage and mentor each other in a loving way. The world breaks us and beats us down enough. We should be able to come here to be built up.

Again ground rules, no accusations, no "you" statements and or mentioning each other by name directly, no highhanded or preachy behavior, no insults, no inappropriate jokes and no sacarsm. ( I know that is a lot of rules) Just humilty and love as a community of believers in one faith recognizing that each of us are in different places in our journey with Christ.

St Josemaria says that we are like rough diamonds and it is only by rubbing hard on the people, circumstances and trials in life that we can become the polished jewels that God desires us to be.

I truly ask for the intercession of Sts.Tobias and Sara that we may use this thread to learn to express ourselves going forward more effectively. That this thread be taken in the Spirit that it was intended.

--hide--

I haven't observed long enough to know, since I avoid some OPs.

My statement below may be a disallowed accusation?

But in the single's forum I think I have seen female original posts (OP) that contain a rejection towards males pass through and the male OPs with a female rejection be clobbered.


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01/14/2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizi...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizing extreme frustration, anger, resentment, and in some cases outright despair with this fora and with the process on this site. Some people even seem to think that others are slandering them behind their backs in the private message arena. All of this is extrmely unhealthy and has no place in a Catholic fora.

I am new here and I am sure that even if I had been on here for a while that I could not claim perfect understanding of the process. However, I do think that this site what developed for us to meet Catholic brothers and sisters that we would not have a chance to otherwise, to build a community of support in the often challenging single life, to help each other get to heaven and to hopefully find a good healthy romantic relationship.

Therefore since we seem to be moving away from that I started this thread as a chance for people to share their views in a healthy way. No accusations or sacarsm allowed ( me included as I am guilty of that too).

In the spirit of healthy conversation we will use "I" statements. Meaning instead of saying you did this and caused me hurt we will say When I heard this or this action took place "I" felt this way and thought this is what you were saying to me.People can respond by saying I am sorry that you felt this way but this is what I meant or this is what I was trying to do.

Part of the single life is learning to work through arguements in a healthy way. Marriage is going to bring disapgreements just like we have in this fora but it is learning how to handle them and have everyone leave the discussion feeling loved and with their dignity intact that is important. It does not mean that we have to accept bad behavior but that we learn to communicate with each other in a healthy and respectful way. That is going to help all of us in marriage and is needed to be learnt by all including me. We all have something that we can learn from each other and as we prepare for the married life possibly we can use this time to grow with each other in a healthy way. To use this time to learn how to communicate with another person of a different temperament or view point than ourselves. To learn how to encourage and mentor each other in a loving way. The world breaks us and beats us down enough. We should be able to come here to be built up.

Again ground rules, no accusations, no "you" statements and or mentioning each other by name directly, no highhanded or preachy behavior, no insults, no inappropriate jokes and no sacarsm. ( I know that is a lot of rules) Just humilty and love as a community of believers in one faith recognizing that each of us are in different places in our journey with Christ.

St Josemaria says that we are like rough diamonds and it is only by rubbing hard on the people, circumstances and trials in life that we can become the polished jewels that God desires us to be.

I truly ask for the intercession of Sts.Tobias and Sara that we may use this thread to learn to express ourselves going forward more effectively. That this thread be taken in the Spirit that it was intended.

--hide--


I am going to post a prayer that I was given by a priest in confession ....

Fr. Paul's One day Prayer :


Jesus I love you, Please fill my heart and soul with your gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit, Patience with myself and others, wisdom to say only good things people need to hear, the gift of fortitude to overcome any fault and the strength to carry any cross. One day at a time. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is not here.



May we seek to help each other as to build up the body of Christ. We are here to help others on our journey..

Yes I think disagreements occur because not everyone may be acting like we want them to. Perhaps a prayer for that person but to slander and hurt is not good. Gentleness and kindness are 2 of the fruits of the Holy Spirit.

Let's keep helping here. We are all the body of Christ.

Blessings Praying rosary theheart Dove Kathleen


PS and thank you Shara for reminding the CM community to be more Christ like in their posts hug

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01/14/2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-368827 said: I haven't observed long enough to know, since I avoid some OPs. My statement...
(Quote) Andrea-368827 said:

I haven't observed long enough to know, since I avoid some OPs.

My statement below may be a disallowed accusation?

But in the single's forum I think I have seen female original posts (OP) that contain a rejection towards males pass through and the male OPs with a female rejection be clobbered.

--hide--


That's nothing new. That's been occurring for as long as there has been a forum on this site. And it's usually the same group of people (primarily women) playing both sides of that same coin.


theheart

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01/14/2013 new

(Quote) Brian-278516 said: I am going to generalize for the purpose of making a point but I do think that many original post...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

I am going to generalize for the purpose of making a point but I do think that many original posts (OP) which express frustration, hurt or anger are rarely looking for solutions but simply wanting others to affirm their feelings. Thus when someone offers disagreement or other perspective even with a authentic spirit of care and wanting to help it is usually shot down very defensively. While I can empathize & sympathize with this feeling it rarely is helpful to oneself or people around them especially a potential match.

--hide--



I personally know God has a mission for us all in this year of faith. I believe this year is going to be very powerful to help squash satans power against the church and those in the world. My prayer is that we all be aware of how when Good is happening Satan will use all his power to bring dis unity I pray we all see the gifts in one another and we all see what God has planned for us.... I am so sure that God will less me with Mr. Right and I will let him bring me together with him. I don't think we should seek what we worrie others have . God has his plans and all of you my brothers and sisters are a huge part of his plan. May GBU all and your families!

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01/14/2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-368827 said: I haven't observed long enough to know, since I avoid some OPs. My statement...
(Quote) Andrea-368827 said:

I haven't observed long enough to know, since I avoid some OPs.

My statement below may be a disallowed accusation?

But in the single's forum I think I have seen female original posts (OP) that contain a rejection towards males pass through and the male OPs with a female rejection be clobbered.

--hide--

Ok. I am going to have to finally ask. What does OP mean???? boggled embarassed I know what OPP means wink but defintely not OP and I expect I am not the only one.

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01/14/2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: That's nothing new. That's been occurring for as long as there has been a f...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


That's nothing new. That's been occurring for as long as there has been a forum on this site. And it's usually the same group of people (primarily women) playing both sides of that same coin.

--hide--


That is the problem though isn't it? I've seen the men step up and come to stop a stone throwing male OP, but not necessarily the women step up and stop a stone throwing female OP. And if a male attempts to do so - its not well received.

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