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This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

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Something I'm struggling with

Jan 17th 2013 new

Dear CM friends,

I recently found out that a close family member, with whom I am very close, is homosexual. As a Catholic, I know and understand what the Bible and the Church say about homosexuality... but my cousin is family, and I don't want to turn my back on them... what should I do? Any and all advice is appreciated!

Thank you!

Jan 17th 2013 new

Love the sinner not the sin.

Have boundaries example if they start to talk about their partner (assuming there is one) cut them off politely. Like TV you can change channel or the subject. I good response is that (I love you, but I do not accept your lifestyle).

Jan 17th 2013 new

Hi Emily,


My female cousin (who has a 7 year old) and my aunt are both gay. I love them and am polite to their "partners," but they know how I feel. I would never attend any "wedding," though.

Jan 17th 2013 new

I have a cousin who is gay and in a 20 years long relationship.. I love him dearly as does the rest of our family..Like somebody else said.. Loving your cousin doesn't mean you have to approve of his lifestyle.. I would also caution you against acting on any urge to vocalize your disapproval and causing discord in the family.

Jan 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I have a cousin who is gay and in a 20 years long relationship.. I love him dearly as does the res...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

I have a cousin who is gay and in a 20 years long relationship.. I love him dearly as does the rest of our family..Like somebody else said.. Loving your cousin doesn't mean you have to approve of his lifestyle.. I would also caution you against acting on any urge to vocalize your disapproval and causing discord in the family.

--hide--
Donna, I agree with your approach not to vocally admonish. Most gays are well aware of mainstream society's disapproval and do not rub their relationships in our faces. There are none in my present social or family circle, but I worked closely with a woman who was a lesbian. She and I had a close enough working relationship where we could discuss the marriage issue. We remained friends and just agreed to disagree.

Jan 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Dear CM friends, I recently found out that a close family member, with whom I am very clos...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Dear CM friends,

I recently found out that a close family member, with whom I am very close, is homosexual. As a Catholic, I know and understand what the Bible and the Church say about homosexuality... but my cousin is family, and I don't want to turn my back on them... what should I do? Any and all advice is appreciated!

Thank you!

--hide--
At the end of the day, that close cousin is still part of your family. Nothing is going to change that. There isn't a problem caring for that person (presumably a male -- you can correct me if I'm wrong) just as you would other family members, or other human beings. He's still a person.

Most families have, or will, be dealing with similar situations. The message is correct: Hate the sin; love the sinner. I believe you can state your beliefs in the matter in a positive, charitable way so there is no mistake about being accepting of him but not his lifestyle. This doesn't have to be rehashed continually. You can continue to be a positive influence, and offer to be supportive if he has difficulties. You didn't mention if he is a Catholic, but if he is, you can urge him to continue attending Mass and receiving the sacraments as often as possible (Reconciliation and Eucharist). The Church does not condone same-sex relations, but doesn't exclude anyone from the fold because of a same-sex orientation. It's acting on it that become problematic.

I think the jury is out as to what causes this type of attraction, but I'll leave it to the Good Lord to figure out. He knows a lot more than we do.

Jan 17th 2013 new

Very good reply Ray and I couldn't agree more. I work with a lesbian, and she keeps that part of her life very private, and that is the way it should be. Her partner has always been gay, but the lady I work with has not always been gay. They had a wedding, but I did not attend.

This isn't part of the forum question, but does anyone else have a problem with gay couples adopting children. If I was an unwed mother, and I gave my baby up for adoption I would not want my baby going to a gay couple.

Jan 18th 2013 new

Thank you to everyone who responded- I love my cousin so much- we are just about as close as siblings- and I'd hate to lose our friendship and family bond. I will continue to love and pray for my cousin, and I will do my best to be as polite and tactful as possible so as to not jeopardize our relationship. Thank you to everyone!

Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Thank you to everyone who responded- I love my cousin so much- we are just about as close as sibl...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Thank you to everyone who responded- I love my cousin so much- we are just about as close as siblings- and I'd hate to lose our friendship and family bond. I will continue to love and pray for my cousin, and I will do my best to be as polite and tactful as possible so as to not jeopardize our relationship. Thank you to everyone!

--hide--

Emily

The best thing to do is pray a Rosery is a goood start.

You might have to jeopardize your relationship in being firm. This is tough love (no fun in it)

But like a horse being broke to saddle, A child forced to go and apologize for a wrong , or a sword being heated and quickly cooled to be tempered.

The process of tough love is not fun but the ends are stronger!

God Bless

JB

Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Sharon-885911 said: Very good reply Ray and I couldn't agree more. I work with a lesbian, and she keeps that par...
(Quote) Sharon-885911 said:

Very good reply Ray and I couldn't agree more. I work with a lesbian, and she keeps that part of her life very private, and that is the way it should be. Her partner has always been gay, but the lady I work with has not always been gay. They had a wedding, but I did not attend.

This isn't part of the forum question, but does anyone else have a problem with gay couples adopting children. If I was an unwed mother, and I gave my baby up for adoption I would not want my baby going to a gay couple.

--hide--


Nowdays most adoptions seem to be open so the birthmother usually knows a lot about the parents.. Seems like a lot of male gays go the surrogate route because the baby can be genetically theirs.

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