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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 15th 2013 new
Awesome question . There's a book called the 5 Love languages that taught me alot about what makes me tick . I deeply appreciate a warm touch of appreciation and at other times , a sincere touch of love that say " my barriers are removed for you through "trust " to be close " . Not everyone allows that at the same time . Not to say its a rejection , just some people see appreciation and expressions of Love through a different channel and time frame . Hearts are the hardest thing to understand . Maybe that's why we cherish / guard them so deeply .
Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Sheila-371804 said: Unfortunately yes, however it's not entirely the man's fault, studies have shown they ar...
(Quote) Sheila-371804 said:

Unfortunately yes, however it's not entirely the man's fault, studies have shown they are biologically programmed to respond to physically touch, and react instinctively. For example when a man or a women initiates cuddling... a man see's green, and a women see's red, there is also the fact some men are color blind. Ladies this is where you have to assume control and put the brakes on.

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Jan 15th 2013 new

Great thread, everybody.

Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: Cuddling can be a very chaste way of showing mutual trust and respect. Men who cuddle like t...
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

Cuddling can be a very chaste way of showing mutual trust and respect. Men who cuddle like that let their GF know they're building the relationship on who she is as a person. That means mucho to a GF who also believes in a chaste courtship.

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How so? Cuddling is a physical act; how do you get to know each other better as people just from cuddling? (While cuddling often occurs in conjunction with, and may even facilitate to some extent, verbal discussions, the building of the relationships occurs as a result of those discussions, which can (and arguably should) occur without the cuddling.

I think about all you can tell about a person from the fact they are willing to cuddle for an extended period without pushing the envelope further is that they have good self-control, a low libido, or they aren't interested in the other person physically. Granted, people can, and often do, draw other conclusions; whether such conclusions are rationally inferred from the circumstances is another story.

I'm sure that many will be inclined to fire off an immediate response supporting Bob's statement. For those who manage to make it this far without having done so, I challenge to you think about this for a while rather than responding based on an emotional response. Think about past relationships, especially those where you eventually discovered the person wasn't anything like you initially believed, and reflect on how the physical intimacy -- at whatever level -- may have caused you to either completely miss or ignore signs that may have foretold the eventual outcome of the relationship.

Jan 15th 2013 new

As humans we are made to touch, and be touched, to hold and be held, be smelled, etc. It's always a "sensual" experience- but not necessarily a "sexual" experience. Hopefully everyone on this post had someone that held them when they were babies and throughout childhood. My son is almost 25 and he remembers being rocked and held and snuggled. We read books, told stories, etc. I can remember sitting with my father and having him sit with his arm around me, or rub my head. And who hasn't seen a child (even a middle-schooler) put their head on a parents shoulder at mass? Many older adults (especially the ones who are widowed and don't have children around) tell me how much they miss being touched. So it's natural to desire cuddling. It's just what we do with it as adults and with members of the opposite sex.

Jan 15th 2013 new

I like your reply Bob. "What the world needs now is Love,sweet Love"

Keep Cuddling!!!

Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: Depends on how far you go with that "cuddling" and what's running through your min...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

Depends on how far you go with that "cuddling" and what's running through your mind while doing so. Everyone has their limit, and everyone's limit is different. Discretion and self-discipline go a long way... both ways.

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What you say is completely true, Victor. However, there is more to it than that. Repeated cuddling sessions, even when they don't reach the point of temptation, can erode barriers. There is much truth in the adage "familiarity breeds contempt."

Satan plays the same games with us he played with Eve in the Garden: he will gladly help us think up 1001 rationaizations for what we shouldn't be doing. Instead of askign "Why not?", ask "Why?" How does cuddling help you discern this is the person you should marry? How does it bring you and the other person closer to God? How might it lead you away from God? Obviously, it won't do so every time; perhaps not even most of the time. But is even one time worth the risk of the offense it causes God?

Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: Thank you Daniel. With the mutual chastity commitment it works. She and I cuddled mucho on a couch i...
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

Thank you Daniel. With the mutual chastity commitment it works. She and I cuddled mucho on a couch in her parents' house and I'm sure both her parents knew it was chaste.

I remember one date when we watched a local station's movies. A move ended at 3:00am, and another movie was ready to begin. She turned to me and said Bob, it's 3:00am, you've got to go home. A good bonding memory moment...just like yesterday.

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Sorry, Bob, but that wasn't chaste. More chaste than most people would have been -- absolutely. But the fact you have been struggling with these memories as you have been all these years later shows there was a problem. Bob, you have strong moral values and character and may well resist the temptations to let these memories lead to problems in your life or hers. But would everyone, or even most, be the same? Google [ Facebook divorce ] and read some of the stories if you have any doubts.

The demons that are responsible for the spiritual warfare in the world today are a tricky bunch. And very patient, for their concept of time is very different from ours -- our lifetimes are a blink of an eye to them. The weak they can take down at any time. The truly strong and diligent may require an all-out spiritual battle. But for the vast majority of those who don't succumb immediately, we make their job easier by leaving little cracks in the foundation they can chip away at, a little at a time. The wall won't crumble today, tomorrow, or even next month. But if we don't fill those tiny, seemingly harmless, gaps, eventually they become larger and larger, an ultimately the wall starts to crumble. Not all at once, but piece by piece.

Cuddling (outside marriage) is one of those cracks. Some may fall fairly quickly. Some may take a few weeks or months. Others 20 or 30 years. True, some never will. But that doesn't mean they won't have to battle the temptations. Is it worth the risk of offending God for a few minutes/hours of physical comfort?

Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: Depends on how far you go with that "cuddling" and what's running through your min...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

Depends on how far you go with that "cuddling" and what's running through your mind while doing so. Everyone has their limit, and everyone's limit is different. Discretion and self-discipline go a long way... both ways.


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Agreed and when wandering hands happen - it's all over

Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: What you say is completely true, Victor. However, there is more to it than that. Repeated...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

What you say is completely true, Victor. However, there is more to it than that. Repeated cuddling sessions, even when they don't reach the point of temptation, can erode barriers. There is much truth in the adage "familiarity breeds contempt."

Satan plays the same games with us he played with Eve in the Garden: he will gladly help us think up 1001 rationaizations for what we shouldn't be doing. Instead of askign "Why not?", ask "Why?" How does cuddling help you discern this is the person you should marry? How does it bring you and the other person closer to God? How might it lead you away from God? Obviously, it won't do so every time; perhaps not even most of the time. But is even one time worth the risk of the offense it causes God?

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I completely agree.

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