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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Matthew-831994 said: The whole "pursuit" issue is really rather annoying to us guys. Mainly becaus...
(Quote) Matthew-831994 said:



The whole "pursuit" issue is really rather annoying to us guys. Mainly because we've all done it, and 9 times out of 10 the girl is just stringing us along. I have no problem with the concept of pursuing, as long as it is mutual. There HAS to be some pursuit back so that we know we're not wasting our time. If I send a message to someone on this site it's because I'm interested, not just to say hi. I would like to think if there is a response other than "not interested" then that means she's interested as well.

Also, don't read in to how long it takes for someone to ask for your phone number. In fact, don't read in to anything, we're not as complex as you would like to think. Maybe that person just moves slow. Maybe if you want to take it to the next level you should let him know by saying "Hey, do you think we should exchange numbers" or "What's your last name? I'd like to add you on Facebook". Sometimes we need a little help to know that you're really interested before we put ourselves out there.

--hide--


I'm not saying it's only up to the guy to pursue, I'm saying that if it wasn't important enough to either person to notice/care enough to message after a week, then there isn't anything there. I like the whole pursue thing, as I have never been pursued (I always every time end up paying for dates, buying his groceries, making the trips, or asking for his #, or otherwise do all the work) however, that's not what I was saying up there.

I would ask you not to read into anything, either, as you said; if her response is anything other than "not interested, you take that to mean she is? If the reply is anything other than "yes, I'm interested" I take that to mean he isn't. There is nothing to say a reply means someone is interested in you.

And I know all about slow. My last relationship I dated the guy 8 months before he would even kiss me. All I'm saying there is that when you really want to get to know someone, when you are so struck by them, you will not let them go, and if that is not apparant by whatever time you notice it's been so long between messages, then it probably wasn't meant to be. On average, I'd say this is past 10 days for me. I usually reply to a message 3-7 days after I get it, on average, but 10 days tells me: neither of us is pursuing this. And if I get another message after that, I find it a pleasant surprise rather than an anticipated reply.

Jan 19th 2013 new

Again I agree with you ~ I think it is rude and right now I am thinking it does not reflect our catholic social standards of charity. There also is some hauntiness and pride to it~ I mean what does it really take to just simply say " Thanks" if someone sends you a quick note? Also messages get locked up if you send a combination of 4 communications without a response back . I feel today, it shows me who they are and not who I am, this is my healthy self esteem,and that is information I take into account as I get to know someone, even on here. Do not get me wrong, I do not mean judging I mean just having understanding .There are options in life and God will protect those who love him. Whatever happened to social graces? It maybe online but it is possible to show a gentleman's / female's good manners, the way to treat others as per the golden rule,integrity,kindness and compassion. Being nice to others is not outdated.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-928471 said: Again I agree with you ~ I think it is rude and right now I am thinking it does not reflect our c...
(Quote) Linda-928471 said:

Again I agree with you ~ I think it is rude and right now I am thinking it does not reflect our catholic social standards of charity. There also is some hauntiness and pride to it~ I mean what does it really take to just simply say " Thanks" if someone sends you a quick note? Also messages get locked up if you send a combination of 4 communications without a response back . I feel today, it shows me who they are and not who I am, this is my healthy self esteem,and that is information I take into account as I get to know someone, even on here. Do not get me wrong, I do not mean judging I mean just having understanding .There are options in life and God will protect those who love him. Whatever happened to social graces? It maybe online but it is possible to show a gentleman's / female's good manners, the way to treat others as per the golden rule,integrity,kindness and compassion. Being nice to others is not outdated.

--hide--

There is an old adage: There are three sides to every story: his, hers, and what really happened. We've seen one side of this story. It seems that a number of respondents in this topic have been quick to make conclusions about the young lady's behavior and attitude without even having the entire story. Does this demonstrate Christian charity?

Jan 19th 2013 new
Jerry, I think you missed my point. It's not about jumping to conclusions or assigning blame, or even a lack of charity. It is about wanting to know the other's side rather than just have to sit here wondering what happened. Was there something said that was taken the wrong way? Was there someone else? Was he or she just not interested at all? Answers to these types of questions can only help both parties grow from the experience and if mistakes were made, then learn from those mistakes. Of course I posted only my side of the story. I did this because i don't know hers, and to illustrate how confusing it is when we don't hear theirs.
Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: There is an old adage: There are three sides to every story: his, hers, and what really h...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

There is an old adage: There are three sides to every story: his, hers, and what really happened. We've seen one side of this story. It seems that a number of respondents in this topic have been quick to make conclusions about the young lady's behavior and attitude without even having the entire story. Does this demonstrate Christian charity?

--hide--


Hate to break this to you, Jerry, but these are our real lives, not an episode of Law and Order. Cliches and catchphrases sound great on an online forum, but reality sings a much different tune. In the real world we judge people by how they treat us, and the judgements we make we make for the benefit of our interests, not at the expense of them.


And when we find someone whose interests mesh with ours then then the potential for success becomes present. Otherwise, it does not and we move on.


And there is no lack of "Christian charity" in recognizing and living in that reality.


None of this is nearly as complicated as you seem to want to make it.


theheart

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Matthew-831994 said: The whole "pursuit" issue is really rather annoying to us guys. Mainly becaus...
(Quote) Matthew-831994 said:



The whole "pursuit" issue is really rather annoying to us guys. Mainly because we've all done it, and 9 times out of 10 the girl is just stringing us along. I have no problem with the concept of pursuing, as long as it is mutual. There HAS to be some pursuit back so that we know we're not wasting our time. If I send a message to someone on this site it's because I'm interested, not just to say hi. I would like to think if there is a response other than "not interested" then that means she's interested as well.

Also, don't read in to how long it takes for someone to ask for your phone number. In fact, don't read in to anything, we're not as complex as you would like to think. Maybe that person just moves slow. Maybe if you want to take it to the next level you should let him know by saying "Hey, do you think we should exchange numbers" or "What's your last name? I'd like to add you on Facebook". Sometimes we need a little help to know that you're really interested before we put ourselves out there.

--hide--

Amen, brother. The best advice I can give you is to figure out a system to use this website and progress communication that serves you best. The right woman will respond to it. There isn't any point in figuring out what women want in this regard because you can't. Every woman has there own little rules or ways they like communication to progress. If you ask for the phone # after a couple of emails, some women think you are taking things too fast---others that you are taking it too slow. You will drive yourself crazy trying to follow along. In my time here, I have been on date 3 before a woman would tell me her last name or any contact info. Others will just give their info out right away. Some want you to ask for their phone number; some will want you to give them your phone number so they can can call you while blocking their number. And on and on.

Jan 19th 2013 new

I would like to ask if people really respond to every emotigram or message they get. What do you say if you're not interested? Do we truly send that to them and possibly make them feel worse? I have done both, not responded and sent a 'thanks, I hope you find someone..etc.' When I get a 'thanks but no thanks' I feel worse and wish that they had just not replied.

When emailing for an extended period of time and you've decided that things aren't going anywhere, do you really say "I'm not interested because...." "You're taking too long and I have run out of things to say in emails" "Are you really looking for someone" etc.? I really think not. I think most people just let it go. In 'real' life, people don't go into explanations after only a couple of dates of why they don't want to continue dating. I think expecting even more etiquette online is unrealistic.

This doesn't mean that I agree with the way things are handled, I don't know a better way without making people feel worse or bad.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Paul-754314 said: I have recently read and commented on forum topic "Men Calling or Messaging back" Howeve...
(Quote) Paul-754314 said:

I have recently read and commented on forum topic "Men Calling or Messaging back" However I have had a few occasions fairly recently of a woman that I have been messaging with for while (over a month) and she suddenly stopped replying to any and all of my messages I'm wondering why?



--hide--
We have, ia nickname for them already. We call them poofers, just move on to your next possibility or even maybe another poofer. Just don't let it get to you, it happens all the time. God bless

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Paul-754314 said: I have recently read and commented on forum topic "Men Calling or Messaging back" Howeve...
(Quote) Paul-754314 said:

I have recently read and commented on forum topic "Men Calling or Messaging back" However I have had a few occasions fairly recently of a woman that I have been messaging with for while (over a month) and she suddenly stopped replying to any and all of my messages I'm wondering why?



--hide--


If, after a month contacting each other, she were to say that she were no longer interested in you, what would be the kind way to do that? I'm just wondering so that all of us ladies can learn. biggrin

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Christine-924384 said: I would like to ask if people really respond to every emotigram or ...
(Quote) Christine-924384 said:

I would like to ask if people really respond to every emotigram or message they get. What do you say if you're not interested? Do we truly send that to them and possibly make them feel worse? I have done both, not responded and sent a 'thanks, I hope you find someone..etc.' When I get a 'thanks but no thanks' I feel worse and wish that they had just not replied.

When emailing for an extended period of time and you've decided that things aren't going anywhere, do you really say "I'm not interested because...." "You're taking too long and I have run out of things to say in emails" "Are you really looking for someone" etc.? I really think not. I think most people just let it go. In 'real' life, people don't go into explanations after only a couple of dates of why they don't want to continue dating. I think expecting even more etiquette online is unrealistic.

This doesn't mean that I agree with the way things are handled, I don't know a better way without making people feel worse or bad.

--hide--


Yes. Unless I just happen to miss a message - it happens on rare occasion - I at least reply to the first message whether I have a legitimate interest in that person or not. I never out-and-out reject anyone, as I'm always willing to talk to everyone regardless of who they are. The only people who I completely cease communications with are those who choose to do so with me. That circumstance aside, I always leave the lines of communication open.


As for those who reply to me, it makes no difference to me whether they send a "thanks, but no thanks", disappear, or even block communications. The end result is the same, so it's a waste of time even worrying about it. To me it is anyway.


That said, once steady communication is established and ongoing, you would like to think that people would have enough character to be forthright if/when feelings change. Unfortunately, people are still people, and being on a Catholic-based dating site does not and will never change that. Regardless, it's still a demonstration of a lack of character and common courtesy, and part of one's personality that would have eventually surfaced somewhere along the line. Personally, I prefer to see it earlier than later and after anything progresses too far. It may not exactly feel great at that moment, but does let me see what I'm avoiding later. That's always a good thing.


theheart

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