Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Thomas-699657 said: We have, ia nickname for them already. We call them poofers, just move on to yo...
(Quote) Thomas-699657 said:

We have, ia nickname for them already. We call them poofers, just move on to your next possibility or even maybe another poofer. Just don't let it get to you, it happens all the time. God bless

--hide--


"Poofers" and "poofing" are the online equivalent of people who either clam-up and run away from a potential mate the minute the possibility of things becoming serious presents itself, or they lose interest but lack the character to be forthright in stating so. In high school they'd hide behind their friends when they see you coming... here, they hide behind their computer screens.


Same dynamic... same behavior... same outcomes.


theheart

Jan 19th 2013 new

Not to sound cold but I think sometimes a clean dismissal is the most appropriate thing to do

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Christine-924384 said: I would like to ask if people really respond to every emotigram or ...
(Quote) Christine-924384 said:

I would like to ask if people really respond to every emotigram or message they get. What do you say if you're not interested? Do we truly send that to them and possibly make them feel worse? I have done both, not responded and sent a 'thanks, I hope you find someone..etc.' When I get a 'thanks but no thanks' I feel worse and wish that they had just not replied.

When emailing for an extended period of time and you've decided that things aren't going anywhere, do you really say "I'm not interested because...." "You're taking too long and I have run out of things to say in emails" "Are you really looking for someone" etc.? I really think not. I think most people just let it go. In 'real' life, people don't go into explanations after only a couple of dates of why they don't want to continue dating. I think expecting even more etiquette online is unrealistic.

This doesn't mean that I agree with the way things are handled, I don't know a better way without making people feel worse or bad.

--hide--

I agree with your post. Sometimes things fizzle out and people move on. Does one really need to have that spelled out? If one is chatting with someone in line at the grocery store and the two have run out of pleasantries, do they say "I've run out of things to say so I will stop speaking to you now"? No, they just move on to the task at hand.

I've found that when you send out the "not interested" email, it often creates more problems via the "But why?" and/or angry response. I think people, in general, want to think that they would respond to every message (I'm sure some do) even if reality is different. It's like the threads where people complain no one writes them. Are they really not getting any messages? I'm skeptical because in a couple of instances it was a woman I had messaged and gotten no response in return.

People seem to take things too personally. Maybe a lack of dating experience creates hightened expectations among some, I don't know. scratchchin

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Bekah-917317 said: Hi Paul, You might try calling her. If I gave my phone number to som...
(Quote) Bekah-917317 said:


Hi Paul,

You might try calling her. If I gave my phone number to someone and he didn't call, I'd probably assume he wasn't all that interested and just move on.

Good luck!

--hide--


I have to agree with the ladies on this one. When I give my number to a guy and he only texts me, that tells me he isn't *really* interested in getting to know. Texts are fine for emergencies, when a person is at work or in class, but you can't get to know a person that way. I definitely encourage phone calls. :)

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: "Poofers" and "poofing" are the online equivalent of people who...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


"Poofers" and "poofing" are the online equivalent of people who either clam-up and run away from a potential mate the minute the possibility of things becoming serious presents itself, or they lose interest but lack the character to be forthright in stating so. In high school they'd hide behind their friends when they see you coming... here, they hide behind their computer screens.


Same dynamic... same behavior... same outcomes.

--hide--

Once people resort to name calling, then I start to reasonably assume they made the right choice by not intereacting with that person more than they had too. And becoming serious in high school should be call for most to run the other way and I applaud their choice.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Christine-924384 said: I would like to ask if people really respond to every emotigram or ...
(Quote) Christine-924384 said:

I would like to ask if people really respond to every emotigram or message they get. What do you say if you're not interested? Do we truly send that to them and possibly make them feel worse? I have done both, not responded and sent a 'thanks, I hope you find someone..etc.' When I get a 'thanks but no thanks' I feel worse and wish that they had just not replied.

When emailing for an extended period of time and you've decided that things aren't going anywhere, do you really say "I'm not interested because...." "You're taking too long and I have run out of things to say in emails" "Are you really looking for someone" etc.? I really think not. I think most people just let it go. In 'real' life, people don't go into explanations after only a couple of dates of why they don't want to continue dating. I think expecting even more etiquette online is unrealistic.

This doesn't mean that I agree with the way things are handled, I don't know a better way without making people feel worse or bad.

--hide--


In answering your question - I would say, yes I respond to all.

If I am paying member, I will respond. If I am not paying - I can't and don't respond - unless I move to paying.

You don't have to demean someone in order to still be kind and respectful and wish them well in their search.

It doesn't hurt to stop and converse with someone who gives you the compliment of recognizing your presence.

You are right - no need to go into explanations. Just be kind, they were.

Sometimes all you need to do - is talk in the past tense. Its been nice talking to, all the best the future.

For me its been most enjoyable, when we can have a nice conversation even if we aren't ever going to meet and we both knew it.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Steve-650539 said: I agree with your post. Sometimes things fizzle out and people move on. Does one really ...
(Quote) Steve-650539 said:

I agree with your post. Sometimes things fizzle out and people move on. Does one really need to have that spelled out? If one is chatting with someone in line at the grocery store and the two have run out of pleasantries, do they say "I've run out of things to say so I will stop speaking to you now"? No, they just move on to the task at hand.

--hide--


I think the difference between the grocery story scenario and online is that in person (at the grocery store) both people are aware of the ending at the same time. There would be a smile, a nod, a wave, or simply moving away from one other visibly. With the online situation, one person decides they are done, but doesn't inform the other. If they've been talking for a good amount of time or at a good frequency, I find that disrespectful. For the person who is in the dark, they go through a bit of wondering - "maybe they are just busy", "maybe something happened", "maybe they misunderstood something I said", etc. until they come to the slow realization they've disappeared. There is no need for that (slow realization) and it could be avoided with a simple note.

I certainly haven't navigated the ending note well in all situations, and it can definitely be complicated depending on the people and expectations involved. Yet I think there is value in it. It respects the time and energy of the person waiting for a reply.

The best "ending" phone call I received (yep - he respectfully and courageously did it by phone!) was very simple. He just said, "I know we met on a dating website, but I wanted to let you know that I now only think of you as a friend." I was glad to know and didn't miss the wondering and waiting one bit!

Jan 19th 2013 new

Yep, this is what true Christian charity does, especially after chatting for apx 4-6 weeks regularly, just the words you used as an example would have made me feel OK about it , bring closure. and continue to possible be friends and wish the best for him, ya know?

crossfingers rolling eyes boggled
Peace & Blessings theheart

Jan 19th 2013 new

yeah thats a good description! Poof! gone...seee yaaaa~ eyebrow

Jan 19th 2013 new

exactly, i wish i knew reasons for the lack of continued interest: - ex. "Well after talking w/ you I realized that you have too many kids at home still ( I have 4 ) or that your career is not feasible with mine or that you are too far away and I am being realistic, or I lack the funds to pursue this seriously or I dont like your voice over phone or your too hyper or boring , examples of course!) or I like the woman to be taller, shorter etc. well I wouldnt wanna know super personal reasons..!! um yea not so much!


HOwever, anything would be better than NOTHING cuz of course I think I'm a pretty good catch ! lol gangster goldfish goldfish hee hee

Posts 41 - 50 of 80