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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 20th 2013 new

Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bit and things were going great - he sent me a long email about did you notice my age, are you OK with a guy with a son with disabilities, etc....all of the "don't choose me" reasons. Of course I knew all of those things and obviously by continuing to discuss things I was/am interested. Anyway, I tried to reply today and "poof" profile unavailable. He also sent me a long text after writing that asking why I didn't reply as he saw I was online (which I wasn't but my mobile app was left open best i can tell) and that he was sorry and that's why he's never open with people, etc. Wow! What did I do? Is he just freaking out? Trying to pull out not so gracefully? Scared? I don't get it! So men - give me some male insight please!!! Seems this goes both ways......... boggled

Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Susie-890857 said: Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bi...
(Quote) Susie-890857 said:

Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bit and things were going great - he sent me a long email about did you notice my age, are you OK with a guy with a son with disabilities, etc....all of the "don't choose me" reasons. Of course I knew all of those things and obviously by continuing to discuss things I was/am interested. Anyway, I tried to reply today and "poof" profile unavailable. He also sent me a long text after writing that asking why I didn't reply as he saw I was online (which I wasn't but my mobile app was left open best i can tell) and that he was sorry and that's why he's never open with people, etc. Wow! What did I do? Is he just freaking out? Trying to pull out not so gracefully? Scared? I don't get it! So men - give me some male insight please!!! Seems this goes both ways.........

--hide--

He is probably just reacting to his preconcieved notions of what your thoughts are due his own self-esteem issues and life experience. It would also seem that he had an assumption of how you would react before he even shared this with you and therefore viewed your actions through these lenses. He has probably just been hurt in the past and some people due to past hurt need extra reassurances of your acceptance. While none of these things are bad it is important in a situation like that for you to be able to talk it out and hopefully reassure him. Communication is key. If however, the misunderstanding keeps happening despite your reassurances, he may need to work through his hurt with a counselor before attempting to start a healthy relationship. Pray intensely about the relationship and pray that God may heal his hurt and his heart. Discern, discern, discern. Praying hug

Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Susie-890857 said: Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bi...
(Quote) Susie-890857 said:

Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bit and things were going great - he sent me a long email about did you notice my age, are you OK with a guy with a son with disabilities, etc....all of the "don't choose me" reasons. Of course I knew all of those things and obviously by continuing to discuss things I was/am interested. Anyway, I tried to reply today and "poof" profile unavailable. He also sent me a long text after writing that asking why I didn't reply as he saw I was online (which I wasn't but my mobile app was left open best i can tell) and that he was sorry and that's why he's never open with people, etc. Wow! What did I do? Is he just freaking out? Trying to pull out not so gracefully? Scared? I don't get it! So men - give me some male insight please!!! Seems this goes both ways.........

--hide--

Apologies. Just realized that you asked for male insight. embarassed

Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Susie-890857 said: Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bi...
(Quote) Susie-890857 said:

Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bit and things were going great - he sent me a long email about did you notice my age, are you OK with a guy with a son with disabilities, etc....all of the "don't choose me" reasons. Of course I knew all of those things and obviously by continuing to discuss things I was/am interested. Anyway, I tried to reply today and "poof" profile unavailable. He also sent me a long text after writing that asking why I didn't reply as he saw I was online (which I wasn't but my mobile app was left open best i can tell) and that he was sorry and that's why he's never open with people, etc. Wow! What did I do? Is he just freaking out? Trying to pull out not so gracefully? Scared? I don't get it! So men - give me some male insight please!!! Seems this goes both ways.........

--hide--


Hi Susie,

Everything goes both ways

Either this dude is intimidated by you, is shy beyond belief, or he has met someone else. In any case, he did you a fovor. It appears you did all the right stuff, especially considering the acceptance of a special needs child. Personally, I find that to be a huge commentary on your overall outlook on life. Also, 'appearing on-line' can be an issue ... or not. Simply that, leads me to believe he is insecure and possibly socially challenged. It appears your personalities collided. I think you're maybe giving this guy too much credit.

Give yourself a break. You did all the right things. He's the one with the problem.

Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: That said, once steady communication is established and ongoing, you would like to think tha...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


That said, once steady communication is established and ongoing, you would like to think that people would have enough character to be forthright if/when feelings change.

--hide--


This is exactly what I was getting at. If it's only been a message or two, no biggie. It's once communication has been ongoing or there has actually been a date or two that some sort of explanation, or even the courtesy of "it was nice talking to you/meeting, but I don't see this going anywhere" kind of message. As far as what I would expect? Honesty. One of the secular sites I tried before had a simple "Thanks, but no thanks" response available that didn't require you to type a thing, just click a button, but that would only be something I would use upon initial contact, not after actual communication had been established.

Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Susie-890857 said: Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bi...
(Quote) Susie-890857 said:

Since we're on this topic - may I flip this around? So I've been messaging a guy for a bit and things were going great - he sent me a long email about did you notice my age, are you OK with a guy with a son with disabilities, etc....all of the "don't choose me" reasons. Of course I knew all of those things and obviously by continuing to discuss things I was/am interested. Anyway, I tried to reply today and "poof" profile unavailable. He also sent me a long text after writing that asking why I didn't reply as he saw I was online (which I wasn't but my mobile app was left open best i can tell) and that he was sorry and that's why he's never open with people, etc. Wow! What did I do? Is he just freaking out? Trying to pull out not so gracefully? Scared? I don't get it! So men - give me some male insight please!!! Seems this goes both ways.........

--hide--


Sounds to me like it was a combination of things that led to this. I used to be the type to expect quick responses, especially if I noticed someone was online when I sent the message. Once I realized that was a problem, I prayed for patience, and it worked. Perhaps he may have had a subscription expiring, but I would think that's not a problem if y'all are texting. He also obviously has issues stemming from past rejections, and was expecting the worst when he sent you that message explaining his situation. If you were genuinely interested, and still are interested in spite of his obvious lack of patience, then you should text him and explain why you hadn't yet responded. Heck, you should tell him even if you're not interested anymore so that he can learn that it was his impatience, not his life circumstances, that led to the rift.

Jan 20th 2013 new

I'm amaze to read the replies for this topic. Thank you Paul, for posting it biggrin!

I sometimes wish there's a step by step guide to a woman's heart pirate! A manual to what to do and say around a woman you like laughing!? I'm pretty sure many of the guys have heard that we don't read the instructions' manual so why bother with the idea duck!?

Jan 20th 2013 new

Thanks for your input! Sorry to throw that in there - it had just happened and I was shocked!

Paul - I find that technology leads to people losing manners and feeling "anonymous" so they do things they would never do in person or in the past. Society as a whole has lost traditional morals and manners and it's very evident in the online sector. I think there are "flakes" on both sides, insecurity, etc and folks just find it easier not to be honest. I've been told by guys that I'm too honest as I ask the tough questions upfront - a lot seem to want to proceed down a road with major flashing warning signs and roadblocks and turn around rather than avoid it. I guess it is just part of society - even on here although it's a lot less on here and a lot safer.

Good luck!

Susie

Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said: I'm amaze to read the replies for this topic. Thank you Paul, for posting it !I somet...
(Quote) Ezrah-891754 said:

I'm amaze to read the replies for this topic. Thank you Paul, for posting it !

I sometimes wish there's a step by step guide to a woman's heart ! A manual to what to do and say around a woman you like !? I'm pretty sure many of the guys have heard that we don't read the instructions' manual so why bother with the idea !?

--hide--

The only instruction manual I'd write is "Be honest and be you" That's all I expect of a guy!

Jan 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Apologies. Just realized that you asked for male insight.
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Apologies. Just realized that you asked for male insight.

--hide--

No apology needed - I value your insight as we've discussed in the past! Thanks!

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