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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 29th 2013 new
(Quote) Jessica-897416 said: When and how did you come to realize that you were called to the Sacrament of Matrimony?
(Quote) Jessica-897416 said:

When and how did you come to realize that you were called to the Sacrament of Matrimony?

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I always just assumed (as Victor suggested) that I would marry and have a family. However, I have come to realize a little later in life that if I cannot put others ahead of myself, then I will fail at marriage and that I do NOT want to do.
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Jan 29th 2013 new

I knew as a teen-ager that I wanted to be a mother and developed child-care and nurturing skills. I have a great picture of myself wearin a yellow scoop-necked sweater as a teen and surrounded by all the neighborhood kids. Being heterosexul and from a large Catholic family, I just assumed that I would get married, that the marriage would work out and my husband and I would encourage each other into heaven. That didn't happen, I got an annulment and I LUV U TA DA! I LUV U here I am, Catholic men, healed and ready to date and enjoy courtship. Not from a needy place, from an "I am secure and I want to do this" place. How's that for a good advertisement?

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Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: I'd like to hear from a widow/widower who has actually gone through marriage.
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:


I'd like to hear from a widow/widower who has actually gone through marriage.

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I have been widowed twice. The first time after 24 years of marriage and two children. The second time after 5 years of marriage. In neither marriage did I ever question that either of those fine gentlemen were meant for me. They were not perfect men, and not perfect marriages, but by most people's reckoning including my own, they were wonderful. I was so devestated after the death of my second husband I truly did not think I could survive it - and the questions to God were unending. Why? How could you do this to me yet again? And on, and on, and on.

About two months after the death of my second husband, the Lord through my job placed me squarely in the middle of the Chihauhan desert in Pecos, Texas. I was required to drive 90 miles to another town, Van Horn, Texas, every day, as a part of my work. About 40 miles out of Pecos, on the way to Van Horn, one enters two mountain ranges - the Davis Mountains and the Guadalupes. I was totally alone, with no crew members to communicate with. Moreover, a woman alone in Pecos cannot go anywhere after 5:00 in the evening. The gist of this story is that I learned, as I am still learning, to cast all of my anxiety and cares on Him - as that is what he wants us to do. Hasn't he told us that? In the desert and on those drives to work and back I prayed what seems now constantly. What I learned in those months was to trust Him for my very existence - not answers to my "why" questions. Men die. I will die. I would not trade that time now for anything in the world.

So, is a third marriage now to be my vocation? I don't know. I loved being married and I think I was a good wife to both of my spouses. It was during those times exactly what I was supposed to be doing. Now, I am trusting God and the Holy Spirit to lead me and I try to not tell Him what the remaining years of my life are supposed to be; rather, I am placing my future in his hands. That doesn't mean that I do not wonder what the outcome will be, but I am not putting parameters around what he wants for me.

He knows the desires of my heart (which would be to find love yet again) and also my needs. All of that being said, place your desires, cares, and anxiety upon him and he will provide what you need sufficient to the day. I do so hope this does not sound "preachy." It is not intended to be so. I am well aware of how our hopes and expectations are different when we are in our 30's as opposed to our later years. I've had to learn some hard lessons about where one puts those hopes and expectations when there is no one to rely upon except our God, and I have learned that it is more than enough. He will place squarely in your path the desires of your heart if you allow him to and trust him to do so.

Peace be with you from a sister in Christ

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Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-936499 said: I have been widowed twice. The first time after 24 years of marriage and two childr...
(Quote) Beverly-936499 said:




I have been widowed twice. The first time after 24 years of marriage and two children. The second time after 5 years of marriage. In neither marriage did I ever question that either of those fine gentlemen were meant for me. They were not perfect men, and not perfect marriages, but by most people's reckoning including my own, they were wonderful. I was so devestated after the death of my second husband I truly did not think I could survive it - and the questions to God were unending. Why? How could you do this to me yet again? And on, and on, and on.

About two months after the death of my second husband, the Lord through my job placed me squarely in the middle of the Chihauhan desert in Pecos, Texas. I was required to drive 90 miles to another town, Van Horn, Texas, every day, as a part of my work. About 40 miles out of Pecos, on the way to Van Horn, one enters two mountain ranges - the Davis Mountains and the Guadalupes. I was totally alone, with no crew members to communicate with. Moreover, a woman alone in Pecos cannot go anywhere after 5:00 in the evening. The gist of this story is that I learned, as I am still learning, to cast all of my anxiety and cares on Him - as that is what he wants us to do. Hasn't he told us that? In the desert and on those drives to work and back I prayed what seems now constantly. What I learned in those months was to trust Him for my very existence - not answers to my "why" questions. Men die. I will die. I would not trade that time now for anything in the world.

So, is a third marriage now to be my vocation? I don't know. I loved being married and I think I was a good wife to both of my spouses. It was during those times exactly what I was supposed to be doing. Now, I am trusting God and the Holy Spirit to lead me and I try to not tell Him what the remaining years of my life are supposed to be; rather, I am placing my future in his hands. That doesn't mean that I do not wonder what the outcome will be, but I am not putting parameters around what he wants for me.

He knows the desires of my heart (which would be to find love yet again) and also my needs. All of that being said, place your desires, cares, and anxiety upon him and he will provide what you need sufficient to the day. I do so hope this does not sound "preachy." It is not intended to be so. I am well aware of how our hopes and expectations are different when we are in our 30's as opposed to our later years. I've had to learn some hard lessons about where one puts those hopes and expectations when there is no one to rely upon except our God, and I have learned that it is more than enough. He will place squarely in your path the desires of your heart if you allow him to and trust him to do so.

Peace be with you from a sister in Christ

--hide--
Beverly, You are a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing your life -- and your love.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Here is a link to the post: www.catholicmatch.com.
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

Here is a link to the post:

www.catholicmatch.com

If you use threaded view, the link will take you directly to her post; if you use flat view, it will be somewhere on the page.

--hide--

I read the post. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding of the words used - single life doesn't have to be called a "vocation," but the point is that this is the state in life that God wills for us. If a person is not called to either the religious life or to marriage, what other option is there? The single life. It's dangerous to assume that if you are not called to the religious life, you are called to marriage by default. You could be called to neither. I suppose it's also possible that you are called to neither at this point in your life, and will be called to one of them further down the road...

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Jan 30th 2013 new
(Quote) Lisa-54615 said: (Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Here is a link to the post: http://www.ca...
(Quote) Lisa-54615 said:

Quote:
Jerry-74383 said:



Here is a link to the post:



www.catholicmatch.com



If you use threaded view, the link will take you directly to her post; if you use flat view, it will be somewhere on the page.






I read the post. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding of the words used - single life doesn't have to be called a "vocation," but the point is that this is the state in life that God wills for us. If a person is not called to either the religious life or to marriage, what other option is there? The single life. It's dangerous to assume that if you are not called to the religious life, you are called to marriage by default. You could be called to neither. I suppose it's also possible that you are called to neither at this point in your life, and will be called to one of them further down the road...

--hide--
. YES......I just have to trip the right girl coming back from communion...
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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-397948 said: . YES......I just have to trip the right girl coming back from communion...
(Quote) Jim-397948 said: . YES......I just have to trip the right girl coming back from communion...
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Jim, it might be even more productive if you trip in front of her and then she helps you up and makes certain that you are okay. . . smile

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Jan 30th 2013 new

Plus, I and several other single men from my old parish in Atlanta are doing the St. Raphael Novena, and so far I've had an inordinate spike in profile browses. It has to be God in action.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Annie-892455 said: Mary thanks for sharing. Having had experience in religious life, I thought I would just sha...
(Quote) Annie-892455 said:


Mary thanks for sharing. Having had experience in religious life, I thought I would just share my two cents. I think it's important to keep in mind that those who have a desire for motherhood (or fatherhood) and children should not automatically rule out religious life in their discernment. In fact, it is not only natural (as we know), but also necessary for one to experience these longings, as every vocation is meant to fulfill these longings, albeit in different ways. Spiritual motherhood and fatherhood are just as real as physical motherhood and fatherhood.

Having said that, I wanted also to pass along something I heard from a priest professor I had that shed new light on this discernment process; it is simple and makes total sense. He said that UNLESS you feel called to religious life, single life, or the priesthood, you know that you are called to marriage. Okay, so you're probably thinking, "that doesn't make it any simpler." The reason for this is because that was the first vocation given to man. Jesus goes BEYOND this natural vocation (to which Victor alluded earlier) and asks that those who can accept it, accept it.

Mary, what exactly do you mean that your itch for religious life is a push toward marriage?

--hide--


Hi Annie,

What I meant by it, is that my itch for religious life, is, I believe, an itch for A religious life. To live for Christ, vicariously raise children through Him, and to create love with Him through family and legacy, and keep Mother Mary as my inspiration for mother and wife. That my desire to do good in His name is, in my case, best done through family. I've been told I'd make a great Nun (by family)- I've also been told I'd be a terrible one (by friends :P) In all honesty, I almost wish I didn't want children, because it would have been a very easy decision for me- and sometimes, when I am extremely lonely, I think about God and my Guardian angel, and all the Saints, and think of the love I have for them, and the love I feel in return, and I honestly believe that, while it helps at the moment, it will not fulfill my desire for children and a husband in the long run....I can quite easily have a husband/kids, and also enhance my faith, and maybe even throw in some volunteer work here and there at church, or with church, and I think it would suffice for "religious life" in my case :) I live to serve, to love, and to be loved. That, I can do with family and faith both. (I'm Eastern Catholic, we don't believe that a marriage takes away from ability to lead religious life; ex. married priests are a-okay)

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Feb 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-936499 said: I have been widowed twice. The first time after 24 years of marriage and two childr...
(Quote) Beverly-936499 said:




I have been widowed twice. The first time after 24 years of marriage and two children. The second time after 5 years of marriage. In neither marriage did I ever question that either of those fine gentlemen were meant for me. They were not perfect men, and not perfect marriages, but by most people's reckoning including my own, they were wonderful. I was so devestated after the death of my second husband I truly did not think I could survive it - and the questions to God were unending. Why? How could you do this to me yet again? And on, and on, and on.

About two months after the death of my second husband, the Lord through my job placed me squarely in the middle of the Chihauhan desert in Pecos, Texas. I was required to drive 90 miles to another town, Van Horn, Texas, every day, as a part of my work. About 40 miles out of Pecos, on the way to Van Horn, one enters two mountain ranges - the Davis Mountains and the Guadalupes. I was totally alone, with no crew members to communicate with. Moreover, a woman alone in Pecos cannot go anywhere after 5:00 in the evening. The gist of this story is that I learned, as I am still learning, to cast all of my anxiety and cares on Him - as that is what he wants us to do. Hasn't he told us that? In the desert and on those drives to work and back I prayed what seems now constantly. What I learned in those months was to trust Him for my very existence - not answers to my "why" questions. Men die. I will die. I would not trade that time now for anything in the world.

So, is a third marriage now to be my vocation? I don't know. I loved being married and I think I was a good wife to both of my spouses. It was during those times exactly what I was supposed to be doing. Now, I am trusting God and the Holy Spirit to lead me and I try to not tell Him what the remaining years of my life are supposed to be; rather, I am placing my future in his hands. That doesn't mean that I do not wonder what the outcome will be, but I am not putting parameters around what he wants for me.

He knows the desires of my heart (which would be to find love yet again) and also my needs. All of that being said, place your desires, cares, and anxiety upon him and he will provide what you need sufficient to the day. I do so hope this does not sound "preachy." It is not intended to be so. I am well aware of how our hopes and expectations are different when we are in our 30's as opposed to our later years. I've had to learn some hard lessons about where one puts those hopes and expectations when there is no one to rely upon except our God, and I have learned that it is more than enough. He will place squarely in your path the desires of your heart if you allow him to and trust him to do so.

Peace be with you from a sister in Christ

--hide--


Beverly, Thank you for sharing your story about your husbands, commute and long drives through those mountains and the prayers you have prayed. What a great story! What a testament to Trusting in HIM! theheart I have been there!

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